Rav Moshe Meir Weiss: With Thanks to Hashem – Mazel Tov – I’m a Chosson

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By Rav Moshe Meir Weiss

Good news travels fast!  This was true even before the era of internet and social media.  Nowadays, good news is almost instantaneous so by the time of the writing of this article, most of my dear readers probably know that Hashem has blessed me with a very special kallah, Ms. Shoshi Weiss.  The purpose of my column this week is twofold.  Firstly, I’d like to relate some details about how, with the help of Hashem, I found my kallah, to give chizuk, encouragement, to the many singles, the widowed, and the divorced who are reading my words.  I’d also like to correct a journalistic injustice that was done in the reporting of our engagement.  Some well-meaning writer wrote all about me but said nothing about my wonderful kallah.  It was so one-sided that it was embarrassing.  So I’d like to even things out a bit, giving some information about the wonderful woman I am to marry, b’ezras Hashem.

Firstly, let me tell you something about how we met.  I waited three regalim, three festivals after my beloved Rebbetzin’s passing before entertaining any prospects.  When I let it be known that I was ready to date, I received dozens of resumes.  This is not surprising as I was the “new kid on the block” in a very specialized niche.  After perusing the resumes carefully, not one of them felt like a good fit to me.  I was disheartened and dejected and actually told one of my close friends that perhaps remarriage for me wasn’t meant to be.  I decided to be proactive and knowing Dr. Jack Cohen from TorahAnytime.com, I made an appointment with him and told him carefully exactly who I was looking for.  Then I took an important step.  I wrote him out a one-thousand dollar check so that he would give the matter his close attention.  He responded that such a gesture puts me on the top of the pile.  I told him that that was exactly my intention.  He then came back to me with two additional shidduchim that were closer to the mark but still not right for me.  He then spoke about me to Rabbi Sholom Blatter, another well-known shadchan, and filled him in about who I was looking for.  Rabbi Blatter in turn ate a Shabbos meal with Mrs. Tzipora Levy, a successful therapist and shadchan herself.  At this meal, she asked Rabbi Blatter if there was anyone new on the shidduch scene and he answered that there’s Rabbi Moshe Meir Weiss and he described me.  “He sounds perfect for my good friend, Shoshi Weiss,” and that’s how our union was born.

I’m sharing with you this trajectory since I fervently believe that it was the one-thousand dollar check that pushed this matter along.  The days of waiting for the phone to ring because one is a great catch has long passed.  We spend extra money for a good car or vacation.  We certainly should use money liberally and generously to encourage people to work on finding us our life-mate.

Now, let me make things a bit more equitable and tell you some things about my extraordinary kallah.  She is the daughter of Avigdor Aryeh and Hinda Dancinger of Boro Park.  My future shver, Aryeh, is a remarkable holocaust survivor, having survived the Bergen-Belsen death camp at the amazing age of three years old. My Kalla Shoshy has an extraordinary family with four wonderful married children and a fantastic single daughter.Shoshy, is a descendant of the Chayai Adam.She is an extremely talented therapist for the past twenty-two years.  As a LCSW-R therapist, she is certified in EMDR, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing.  This is a skill that helps relieve distress and anxiety from traumatic memories.  This craft has a wide range of applications dealing with anxiety, depression, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. She also utilizes I.F.S. internal family systems which reveals the unconscious and heals emotional wounds.Besides these methodologies she has many other tools in her repertoire to help her clients. She also facilitates D.B.T. dialectical behavior therapy workshops for women. She is often sent clients by Rebbes, Dayanim, and Rabbonim.   My beloved kallah has practices in Monroe and Monsey where she caters to a women-only clientele.  She will be honoring her commitments to her clients in Monroe and Monsey until Pesach, and afterwards she will be moving her practice to Staten Island where she will be assuming the role, to my good fortune, as my wife and as Rebbetzin Weiss.  As she will be working only two days a week, slots will fill up quickly so you can contact her at 845-270-3699.

I ask all my readers to say a prayer for us, that we should always make each other happy and know only good health and happiness until the coming of Moshiach and we in turn wish all of you long life, good health and everything wonderful.

Please learn, give tzedaka, and daven l’iluy nishmas of Miriam Liba bas Aharon.

