I’ve been involved in shidduchim for longer than I want to admit – as a shadchan. I observe some boys and girls committing within the first five dates, and others still looking for a shidduch five or more years later. I don’t think anyone feels that those who committed within the first five dates were very lucky and found someone they clicked with quicker than those who keep on looking for years. My mother a”h always said, a shidduch is bashert, but you have to do your hishtadlus and be open-minded or you can push away your bashert.
I see boys in shidduchim, who in their older thirties are still looking for certain type of families, even if the girl, by their own admission, is just what they are looking for, even if the family type isn’t so different from their ideal. I’ve seen girls who in their thirties are looking for a with-it guy, while these girls look and dress like seminary teachers. I’ve heard of ‘good’ boys who speak of inappropriate topics on dates, and they will get rejected, no matter how many times they get reminded not to. I’ve heard of girls spending the bulk of their dates talking about the shiurim they go to and how they love their rebbetzins. These are just examples of my theory below. I have many others.
I think some people are behaving and thinking in a way that prevents them from getting married, because deep down they really don’t want to get married. It’s their subconscious tactic to stay single.
See the Light