Cantor: Obama Offering ‘False Choices’

1

eric-cantorHouse Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-Va.) said today that President Obama was offering “false choices” on the looming sequester, as Republicans try to cast the blame for the automatic spending cuts squarely on the White House.

Cantor said in a statement that the cuts set to go into effect on March 1 – which he agreed were neither smart nor fair – would only be implemented because Democrats refuse to restrain federal spending.

The majority leader added that, after the recent “fiscal cliff” deal raised some $600 billion in revenue, it was time for Washington to move to the spending side of the ledger.

“President Obama has said that unless he gets a second tax hike in eight weeks, he will be forced to let criminals loose on the streets, the meat at your grocery store won’t be inspected and emergency responders will be unable to do their jobs,” Cantor said in his statement.

“These are false choices. We are faced with the negative effects of the sequester because Democrats have not been able to take even the smallest step towards controlling spending.”

Cantor’s statement comes just over a week before the $85 billion in cuts would start going into effect, and as Washington observers are increasingly pessimistic that a deal to avert the cuts can be reached by the end of the month.

With Congress out of Washington this week, the president has gone on a public relations blitz in his own attempts to tag Republicans as responsible for the sequester.

Obama held an event this week with first responders, who the White House said could face furlough under the sequester, and has sat for interviews with television reporters from across the country.

Read more: THE HILL

{Matzav.com Newscenter}

1 COMMENT

  1. I just had a call from a charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world.

    ?
    ?
    ?
    ?
    I told them NO WAY!
    ?
    ?
    ?
    ?

    Anybody who fits into my clothes isn’t starving!!

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    Jewess
    Member
    Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
    A. He buys two cases of beer.

    Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
    A. The bonds mature.

    Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
    A. We don’t know; it has never happened.

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    nameless
    Member
    My wife and I divorced over religious reasons;

    She thought she was G-d, and I disagreed, !!!

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    toomuch00
    Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you’re up to.
    haha. heres one- vayishlach avraham es hamilachim=the yankees sent the angels home.
    and another one- a boy asks his father “daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” “i dont know son, im still paying…!”

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    pookie
    Member
    It’s Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible… But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    pookie
    Member
    Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says “I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here.”

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    pookie
    Member
    A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says “What was that all about?”

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    pookie
    Member
    Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars and tell me, what do you see?”
    Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.”

    Holmes said: “And what do you deduce from that?”

    Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life.”

    And Holmes said: “Watson, you fool, it means that somebody stole our tent.”

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    pookie
    Member
    A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he’s doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he’s going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ”I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It’s guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general…and all in the name of humor!”

    The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ”You stay out of this, mister! I’m talking to that little jerk on your knee!”

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    getzel1
    Adds much humor here 🙂
    Spell Checkers – a little Poem.
    A Little Poem Regarding Computer Spell Checkers…

    Eye halve a spelling chequer
    It came with my pea sea

    It plainly marques four my revue
    Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

    Eye strike a key and type a word
    And weight four it two say

    Weather eye am wrong oar write
    It shows me strait a weigh.

    As soon as a mist ache is maid
    It nose bee fore two long

    And eye can put the error rite
    Its rare lea ever wrong.

    Eye have run this poem threw it
    I am shore your pleased two no

    Its letter perfect awl the weigh
    My chequer tolled me sew.

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    sammygol
    Member
    Which country is the most neutral one?
    Lebanon
    Its government doesn’t get involved even in its own domestic affairs.

    Which country in the most independent one?
    Mongolia
    Absolutely nothing depends on it.

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    smartcookie
    Member
    Getzel- I love that one!! Read it many years ago and I really enjoyed it all over again!!

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    getzel1
    Adds much humor here 🙂
    The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

    As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as ‘Euro-English’.

    In the first year, ‘s’ will replace the soft ‘c’. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard ‘c’ will be dropped in favour of ‘k’. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome ‘ph’ will be replaced with ‘f’. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

    In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

    Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

    Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent ‘e’ in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
    By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as Replasing ‘th’ with ‘z’ and ‘w’ with ‘v’.

