Are You Doing Your Part To Alleviate The Dating Crisis?


ENGAGEMENT RINGBy a 23-year-old single girl

To my dear fellow singles,

I know that this is a difficult time for you. You watch as your friends are getting engaged, married, moving away, and having families of their own. You’re happy for them but at the same time you wonder when it will be your turn. You’re starting to feel lonely as more and more of your friends move on and leave you behind.

Each time you meet someone new, you hope and pray that this will finally be the “one”. You go through the process of preparing yourself mentally and physically and you experience the butterflies that once again take over your stomach. Then you go spend a few hours trying to keep a conversation flowing with someone you’ve never met before in your life. You may meet again or you may not but eventually you realize that it’s just not right. It’s time to move on and continue your life until another suggestion comes up.

I ask you to stop for a moment and think about the scenario with which you are so familiar. You met someone who may have been a nice and caring person. He may have amazing qualities and be a true mensch. He may make a very good husband. He’s just not for you. But he might be for your friend, relative, or neighbor. He might be just perfect for someone that you know. But you’re focused on yourself. It would never cross your mind to think of other people who might want to meet this boy. It’s the matchmaker’s job to set up dates, right?

I beg you to remember that we are all responsible for one another. When our fellow Jew needs help, it is our job to do what we can for them. You, who know what it’s like to be on this difficult search, should be the first to take action to help. Hashem blessed you with the opportunity to do a tremendous act of kindness but you simply don’t realize. You don’t seem to remember about me. It doesn’t occur to you that maybe the boy you met could be the one to end my journey. You may not want to approach me directly and that’s okay. Make a quick call or send a quick email or text to a friend, matchmaker, or anyone who might be able to assist you. Two minutes of your time can bring a tremendous amount of joy to the lives of others. How can you miss out on such an incredible opportunity?

I pray every day that we should all find the right person soon. God is answering us, He’s giving us the tools to make that happen, but we aren’t using the opportunities He’s sending us. Please, the next time you meet or hear of a boy that isn’t for you, remember me and take action to help me.

From someone like you

To all my married friends,

Mazel tov on your wedding, on the birth of your baby, on the purchase of your new home, and on your first, second, and third anniversaries. I am so happy that you have been blessed with these wonderful events.

I know that sometimes it’s hard to remember but I am still single. When I meet you on the street, since you don’t seem to have time to call me up, and you tell me how you have so much to do in the house and how you’re so tired because of the baby, I smile and try to sympathize. When you tell me that you’re so jealous that I have completed a degree and you wish you had the time to finish yours, I smile and try to sympathize. Over and over we have such conversations and it never occurs to you that maybe I would prefer to be in your situation. You’re complaining about the things that I long for. You seem to think that my life is perfect and I’m content being single.

Do you even have me in mind when your husband’s single friends come to your home? When your husband mentions his study partner, do you ever ask what kind of girl he’s looking for? I know your life is busy but please, I want mine to be busy too.

You were given a tremendous blessing and I worry that you don’t even appreciate it. You weren’t dating for very long. God helped you find your other half quicker than most of your friends. You don’t fully understand what it’s like to be in my place because you hardly experienced it yourself. It isn’t your fault that you can’t relate to my situation and that is why I’m trying to explain it to you and trying to make you aware.

I know you don’t view me as being an old single. That’s because I’m not. You see that I have single friends to hang out with and it appears as though life is great. But more and more of my friends are getting married and leaving me behind. At what point will you look at me as your nebach single friend? Will you start having me in mind then? Please don’t wait until then. Please realize that even now it’s hard for me.

You might be right that my single status provides me with many opportunities that you don’t have anymore. It’s true that I might have more time, flexibility, and energy. I’m trying my best to take advantage of these chances. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t long to move on. You have boys coming through your home all the time. Your husband has so many friends. Please speak to him about them. God blessed you with an easier time in the dating scene. Please show Him gratitude by helping out His other children. Show Him that you care about me.

From the friend you often forget

Each and every person must help out their brothers and sisters. Although these letters were directed to specific groups of people, it really applies to all Jews. It doesn’t matter who you are, you can help me. And boys, this goes for you too! You meet a girl that’s not for you, think of your friends. Speak to your wife about her friends and try to think of boys you know that could be a good match for them. We are all responsible for one another. Never think that you can’t set up a date. Because no matter who you are, you can and it’s your job to try. We know that all matches come from God. But maybe you are supposed to be His messenger.

I can’t promise you that these suggestions will fix the dating crisis. But I can guarantee one thing: God will be proud of His children for caring about each other. When we show Him that we want to help others, He will desire to help us further. It is my hope that in this merit, God will take our small steps to action and turn them into something much bigger and greater.




  1. Your point is well taken.
    We all need to be thoughtful of the needs of others.

    One of the major steps that would alleviate the dating crisis would be
    to let the boys start dating at twenty one years of age.
    obviously, only if he is deemed ready.

    Far to many boys who are ready, are being withheld from dating,
    thereby contributing to a shortage of boys.

    As long as the 21 year olds are not entering Shidduchim, there just will not be enough boys for the girls.

  2. To #1 cause it’s not tsnius and it’s not derech haThora!
    In response to this article I think u are quick to judge or u should change “friends” because where I’m from we do think if each other but sometimes this is just the way Hachem wants it to be. The problem with the whole shidduch crisis is that people leave out Hachem or bring Him in last; yes we need to do our hishtadlus but in the end we have to remember that Hachem ONLY is mezaveg zivugim and stop blaming all the other factors around. When we stop focusin on the teva and recognize that all is from Hachem than He stops hiding behind the teva and that brings about real yeshuot. I’m not saying friends shouldn’t help out or we shouldn’t be busy looking for solutions but we should first and foremost not lastly put out faith in Hachem.

  3. Anonymous why are you getting so defensive? She was obviously talking to people who forget about their single friends if thats not you then move on.

  4. from the opposite side, my son has hardly ever dated the same girl twice, and not because he didn’t want to give it a chance, it is usually the girls who turn him down after one date. my son feels that a second date is really the second half of the first, but the girls are the ones that are waiting for that date and wont even give it a second date. He’s not a nerd, he’s cute and fun loving but maybe he doesn’t come across like that right away.