New Kol Korei Urges Boys To Seek Shidduchim By Age 22-1/2


shidduch-kol-korehA few years ago, it became clear to gedolim that the age gap between boys and girls entering shidduchim was a major cause for the high number of unmarried girls in our community. Therefore, reducing the age gap was believed to be able to effectively improve this dire situation.

One year ago, gedolim both in Eretz Yisroel and America signed a kol korei urging the community to allow boys to start shidduchim at a younger age. The community responded. Previously, boys would typically go to Eretz Yisroel at age 21-22 and stay there for 1-2 years, only starting shidduchim at age 23. In the past year, many more boys have become engaged at age 21-22. In fact, during the zeman following the release of the kol korei, an unusually high number of boys entered Beth Medrash Govoha in Lakewood were already engaged. The assumption that boys must learn in America for 3-4 years post high school, go to Eretz Yisroel for another 1-2 years, and only then start shidduchim is no longer widespread. Now, boys are more willing to start shidduchim earlier.

This week, a letter on this topic signed in Teves 5772 by Rav Chaim Kanievsky, Rav Ahron Leib Shteinman, Rav Shmuel Auerbach and lhbchl”c Rav Elyashiv z”tl was rereleased. The letter asks Roshei Yeshiva to find ways to enable their talmidim to start shidduchim at a younger age. It also addresses the bochurim, encouraging them to start shidduchim earlier as this will be greatly beneficial to them as well.

Additionally, many American roshei yeshiva have now signed a brand new kol korei urging boys and their parents to start looking for shidduchim by age 22½. They can do so either by decreasing the amount of time spent in Eretz Yisroel or by starting shidduchim during bein hazemanim, even if they plan on returning to Eretz Yisroel. Alternatively, some boys may choose not to learn in Eretz Yisroel before marriage.


{ Newscenter}


  1. Chanoch linaar lefee darko. You can make a general statement, but everyone has to know their child & determine when his aliyah & shteiging in Torah should or should not be interuppted. The solid Torah foundation is needed BEFORE he gets married. This is not a simple black/white, cut & dry matzav. Its interesting that not every Rosh Yeshiva has joined this mihalech. My Rosh Yeshiva Shlita is not from those who bought into this whole “age gap” discovery phenomenom, as if this is the end all for all Shidduchim problems. There are a lot of other “problems” which are NOT being addressed in regards to why we have a “Shidduch Crises” & this “age gap” will not help one iota.

  2. What happened to ????? ???? ?????? The half a year earlier starting shidduchim may help, but I find the problem is not the age, but the maturity. A girl who is 18-19 and been to sem is still far more mature than most bochurim who are 22+. If Yeshivos can be encouraged to create chaburos for bochrim 20+ on practical life /marriage skills / incresing maturity, that would go a long way in helping this situation.

  3. If the boys are too old and the girls are too young, let the boys learn all they want but convince the girls to start going out older.

  4. The years that a boy learns best are the years before he starts with Shiduchim. He has no other responsibilities other than his learning. Why would we want to shorten that time span? Last time I checked, every boy got engaged and married to a girl. If he waits a little longer to get married at 23-24, the girl will also wait a little longer, but she will get married, albeit a little later. Having boys get married based on age and not maturity will create a much larger problem with Gittin. Maybe a better solution is to have the girl start Shiduchim a bit later; let her start when she is 21-22 instead of 18-19. Now it is more acceptable for boys to go out with girls closer to their own age. This will give the girls a chance to get a job, put away a few dollars, spend time on themselves, and appreciate getting married for the real reasons, not just for the fun and excitement.

  5. Prepare for an onslaught of comments stating that the age gap is a myth. It is not a myth. It is mind-boggling to me that anyone with a reasonable understanding of arithmetic would not see this.

    True, there are other factors contributing to the shidduch crisis, but this is certainly the biggest. By the Chassidim, no age gap = no shidduch crisis.

  6. I think in todays day everyone agrees that bachrem should get married earlier, aparntly the only reason why it was 23 to begin with, was so bachrem could learn a extra year or 2 before they get married because kollel years were very limted, however now that 5 years in kollel is very common, why push off getting married.

  7. if it is so imp for boys to start going out earlier so abolish the freezer like this when the boys come home at 22.5 nor 23 they can go out right awat

  8. So I see Matzav is even sanitizing my real comment! I guess this just another “hit & run” story where the truth must be covered up at all costs! You wont find real solutions by covering everything up.

  9. TO # 16

  10. i do shadchan work and i see the shidduch crisis comes because girls are picky – i try to set up girls and they are like ”i don’t want a sefardi, i don’t want a bt, i don’t want a ger, i won’t go out with a chassidishe boy, he is too short” etc – seriously it is ridiculous – shouldn’t it matter if someone is ehrlich and has good midos, not what style hat they wear or how tall they are, or what nusach they daven?