    During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary ‘o’ kan be dropd from vords kontaining ‘ou’ and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

    Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

    Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

    If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    getzel1
    Adds much humor here 🙂
    A restaurant has a sign “Kosher Lechol Hadayos”

    The entree was pochoys mikeshiur
    The soup, einoi ben Yomo
    The main course, nifsal meachilas kelev
    The desert noisen taam lifgam
    and the bill, a hefsed merubo

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    sammygol
    Member
    Getzel!

    Very very good, or do I say wunderbar?

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    getzel1
    Adds much humor here 🙂
    >>>>From a marriage counselors diary<<< make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the
    > evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two
    > of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am commanding you to
    > build an Ark.” In a flash of lightning, He delivered the specifications
    > for an Ark.
    >
    > Six months later… “Noah,” called the Lord, “Where is the Ark?” “Lord,
    > please forgive me!” begged Noah. “I did my best. But there were big
    problems.
    >
    > “First, I had to get a building permit for the Ark construction
    > project, and your plans didn’t meet code. So, I had to hire an engineer
    > to re-draw the plans. Then I got into a big fight over whether or not
    > the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system.
    >
    > “Then, my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning by
    > building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the
    > city planning commission. Then, I had problems getting enough wood for
    > the Ark. There was a ban on cutting trees to save the Spotted Owl. I had
    > to convince the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Agency that I needed the wood to
    > SAVE the owls. But they wouldn’t let me catch any. So, no owls.
    >
    > “The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to
    > negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before
    > anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now we have sixteen carpenters on
    > the Ark, and still no owls.
    >
    > “Then, I started gathering up animals and got sued by an animal rights
    > group. They objected to me taking only two of each kind. Just when I got
    > the suit dismissed, EPA notified me that I couldn’t complete the Ark
    > without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood.
    > They didn’t take kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over
    > the conduct of the Supreme Being.
    >
    > “Then, the Army Corp of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed new
    > flood plain. I gave them a globe. Right now, I’m still trying to resolve
    > a complaint from the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission over how
    > many Croatians I’m supposed to hire. The IRS has seized all my assets,
    > claiming I’m trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country. And, I
    > just got a notice from the state about owing them some kind of use tax.
    >
    > “I really don’t think I can finish the Ark for at least another five
    > years,” Noah wailed.
    >
    > The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched across
    > the sky. Noah looked up and smiled, “You mean you’re not going to
    > destroy the earth?” he asked hopefully.
    >
    > “No”, said the Lord sadly. “The government already has.”

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    yoshi
    Member
    Here’s one for the kiddies out there:

    A man walks into a bar…….

    Ouch!

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    ronrsr
    Member
    A termite walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Is this bar tender, bartender?”

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    ronrsr
    Member
    A rabbi, a priest and a minister walk into a bar.
    The bartender asks, “Is this some sort of joke?”

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    ronrsr
    Member
    A Texan is trying to impress an Israeli visitor with how big things are in America.

    “I can get in my car in the morning, drive all day, and at night, I’ll still be on my ranch.”

    “You know,” says the Israeli, “I used to have a car like that, too.”

    and, for the younger folks:

    I drive a Rolls-Canardly: It rolls down one hill, and can ‘ardly get up the next.

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    getzel1
    Adds much humor here 🙂
    ronrsr good!
    we need more jokes!

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    ronrsr
    Member
    A man calls the fire department to report a fire in his house, on 123 Elm St?

    “How do we get there?” asks the answering fireman.

    “Don’t you still have those big red trucks?” asks the homeowner.

    In a bus station, a man asks the busdriver, “Does this bus go to Duluth?” (note: Duluth is a city in Minnesota)

    “No,” the busderiver replies, “It goes ‘beep beep’.”

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    getzel1
    Adds much humor here 🙂
    A man feared his wife wasn’t hearing as well as she used to and he
    thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach
    her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.

