Marriage: Making it Work – A Chazaq Lecture by Rabbi Avrohom Asher Makovsky


avrohom asher makovskyBy Chaim Leib Alper

The Chazaq Organization continues to spread its message and advice through the informative lecture of Rabbi Avrohom Asher Makovsky in conjunction with the Beth Gavriel Center of Forest Hills on Sunday, August 2nd .

Hailing from Lakewood, NJ, where he is a Magid Shiur at Mesivta Nefesh HaChaim, Rabbi Makovsky brought out the important idea that Chesed starts from the home.

Rabbi Makovsky began with a discussion of the underlying meaning of chesed, doing unto others what you want done to you. He reminded the audience that this mitzvah is a clear command from the Torah itself. Therefore, helping a friend who is lacking change at a soda machine; a mitzvah of Chesed; brings more zechut than doing Psicha by Neilah, which is not a mitzvah in the Torah.

He continued with a statement of Rav Chaim Vital that when G-d measures a person’s right to be considered a Ba’al Chesed, He looks to the person’s actions in his/her home. The relationship between a man and wife is the last word when G-d is deciding one’s kindness in everyday life. So when you want to earn being written in the book of life after Rosh Hashanah, it’s far more worth it to help your spouse a bit more than usual than doing Psicha by Neilah.

In his third point, Rabbi Makovsky quoted the Rambam that the best way to do Chesed both inside and outside the house is simply giving an honest compliment. While seeming questionable at first, this fact couldn’t be more true. As humans, we strive to be independent, but even the most independent and mature person will always need some form of appreciation. Because as said by the Steipler Gaon in his letters to fellow Talmidei Chachamim, everyone, even a pious talmid chacham, needs respect and appreciation from his friends. Ultimately, of all the gifts you can give someone, a bit of appreciation and admiration of their qualities is the most generous and powerful.

Putting all these statements together, Rabbi Makovsky concluded that the greatest way to fulfill G-d’s obligation for us to be good people, would be to do kindness, to one’s spouse, through giving an honest compliment of admiration and appreciation.

Because the truth is that everyone deserves acknowledgment of their good characteristics. And everyone has something good in them, and if you should be able to see that in anyone, it should be your spouse.

Chazaq is a community organization that has taken upon itself the goal of building a stronger future for the Jewish community. We are constantly organizing new events and lectures and would love to hear some feedback from you. Visit, email, or call 718-285-9132.


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