Humor: Obama Introduces “Kallahs for Klunkers” Program


chosson_and kallahAfter successfully solving the banking, mortgage, automobile, and housing crises, President Barack Obama has now turned his attention to solving the ultimate problem – the shidduch srisis. After much consultation with his close advisors, the president has unveiled his “Kallahs for Klunkers” program. With broad bipartisan support, and modeled after the successful Cars for Clunkers program, the deal offers any married man $4,500 to leave his current wife and get engaged to a girl of at least 22 years of age.

With this one bold act, thousands of young girls currently in crisis mode will be taken off the market, making the even younger girls available for the just freezer-released yeshiva bochurim. In addition, the anticipated surge of auf rufs, weddings and sheva brachos that this initiative will cause will hopefully jumpstart and stimulate the stagnant haimishe economy, with spending on simchah baskets, party planners, and other wasteful expenditures.

President Obama will successfully resolve a crisis that many experts have spent so many years trying to solve, proving true once again his slogan, “Obama: Exchange We Can Believe In!”

{Noam Newscenter}


  1. 4,500 will barely cover the cost of a kesuba let alone, and the jewelery you’ll have to buy. did I mention it costs 7,500 just to write a get?

  2. why is this being posted? it could be taken very wrong and make people feel very bad about their situation. its also letzanus more than its funny.

  3. I have a better idea: $4,500 (no, make that $450,000) for every yeshivish old maid who marries a chassidish alter bucher. Two shidduch crises solved!

  4. 10. Comment from dror
    …. and if they do, they now have a way to get them married.
    with the “kallah for klunkers trade in program” !!! ha ha !

  5. I know many people that would love to trade in without the money, not everything in shidduchim is about money. Being mattir cherem dirabbenu gershon is definitely a better idea than a girl freezer.

  6. Very distastful! I always look at matzav as an ehrliche good source of info and news. Who was thw stupid person behind this?

  7. We are in the “throw away” society. Make the big weddings as a 25th wedding aniversary, not when they are just begining.

  8. All you people have to take a chill! I have a sister who is an older single, but that doesn’t mean that this isn’t humorous. Thanks fo the laugh.
    Just keep on davening and doing proper hishtadlus.

  9. Funny stuff. it also shows what a fool Obama is. his cars for clunker program clanked and yet he thinks he can overall health crae, a large chunk of the conomy, in 30 days!
    If he is such a big shot let us indeed see him try to solve the shidduch crisis.

  10. Thanks, that really is the best idea so far.(A funny thought, he can cook,she can learn). Seriously chasidish guys like to help and are great husbands.

  11. It is not distasteful or anything like that. It is a humor post, a humor column. it says so. chuckle. there’s nothing inappropriate that I read. It is suppsoed to be funny, and I found it funny. if you don’t then move on and don’t laugh! but don’
    t say there’s anything wrong with it. people have to grow up.

  12. This article is so bad it wouldn’t make it on a late night television show, so what is it doing on a frum website?

    Are we turning into a people who are perpetually stuck at the level of middle school students?

  13. Hey,
    You are tarnishing the Shadchanus business. How could you do that.
    Shadchanus is a great business if you have nothing better to do.

  14. Dear Matzav
    you owe all your readers an apology. the reason your website is so popular is because you have always reported in the most tasteful manner. how can you print something in such poor taste? especially the same day that you posted the tragic story about dovi levitan a”h?

  15. it’s really weird to see humor/levayas/rav at a pidyon haben/new composers/ in blog form- equal opportunity news – blah blah blah – let’s just talk talk talk – empty empty empty –

  16. Humor aside, we in the chassidishe velt have a severe crisis in the boys dept. Perhaps we can come up with a way to bring the “rejects” from both worlds together… is it too good to be true?

  17. After reading all of the dry and negative comments on this truly humorous and funny article, I realized that my brother is right. My brother who is a “Chasid” told me once that a “lutvak” is a “Chasid” without the sense of humor. Guys lighten up and laugh, especially those who have “old Sisters” who are still unmarried at the old age of 22 R”L, try to find some comfort in humor.

  18. I echo the sentiments of those who find it funny. It is. This administration is trying to solve every crisis imaginable. Let him try to solve the ultimate crisis.
    People, please. A little laughter after all the tough news out there…try to find the light side of a sad story.

  19. That old line about “Have 40 year old…will trade in for 2 twenty year olds…” also seems to be a sincere effort at solving the shidduch crisis. Are we allowed to laugh even though we’re frum?

  20. sad to think my own ex thought of a simmilar idea by getting rid of the gezera the rabbis put up 1000 years ago to only allow monogomy. He suggested marring a few of my single friends to ease the crisis. wow what a chacham well he can go marry whom ever he wants now.

  21. With leitzonus like this it is no wonder that tragedies of the sort we saw in morris happens. And I can’t even believe that you guys are continuing to keep this post on.

  22. What a rasheh Reb boruch hussein obama, shlita is. Plus he dpoesn’t have cash for his clunkers anyway. He just borrows another $2 billion from China and doesn’t know how he’ll pay it back!!!!!!!!!

  23. shvach poor taste there are somethings we don’t joke about as yidden we never went there the jokes of this generation are horrible

  24. I agree with an earlier poster. Get rid of Cheirim D’Rabeinu Gershom and the shidduch crisis will be over. Not because you can marry more than one, but you do not have to be so picky. You do not ave to find the perfect girl because you can marry more than one. In fact I bet that there would be very few polygomous marriages.

  25. Are there any single older females out there who’d want to be someone’s second wife? Forget the cherem. Come to me, I’ll red you some good chassidish working boys who can’t find a first wife among the high & mighty chassidish girls.