    The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband
    could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

    Here’s what you do,” said the Doctor, “stand about 40 feet away from
    her, and in a normal con versational speaking tone see if she hears you.

    If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a
    response.”

    That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was
    in the den. He says to himself, “I’m about 40 feet away, let’s see what
    happens.” Then in a normal tone he asks, ‘Honey, what’s for dinner?”

    No response.

    So the husband moves closer to the k itchen, about 30 feet from his
    wife and repeats, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”

    Still no response.

    Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from
    his wife and asks, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”

    Again he gets no response.

    So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. “Honey,
    what’s for dinner?”

    Again there is no response.

    So he walks right up behind her. “Honey, what’s for dinner?”

    (I just love this)

    “Ralph, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!”

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    getzel1
    Adds much humor here 🙂
    A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below.
    She shouted to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour
    ago, but I don’t know where I am.”
    The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.
    “She rolled her eyes and said, “You must be a Republican.” “I am,” replied the man. “How did you know?”

    “Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically Correct. However, I have no idea what to do with your information, and I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help to me.”

    The man smiled and responded, “You must be an Obama Democrat.”
    “I am,” replied the balloonist. “How did you know?”
    “Well,” said the man, “you don’t know where you are or where you are going. You’ve risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air.
    You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem.
    You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but
    somehow, now it’s my fault.”

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    aaryd621
    Member
    a guy is walking around with a carrot in his ear, somebody asks him “why is there a carrot in your ear?” so he says “i cant here you i have a carrot in my ear”

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    YW Moderator-80
    Member
    aardy
    the topic title is “good” jokes…;-)

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    NY Mom
    Member
    getzel1: Those were “good” jokes! 😉

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    oomis
    Member
    OYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    ronrsr
    Member
    A horse walks into a bar.

    “Why the long face?” asks the bartender.

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    ronrsr
    Member
    A bar walks into a guy. Oops! wrong frame of reference. Sorry.

    A Frenchman walks into a bar and he has a parrot on his shoulder. The parrot is wearing a baseball cap. And the bartender says, “Hey, that’s neat — where did you get that?” And the parrot says, “France — they’ve got millions of them there.”

    A guy goes into a bar, orders four shots of the most expensive 30-year-old single-malt Scotch and downs them one after the other. The barkeep says, “You look like you’re in a hurry.” “You would be too if you had what I have,” said the guy. “What have you got?” “Fifty cents.”

    A guy walks into a bar with a pair of jumper cables wrapped around his neck and orders a Scotch and soda. The bartender says, “O.K., but don’t start anything.”

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    haifagirl
    Chief of Grammar Enforcement Commandos
    A guy goes into a bar, orders four shots of the most expensive 30-year-old single-malt Scotch and downs them one after the other.

    Sherry cask, bourbon cask, etc.?

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    ronrsr
    Member
    “Hey Bartender. Pour me a cold one.” “Hey, go on, kid, you wanna get me in trouble?” “Maybe later; right now I just wanna beer.”

    A pickle walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, you’re a pickle! What are you doing here?” The pickle says, “Well for starters, I’m celebrating the fact that I can walk.”

    EDITED

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    ronrsr
    Member
    I can’t say which, but the man was wearing a colored shirt, and had already been vaccinated against H1N1 flu. He did not own a gun, but had two dogs, one of which was an excellent guard dog. He planned on eating three sufganiyot for Chanukah 5770, and wouldn’t enter a shidduch goral even if it included frozen girls. His shirt smelled slightly of mold, though he had tried everything to get rid of the smell. He addressed his rav thus: “What’s up, Rav?” He wore jeans ever since he was in yeshiva.

    What? What? The topic of this thread is “Good Jokes.” Ooops.

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    haifagirl
    Chief of Grammar Enforcement Commandos
    ronrsr: I still can’t stop laughing. After all the stale jokes that I’ve read at least three times each on various threads, it was nice to read something original.

