Readers’ Matzav: A Shidduchim Personals Column

23

shidduchimDear Matzav.com Editor,

With the shidduch crisis continuing unabated and week after week reading about it here on Matzav.com, I really think it is time that you started a frum and proper personals column where people who have no way to get other people to pay attention to them can somehow get the word out about themselves.

It is an eis laa’sos and I really feel that this could go a long way to helping good young people meet each other. Not everyone has connections, and not everyone can get a shadchan to come to the phone and take up their case, but every good decent person will be able to have their name and info and a way to contact them available on this Torah website. Think about it; you will be making a real contribution towards helping so many people.

Thank you for all you do.

Trying to Change the Matzav

23 COMMENTS

  1. Cute idea, and no harm in sharing it with us, but as the “Online Voice of Torah Jews,” and always stressing lstening to Daas Torah (such as this article: http://matzav.com/the-matzav-rant-the-blue-claws-kishkes-opinion-and-thinking-aloud) shouldn’t Matzav.com consult Daas Torah before advacting such an idea? Perhaps they would say it’s great, perhaps they would say it would be a travesty (and if so, you shuldn’t post it).
    I don’t know if it’s a good idea or not, but I do know that unlike a poll about Homemade Vs. Store Bought Challah, Shiddich issues such as this (and the phone call dates in your last poll) should be left to the Gedolim to decide.

  2. I WOULD SUGGEST THAT PERHAPS A TORAH WEBSITE COULD ACCOMODATE THE TZIBUR BY GIVING THE SERVICE OF PARENTS POSTING THEIR ELLIGIBLE CHILDREN ON A WEBSITE WITH GENERAL INFO, THUS ENABLING EVERYONE TO BE A SHADCAN.MANY OF US WOULD LOVE TO SHADCHAN YIDDISHI KINDER,MANY OF US DO NOT EVEN KNOW THAT MANY OF OUR ACQUAINTANCES HAVE CHILDREN THAT ARE ELLIGIBLE.

  3. the problem is that it would be filled with girl’s names, but the boys would stay away from it since they have more girls on their lists than they need. Many would think of it as beneath their dignity to resort to that.

  4. if a boy/girl has the proper faith in Hashem he/she knows that they’re zivug will come at the proper time when Hashem knows is best for the person (depending on different things) JUST KEEP YOUR FAITH IN HASHEM & EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT

  5. You forgot one thing. Hishtadlus! When there’s a crisis we need more Hishtadlus! Look at what’s going on out there so many older singles!

  6. i think we should continue like it was done for generations that first the mother of the boy should meet the girl and then the boy should meet the girl in the house 5 or 6 times not more than 3 weeks and than decide but not to shlep out and than say no.i used this method and i was very happy.and im not chassidish.i went once for a walk somewhere and it didnt feel the same especially in the summer where could a boy go and not to meet to much bet.vort and chasuna.

  7. 1) Each person will need an “Agent” who will represent them. So if someone wants to contact the guy or girl..they will have to go through the “Agent”. ( I have a more greater detailed plan/idea about the use of agents in shiduchim, especially or 30+..but would like to advance those ideas in a more effective manner.)
    2)The site/forum should allow for other people to put on boys (or girls) information providing that they are willing to field the calls/inquiries about that person. This way if you are feeling guilty about not doing your part for the “matzav”..you can at least point out some good names (without the actual name, rather desrptive information), interesting parties can contact you, you can either red the shidduch yourself, or if that is too much, you can give the person inquiring some other contact names so they can inquire themselves. While this wouldn’t solve m any problems, it at least allow mothers of girls to be proactive in their daughters shidduchim, rather than feeling helpless and totally relying on others. This process would allow the Mom to call boys friends and neighbors directly (if she so chooses) and discussing the idea, hopefully allowing more avenues to open up.

    3)What ever is done, has to be done in a way to minimize the yentas, people who are just looking to figure out who the identities of the described are. If not, this whole thing will never work.

  8. yes..what i am suggesting, is that friends and neighbors unknowingly to the boys, place the boys description on the list. As long as they are willing to give the inquiring mother a few leads to people who can give them more information. This way collectively , we can all do our share.

  9. I believe I have an idea that will revolutionize the shiduch world. It is an idea that will require membership so everyone understands and appreciates the process and the people offering the service are compensated for their time.

    You can’t expect value for free therefore a worthwhile service must cost. If anyone has $100,000 plus to invest in a business that will produce results and they are seriously interested in investing and signing a non disclosure form please contact me at

    Shadchanpro@hotmail.com. Thank you.

  10. Great idea!

    I am a frum single man in my mid 30’s.

    I am successfull in buisness and I learn every day.

    I also take care of myself by working out each day to stay in healthy shape.

    I am looking for a sweet nice frum jewish girl!

    ………….Anyone?

  11. Tzvi:

    I’m single. My parents and I believe in the Eibishter, not these get-married-quick schemes.

    Does anyone think maybe our own attitudes has contributed to this hysteria? The Eibishter can take care of it, but not if some say, “Thanks, Hashem, but I got this one.”

    Rabbi Yisroel Reisman said recently that girls are not being treated with the proper respect. I don’t think plastering their names on the internet is particularly respectful.

    Let’s do what we have always done, but up the emunah factor a few levels.

  12. #6- very maskim.
    #8- you are pathetic. your own lack of bitachon does not give you a right to disrespect someone who has. Maybe you or one of your children had a hard time, i feel bad for you if so. How about thinkng that maybe there was a reason for it? Hkb”h has a plan for all of us. There is no reason to devalue another person’s belief because you are lacking in it yourself.

  13. In response to comment # 1:

    There is NOTHING wrong with Jewish single men meeting Jewish single women in subway stations or pizza shops.

    In fact, many Bnei Torah alive today are children or grandchildren of parents who met each other exactly that way, even if they would never admit it.

  14. I met my wife on the M train after we traded glances for about half a minute. My parents met at work because back in the day people worked very long hours. What I’m saying is that there is no one-size-fits-all formula for meeting ones beshert.I may not recommend this behavior for the Bnei Torah but neither do I recommend that bochrim being redt a shidduch should demand a photo. Tacky!

  15. Boy, reading these posts makes me glad I live where I do. I live in a village in the Shomron, where the population is Dati Leumi, and we do *not* have any of these problems whatsoever. The kids meet, and if it’s right, they get married. No worries, mate.

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