Start the cycle of Mishna Yomis with Rabbi Weiss by dialing 718.906.6471.  Or you can listen to his daily Shiur on Orchos Chaim l’HaRosh by dialing 718.906.6400, then going to selection 4 for Mussar, and then to selection 4.   Both are FREE services.

Rabbi Weiss is currently stepping up his speaking engagements.  To bring him to your community, call 718.916.3100 or email RMMWSI@aol.com.

Sheldon Zeitlin takes dictation of, and edits, Rabbi Weiss’s articles.

To receive a weekly cassette tape or CD directly from Rabbi Weiss, please send a check to Rabbi Moshe Meir Weiss, P.O. Box 140726, Staten Island, NY 10314 or contact him at RMMWSI@aol.com.

Now back in print is a large size paperback edition of Power Bentching. To order call him at 718-916-3100 or email at above.

Attend Rabbi Weiss’s weekly shiur at the Landau Shul, Avenue L and East 9th in Flatbush, Tuesday nights at 9:30 p.m.

Rabbi Weiss’s Daf Yomi shiurim can be heard LIVE on KolHaloshon at (718) 906-6400.  Write to KolHaloshon@gmail.com for details.  They can now also be seen on TorahAnyTime.com and Facebook.

{Matzav.com}

29 COMMENTS

  1. While I respect Rabbi Weiss tremendously, I am wondering why 1000 to a shadchan is reasonable hishtadlus. First of all, it sets a trend where it’s only the people that give money get noticed …which is only encouraging shadchanim to be more excluexclusi

  2. While I respect Rabbi Weiss tremendously I am a little confused about this practice and what he is trying to promote. Shadchanim have been put on a ped

  3. While I respect Rabbi Weiss tremendously I am a little confused about this practice and what he is trying to promote. Shadchanim have been put on a pedestal for years and by offering them a ridiculous amount of money it’s only going to exasperate the problem. Who said everyone can afford to give a shadchan 1000 just to be looked at. Isnt our shidduch scene enough exclusive. Do we need to make it worse. What became of our simplicity in that 40 before a person is born it is called out their zivug. Yes hishtadlus is important but to this level? Wouldn’t this be considered a bribe? Can someone please explain?

    • If someone has the extra $1000 to give every shaddchan to look into a shidduch for him, what does it bother you? The normal practice is to pay the shaddchan upon completion of a shidduch.

    • Isn’t it also a bribe to give money to a melamed to be kind to your child. But its allowed. Put on a pedestal? Are you kidding me? I’m a shadchan for 25 years. The most underpaid profession in the world. We work for months for people and NEVER GET PAID …only …only if we succeed…but we give our hours on end of our lives to this job . Are you even kidding? He did the right thing…And it doesn’t always, mostly not, even help. It has to be bashert. Money means nothing in the scheme of ” finding” the right one for someone, if its not the right timing from ABOVE. I’ve been promised THOUSANDS…and nothing…I have to be the right shaliach in the right moment. This is not random. This is all from Hashem…that he had the zechus to find his zivug sheni so fast. Trust me, its not the money. If you believe, you know its all from Hashem. And finally, its nice to hear that someone cares enough about shadchanim to offer them up front for ” trying” to find something. I’ll be happy to even get a “THANK YOU” FOR TRYING, after thousands of futile hours spent on individuals I worked for.

    • BRIBE?? are you people on drugs? where does ‘bribe’ come in?
      what you mean ‘encourages’…yes shaddchunes is a legitimate ehrlicher buisness

      did it occur to you people how much frustrating hours and hours and hours spend on calls meeting etc and it ends with nothing sometimes costing plenty for shaddchun and they get nothing. no, its no mitzvah to do for free anymore than a soifer , esrog menchant, suckkah merchant etc etc should give his ‘mitzvah’ wares for free. i rally dont understand these comments.how much does one spend on the wedding, furniture, photographer etc etc ?? the shaddchen who as shluach , braugh this all about deserves ten fold

  4. I’m not sure how this story is a chizuk for older singles. An older single can be trying and trying for 20+ years and nothing happens. Now a famous popular Rav comes along and gets engaged after a mere few months. How is that going to encourage an older single in pain? It just goes to prove once again that those who are connected always get that shidduch/job/yeshiva/promotion etc etc… It’s not what you know, it’s who you know. If one is an average person with no Yichus, money, or a great head, he’s doomed to a life of misery, nebach. You’re looked upon as a lo yutzlach. Just the facts my friend.

