Readers’ Matzav: A Crying Bas Yisroel in Shidduchim April 19, 2010 11:31 am
Dear Matzav.com Editor
I write these words with a broken heart. I am sure they are echoed by thousands of girls out there, and each one of us is living through our own nisayon. The parsha of shidduchim has been a nightmare for me. I have all but given up – at the tender age of 23. I hope you allow me to say this, but I am cute, I am put together, and I am nice. I am pretty and geshikt. But that, it appears, is where it ends. My parents don’t have money and we don’t have yichus. We don’t have “pull” and we don’t have connections. So with all my maalos, I am told that I am just like thousands of other girls. And so the phone does not ring.
My mother pursues shidduchim, only to get flat-out nos. I have been out with a handful of boys in four years of being in shidduchim. Think that’s nuts? Ask around. It’s not. That’s the lot that we’ve been given. We, girls, try so hard, doing everything we are supposed to in life, only to have to sit around, never knowing if our shidduch will ever come.
I am not actually “sitting around.” Not by any stretch. I have two great jobs which keep me busy, I spend time with my family, I help my parents (and I read Matzav in my spare time!). I have no complaints about the lot I’ve been given in life. I have never felt deprived and I love my parents for everything they’ve given me, even with their financial difficulties. But I had never imagined that shidduchim would be the living gehennom that it has been.
I don’t know what to say anymore. I go to weddings looking my best, I am conscious 24/7 to make the best impression, but that won’t make my parents rich and it doesn’t appear to be enough to get shidduchim redd.
Hakadosh Boruch Hu, I am Your daughter. I know You are listening. I know You hear my cries! I know You feel my pillow soaked with the tears of frustration!
Ad mosai? How long does a Yiddishe maidel have to wait for a redd? How many months have to go by with not a phone call? Ad mosai?
A Crying Bas Yisroel