  11. Were putting all the responsibilty for the girls shidduch crisis on the boys family.

    Whats are the girls doing about their own crisis? If they waited to date till age 20 or 21 you would close this gap double of what were doing now.

    But no. They need to start dating at age 18-19 and throw the guilt on the boys.

  12. the freezer is that boys should actually have a zman of some learning before they start dating and then have nothing left… so it’s not about the freezer! it’s a very good thing!!
    stop this leitzanus about the freezer it aint goin anywhere

  13. The Shidduch crisis is of epidemic proportions
    ages 20 until beyond.

    Many suffer from regret and despair s their lives pass them by without fulfillment.

    Tefillos are not answered, histadlus
    does not work, life passes and it’s all over.

  14. The girls won’t voluntarily wait because the stakes are too high. They are nervous. They should make another kol koreh urging the Shadchanim (and the general public) not to red shidduchim to girls until they are age 20.5 (really 21 would be better but it’s not so realistic at first)
    If the boys start at 22.5, then the age gap would be narrowed to 2 yrs instead of the 3.5 years that is common now. That would make a huge difference, although it would not solve the problem, but it would be a start. I don’t think the girls will mind the extra time- especially if it becomes the norm.

  15. Know the Age-Gap problem. With 5% population increase it means 1000 born this year 1050 nxt.yr,1100,1150,1200,therefore 1000 23 yr. old boys have 1200 19 year old to choose from. Since 5% more males than females r born a year so 1000 have 1150,since 5% do listen to halocha and daas torah to start earlier and same age the net number is 1000 boys will choose from 1100 shiduchim. The net result now is 10% never get married. Gevald,22.5 is only a (2.5%) band aid. To “STOP” this man made tragedy boys must start @ 21.Those RY that say that their talmidim r not mature at 21 should open a kindergarten. Chazal said @ 18 to 20 is enough maturity to get married, before todays technology with the Yetzer Hora at the finger tips. Now they come out with 22.5 it will net out to 7 1/2% staying single. Any bocher or his parents that don’t listen until 23 or 22.5 is GUILTY of causing a Bais Yakov girl never to get married. If he is mature enough to go EY alone, then he is mature to listen to a shiduch. Stop the crisis by listening the latest at 21 since that’s when US yeshivas r done with Bais Medrash.

  16. comment to # 11 saying a bocher learns better as a bocher. That’s like saying its more of an Oneg shabes if u have a milachige coffee after the Tcholent. The same Shulchon Oruch that forbids the m. coffee also forbids prolonging learning as a bocher later. The only heter is because of money, but in todays age where help comes from A-)parents B-)the BY wife is nischanech to work so that the husband should learn, C-)programs. WE HAVE NO RIGHT TO PROLONG GETTING MARRIED UNTILL AFTER EY YESHIVA. This became a new minhag which must be stopped after 21.If u think learning Kodshim in Brisk is the Shliemus Ho`odom,go after the engagement and or after the Chusuna.

  17. To #26

    You don’t argue on the math, rather if it worked 30 years ago why not now? There are 2 factors that changed and are key factors off the problem 1; the average family today is for larger than of 30 years ago, meaning the population grouth is much quicker meaning even a gap off 4 years can be a large deffrance. 2; the general community was much smaller so either the problem was there was there just went unnoticed, or since it only a small community if 1 or 2 girls were left they could try to marry into another community, however now that its a larger number the problem is for real.

  18. The shidduch crisis only exists because of “gaava”. Everyone thinks that they are better than the next. Boys and girls and their parents are way too picky and that is the only reason for it. The kol koreh should be against the constant rejection that is going on when it comes to shidduchim. Everyone wants what is best for their children but it is out of hand already. As one who redds shidduchim, having married off two daughters and having a son in shidduchim now I can tell you that it has to stop.Only then will the shidduch crisis end!

  19. comment 33 explain me where I am wrong and you are right .the way I see it is that if girls start dating at 19-20 and boys from 23-24 then those girls have 4 years to get married before they become an so called “older girl” but if the boys start dating at 21-22 then they only have 2 years to get married before they fall into an “older girl” catergory so any girl that has a sister in front of them or a brother or decides to go to school first for a year or two will be an older girl before she even has a chance to go out on one date .
    your math may be right only if every boy and girl that goes out gets married to the first one, if not there will total chaos. hashem yishmaranu if the olim will even think about going out at a young age
    am I right or wrong #33? I am not a mathmatican
    but I can read between the lines I just think you have something against boys going to eretz yisroel period .

  20. I wouldn’t say that the best learning is before marriage but that young men have to realize that when they get married they have to be prepared to accept all sorts of responsibilities. Learning will be different.

    And I’m apprehensive about pushing off E”Y till after marriage. Marriage itself is such an adjustment. If the young man doesn’t already have his niche, and have some handle on the system…well, I’m not sure if this is a recipe for success.