    • yes and thats the facts of life…..and has nothing to do with yosher or not
      same with other things in life…one who is major supporter of a mosed will and shou get prefferable tratment

    • Not the facts my friend…People are messengers in the service of Hashem. They appear when they need to give people jobs, shiddichim etc. Don’t blame the messenger, the money…etc. There’s a power that guides everything…so sit back, relax and work on “fargining”. You only get whats YOURS and what’s COMING TO YOU. Contemplate the thought.

    • no it goes to show you that those that hustle and make things happen work together with Hashem and have siyata D’shmaya and are successful. R’ Weiss works very very hard. He does not rest on any laurels.

      • So every older single that’s not married yet, means that they are not hustling enough?! They are not working hard enough?! They are resting on their laurels? You are a sick evil person.

    • TO EMES HADVOTIM 12/24/18 11:46 AM
      ‘ that shows ‘ nothing
      Of course people who are ‘connected get more in life, and who are rich can afford more in life. Thats a honest fact of life…please dont cry ‘that shows people who are connected…’You have a LEXUS’ no. Your rich friend has,yes? That prooves again one who is rich can have have a LEXIS or what his heart desires(if he is a ball taive)We dont need proof for FACTS of life!…THATS HOW INTELLIGENT YOU POST IS

  5. I am absolutely shocked by this article. I am sure Rabbi Weiss is a tremendous talmud chacham etc, but this piece is simply outrageous. He writes “Firstly, I’d like to relate some details about how, with the help of Hashem, I found my kallah, to give chizuk, encouragement, to the many singles, the widowed, and the divorced who are reading my words.” He then relates how he gave a shadchan 1,000 dollars to have his resume looked at. How in heaven’s name is this “chizzuk”??! What about all the people who don’t have 1,000 dollars to drop – not on a “good car or vacation” and not even for better leverage in a terribly unbalanced system? This is what yiddishkeit has come to? Shadchanim have such power over our sons and daughters that we see our shidduchim as being entirely in their hands and not in the hand of the “Mizaveig Zivugim”, the Master of the world? The only hope we can have that our children will find their zivug is to “please the gods” with bribes and other gifts so we get looked at?
    That the system is rigged and wrong is well known. That people give money to get looked at is well known. But to promote this practice, making it all the more difficult for those who can’t afford to play this despicable game?! Esm’haa!!
    If someone told me this piece was satire, I would honestly believe it. (The first part, not the second – I am sure Ms. Weiss is a wonderful person as described.) I have never read anything so bizarre – all I know is that chizzuk like this our disheartened older singles don’t need. May Hashem enlighten our eyes with regard to arrange a system which doesn’t require yidden to bribe shadchanim to look at them so that they might find a shidduch. This is not something to be celebrated.

    • Calm down, you are contradicting yourself. If you believe with a full belief that Hashem is mezave zevugim, then you need to believe that nothing comes between Him and the truth/actualization. Only He holds the key to the timing…for everything. NOBODY AND NOTHING ELSE. so how do you reconcile that MONEY OR YICHUS gets the deed done.? All you complainers are just jealous and need to work on making your emunah stronger, because certainly you don’t seem to think that Hashem played the biggest role in this!!! You think you’re not fetting noticed because of this or that lacking by you? Think again. You all need tremendous work on the subject of Emunah.

  6. Since Rabbi Weiss did not provide these disclaimers, I will:
    It is quite normal after loss of a spouse to go through a grieving process, and for some people this period of mourning will be extensive. Some people will not be ready to get remarried after 3 regalim, some people will need a great deal longer than that. For some people, the decision about getting remarried or at least being ready to start dating again is a matter of focusing inward to determine whether one is emotionally ready for a new relationship, rather than simply looking at a calendar. Some people will not be able to reach this point on their own and will need professional help.