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    A600KiloBear
    Inactive, per member request
    BS”D

    One fine summer day, Gimpel called his mother from Machane Gan Oisvorf, a summer camp for kids at risk. They spoke for a few minutes and then his father took the phone:

    “Gimpel, who is the learning director at camp? Is he good? What is he teaching you?”

    “Tatty, he is a really cool dude who said he learned in a really rad yeshiva in Harlem. When I told Mommy what he was teaching me though, she said, don’t you dare tell Tatty that or he’ll pull you out of camp and give you such a potch!”

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    smartcookie
    Member
    600kilo- I don’t get the joke.

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    cholentkugelkishke
    Member
    MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE
    > > A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
    > > >
    > > >
    > > > ‘Please note that this Bank is installing new
    > > Drive-through ATM
    > > > machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without
    > > leaving their
    > > > vehicles.
    > > >
    > > >
    > > > Customers using this new facility are requested to use
    > > the
    > > > procedures outlined below when accessing their
    > > accounts.
    > > >
    > > >
    > > > After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE
    > > Procedures have been
    > > > developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for
    > > your gender.’
    > > >
    > > > *******************************
    > > > MALE PROCEDURE:
    > > > 1. Drive up to the cash machine.
    > > > 2. Put down your car window.
    > > > 3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
    > > > 4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
    > > > 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
    > > > 6. Put window up.
    > > > 7. Drive off.
    > > >
    > > >
    > > > *******************************
    > > >
    > > >
    > > > FEMALE PROCEDURE:
    > > > What is really funny is that most of this part is the
    > > Truth.!!!!
    > > >
    > > >
    > > >
    > > > 1. Drive up to cash machine.
    > > > 2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align
    > > car window with
    > > > the machine.
    > > > 3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
    > > > 4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger
    > > seat to locate
    > > > card.
    > > > 5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back
    > > and hang up.
    > > > 6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
    > > > 7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due
    > > to its
    > > > excessive distance from the car.
    > > > 8. Insert card.
    > > > 9. Re-insert card the right way.
    > > > 10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN
    > > written on the
    > > > inside back page.
    > > > 11. Enter PIN.
    > > > 12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
    > > > 13. Enter amount of cash required.
    > > > 14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
    > > > 15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
    > > > 16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place
    > > cash inside.
    > > > 17. Write debit amount in check register and place
    > > receipt in back
    > > > of checkbook.
    > > > 18. Re-check makeup.
    > > > 19. Drive forward 2 feet.
    > > > 20. Reverse back to cash machine.
    > > > 21. Retrieve card.
    > > > 22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place
    > > card into the
    > > > slot provided!
    > > > 23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting
    > > behind you.
    > > > 24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
    > > > 25. Redial person on cell phone.
    > > > 26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
    > > > 27. Release Parking Brake.

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    working
    Member
    Neither did I

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    getzel1
    Adds much humor here 🙂
    cholentkugelkishke
    very good!!!

    Please everyone else GOOD JOKES ONLY!!

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    getzel1
    Adds much humor here 🙂
    A doctor in Chelem answers

    Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.

    Is this true?

    A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it… don’t

    waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up

    your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can

    extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?

    Take a nap.

    Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

    A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay

    and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more

    than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.

    Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass

    (green leafy vegetable).

    Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

    A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,

    that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even

    more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms

    up!

    Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

    A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to

    one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

    Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular

    exercise program?

    A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain…

    Good!

    Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?

    A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!….. Foods are fried these days in

    vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting

    more vegetables be bad for you?

    Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around

    the middle?

    A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You

    should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

    Q: Is chocolate bad for me ?

    A: Are you crazy? HELLO! Cocoa beans! Another vegetable! It’s the

    best feel good food around!

    Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

    A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me!

    Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

    A: Hey! ‘Round’ is a shape!

    Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had

    about food and diets.

    And remember:

    ‘Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of

    arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather

    to skid in sideways — Chardonnay in one hand, chocolate in the other

    — body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming WOO HOO!

    What a Ride!’