  21. I think that this kol korei is going to go a long way in creating change. By giving an exact age boys have a clear idea about what they should do. They also have a specific question to ask their rebbi. I beleive that most of the talmidim of the roshei yeshiva who signed will start shiduchim by the age of 22.5 this can cause a big change in the trend

  22. I see that many people are bringing up that girls should start older in order to close the gap. This may be a good way in aperfect world. That fact is that girls are panicing and they will not volinteer to wait. On the boys end there has been a big cmpaign goin on for a number of years encouaging boys to go out with girls their age there has been a lot of progress on that end. It was once considerded a bit strnge for aboy to go out with agirl his age or older tan him it is now something that in normal. This did help close the age gap to a degree but there are still many boys getting married to girls 3,4,or5 years younger than them.this is why there also needs to be work from the boys end also

  23. To #38 Just wondering. The way its now 10% stay single. the reason is on the litvish-yeshivish shidduch island 1000 boys 23 year old & 1100 by girls then 100 will stay on shidduch island.Next year (w.5% population increase)1050 boys & 1150 girls another 100 stay on the island.nxt yr.1100B with 1200g,nxt.yr.1150B w.1250g another 100 & it will c”v go on & on.
    The fact that on shidduch island there are 10% more girls is a guaranteed disaster no matter when the girls start dating. The only thing that will help is if all boys start @ 21 (or younger).Also notice on the 2 kol koiras the ey gedoilim do not mention 22.5 its the RY from here that came with that #, because they know that the boys love it EY and if they “insist” on getting married @ 21 they will go to EY @ 19-20 they will have to give up on their tuition or college programs until 21.This is why the 22.5 came up. I am not against going to ey. I am against starting @23 or 22.5. Sedom turned over for the torture of one girl, This system tortures 10% of by girls.

  24. to # 41 Any boy in shiduchim will take the best package deal he can get. If that girl is younger he will take it from there. If some do take from the Yoshon 23 yr. old, same age so the other younger ones don’t have whom to marry. The idea of same age can only work if they make a new Chairem on marrying younger.
    Its about time to stop blaming the RY and start blaming every 21 yr. old & his parents for not listening right away. Mehorsayhem Umechorvaihem Mahem Yottsu. It is the way most Americans didn’t care about Churban Europe. Now the American boys don’t care about their first cousin bais yakov girl not having whom to marry under the name of shtieging in learning. Stop the crisis and listen to Daas Torah from EY.

  25. In a meeting of roshei yeshiva the roshei yeshiva agreed that the best solution for the shiduch crisis and the boys is for there to be a yeshiva as an alternative to e.y. which will atract most boys. here and now they feel that the best thing for klal yisroel is for the boys to start shiduchim no later than 22.5

  26. #38

    You bring up a good point re a older sibling, maybe that’s why they are only pushing a 1/2 younger which is taking things gradually helping the problem, but not overturning the system in 1 day, good point. Re second comment that it sounds like #33 is against E.Y., I have news for you hes not alone, do your research ask your sons R.Y. what he thinks about it, I know some are fore it, while others are against it, so even if your rite if he thinks it wont be so sad if boys stop going to E.Y. he is not the only one.

  27. If you think deeply about what this so called “age gap” is telling us, Its %100 KEFIRAH! To believe that its davka the holy “age gap” that’s causing a shidduch crises, is %100 KEFIRAH! This was all drawn up by someone trying to make a few dollars selling that THIS is THE problem! I wonder why that Organization suddenly came up for a Chiddush of “charging” $30,000.00 to help someone get married! Gelt gelt gelt gelt gelt gelt & more gelt!!!
    Now of course you dummies at Matzav will now go ahead and sanitize my comment because you baby’s how no clue of what’s going on the real world! You took the derech of burying your heads in the sand!

  28. When people say that the age gap is the cause for the shiduch crises they are not saying that hashem is not the cause. That would be kefirah. Saying that the age gap is the cause is like saying that the reason a person died is because he had a heart attack. Is that also kefirah?

  29. The Chazon Ish Z”L argued with the (Ponevicher)Bocherim at his time who wanted to replant the yeshiveshe minhag of starting @25 to 30 & B”H he stopped the crisis to the bare minimum. He did not stop it with 1/2 years. His nephew Reb Chiyim Shlita doesn’t play around with 1/2 years either and writes to start in the 18th year Ben Shmoina Esrai Lechupa. If we would listen to Ehricha Yiden this Tzora would long be over.Vehoemes Aid Leatsmo.

  30. Response to comment 21 Why Harav Dovid Fienstein Shlita did not sign ? Answer the whole term of mature @ 22.5 is not mentioned in Shulchan Oruch. When a Poisek or a son of a Poisak Hador signs some thing it must agree with the Shulchon Oruch. As u see from the Gedoilim in Erets Yisroel mentioning Halocha before signing what to do. Halocha is very clear on this matter. Age is 18 to 20.