  7. You are wrong …shiduchunim is a buisines and there are laws in choshen mishpat regarding paying shadcunim..yes and if somebody cant afford..thats his problem. someone wants to do chese and not charge…but because of your ignorance of jewish law its not ‘this is what yisshkeit has become (what ever that means…(if you dont like something then ‘yiddishkeit has become’?)
    plenty mayses recently and of years bygone what results of not paying shadchunim

    • Good point. Choshen Mishpat doesn’t apply to shadchanim and esrog dealers. They both have a special heter to rip off and price gouge the tzibbur, all in the holy name of HIDDUR.

      • JUST LIKE ANY OTHER BUSINESS. OTHER BUSINESS DOESNT BOTHER YOU IF THEY RIP U OFF? WHEN YOU PAY SO MUCH AND SO MUCH IT DOESNT BOTHER YOU, huh? . IF YOU CANT AFFORD THIS FURNITURE SET YOU BUY CHEAPER. YOU DONT CURSE THE FURNITURE DEALER ‘RIP OFF’. SAME WITH ESROG .YOU CAN get a set 5 to $10 and up .so who is ripping off ? $5, $ 10 $30 is ripping off? ah, you want the one for $200..why ? Isnt the one for $5 just as good? shaddchanim rip off? dont go to shaddchanim! go to friends ,neighbors if you dont like what shaddchen charges…you dont seem to read my post or comprihend…lets say im shaddchen why am i oglibgated to spent a fortune of time and plenty exspenses and 9 out of ten times its out the window and guys like you will not even excuse yourself that the shaddchen went thru the frustration ,and $$ loss and you have the nerve to talk like that. again they have a right to charge what they want like any business and ingrates like you have right not to use thier sevices. ‘supply and demand’, if the shaddchen gets his price thats means he is in demand in turn his prices are right if no then…you cant afford a lexis get a 3rd hand battered jelopy and dont curse the car dealer!

      • CHECK ANT TSUVEH SEFER’ SHEVET HALEIVY, ‘MUNCHAS YITZCHOK’ ETC ETC THEY ALL DEAL WITH THIS SUBJECT LIKE ANY OTHER CHOSHEN MISHPAT LAW.

  8. I have seen over and over that men are able to get remarried much sooner than women. Men get many proposals when they come on the market . I don’t agree with the $1,000 because usually we deal with many different shadchonim so which one gets money? Many years ago a young man brought me $100. Although I tried I could not get him even one date. Finally, when Hashem wants a person to get engaged, that’s when it happens, whether they gave money, or they are popular. It doesn’t matter. There are two answers, daven, daven, daven, and call some shadchonim

  9. to whom it may concern.
    of course you should pay a shadchan,isnt it his job and parnusa? but,alas not before the chupa! that is thecustom! dear rabbi Weiss,with all respect due to that doctor,i do suspect he doesn’t get paid for services not rendered! and i would question his doctorate..he must be hungry real hungry if he took a 1.000 dollars before services.in short,the custom is,you pay a shadchan by the chupa!not before!

  10. David 12/26/18 10:01 am
    You say ‘payng the shaddchen by chupah is the custom’ Are you on drugs? WHERE DID YOU GET SUCH CUSTOM? What has got to do with chuppah?If they break up has nothing to do with the shaddchen. So by you if they divorce the shaddchen should refund?! I got married ’70’s shaddchan was paid by ‘vort’ or tnoiem by all….We married off our children BE”H in ,’90’s thru 2010’s always still is the rule you pay by vort, tnoim so dont fool the ignorant people with you made up ‘custom’
    In any case , when one wants to pay by vort or even advance $$ so shaddchen should put in effort theres no havemine somthing is not right…are you posters who say otherwise shikker or something?

  11. On Dec. 24 I said that men get married faster. I was referring to the over 50’s. In this age bracket, there are many widows and divorcees. As soon as a man becomes single, if he has good qualities and is decent, he becomes
    inundated with offers. The men usually don’t stay single for too long. I am certain that R. Weiss must have received
    countless offers the whole year. This has been my observation over the years.

  12. With all due respect to Rav Weiss, he’s a very famous rabbi. What worked for him will not necessarily work for regular people. I appreciate that in his humility he feels that he’s just a regular person, but let’s be real here, there are dozens of women who would jump at the chance to marry a famous rov like him. This story, while very nice, has no relevance to regular people.

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