    AND…..

    For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on

    nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those

    conflicting nutritional studies.

    1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks

    than Americans.

    2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than

    Americans.

    3. The Chinese drink very little red wine & suffer fewer heart attacks

    than Americans.

    4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart

    attacks than Americans.

    5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats

    and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

    CONCLUSION:

    Eat and drink what you like..

    Speaking English is apparently what kills you!!

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    getzel1
    Adds much humor here 🙂
    There was a student that made a lot of problems in class; he fought
    with classmates, made a lot of noise…

    The teacher tried a lot of things, but nothing helped.

    He decided to tell the father about his son’s behavior.

    Father: “What do you want me to do?”

    Teacher: “Maybe take him for a check-up.”

    Father: “How is that going to help?”

    Te acher: “Maybe the child should take Ritalin (a calming drug).”

    Father: “How am I going to get this Ritalin?”

    Teacher: “No problem, I’ll get it, and the child should take the pill
    every morning and everything will be o.k….”

    Father: “Who is going to remember to give it to the child every day in
    a house full of children?”

    Teacher: “I’ll worry about it. I’ll make sure he takes it every morning.”

    Father: “But I don’t want the whole class to know about it.”

    Teacher: “No, no, I’ll make sure that no one sees. I’ll put the pill
    in the teacher’s room next to the coffee machine. Every morning I’ll
    send your son to make my coffee and at the same time he’ll take his
    pill. Like this no one will know.”

    The father agreed to the plan. Every morning the teacher prepared the
    pill next to the coffee machine and went into class. After a few
    minutes the child would come in with the coffee, and everything went
    fine.

    And now the atmosphere in the class was calm. The child wasn’t sent
    out of class and there were no fights!

    After a few weeks, the mother asked the child: “Nu, what’s doing in class?”

    Child: “Great!”

    Mother: “What happened that everything’s so good?”
    Child: “It’s very simple. Every morning the teacher sends me to make
    his coffee. I go into the teacher’s room and there there’s a special
    pill! I put the pill into the coffee and after he finishes to drink
    it, everything in the class is 100%!!!”

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
    getzel1
    Adds much humor here 🙂
    The mayor of Haifa was very worried about a plague of pigeons in Haifa.
    He could not remove the pigeons from the city. All of Haifa was full of
    pigeon poop, the people of Haifa could not walk on the sidewalks, or drive
    on the roads.

    It was costing a fortune to keep the streets and sidewalks clean.
    One day a man came to City Hall and offered the Mayor a proposition.
    ‘I can rid your beautiful city of its plague of pigeons without any cost to
    the city. But, you must promise not to ask me any questions.
    Or, you can pay me one million dollars to ask one question.’
    The mayor considered the offer briefly and accepted the free proposition.

    The next day the man climbed to the top of City Hall, opened his coat, and
    released a blue pigeon. The blue pigeon circled in the air and flew up into
    the bright blue sky.

    All the pigeons in Haifa saw the blue pigeon and gathered up in the air
    behind the blue pigeon. The Haifa pigeons followed the blue pigeon as she
    flew southward out of the city.

    The next day the blue pigeon returned completely alone to the man atop City
    Hall.

    The Mayor was very impressed. He felt the man and the blue pigeon had
    performed a wonderful miraculous service to rid Haifa of the plague of
    pigeons. Even though the man with the pigeon had charged nothing, the mayor
    presented him with a check for 1 million dollars and told the man that,
    indeed, he did have a question to ask and even though they had agreed to no
    fee and the man had rid the city of pigeons, he decided to pay the 1 million
    just to get to ask ONE question.
    The man accepted the money and told the mayor to ask his ONE question.
    Do you think the Mayor is going to ask how the blue pigeon led all the
    pigeons away?

    Do you think the Mayor is going to ask where all the pigeons went?
    Do you think he is going to ask where the man got the blue pigeon?

    Nooooooo!

    The mayor asked:

    ‘Do you have a blue Araber?’

    POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #

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