Dear Matzav.com Editor,
You wanted more details about the Sefardi girls shidduch crisis? You got it!
Yesterday, I wrote a letter to Matzav.com about the shidduch crisis regarding Sefardi girls. It was my first time posting on Matzav, and I had no idea how it was going to work out. I noticed that I got many people’s attention on this critical matter, which encourages me to continue in full detail about the whole situation. So here goes.
I live in America. I am Sefardi. There are many different types of Sefardim. Syrian. Iraqi. Moroccan. Persian. Yemenite. We are all different. Just because one is Sefardi Iraqi does not mean that they would click better with a Yemenite just because they are Sefardi too. Let’s get that clear. So the next time you call a Sefardi girl, please don’t say, “I know this great Sefardi guy learning in Lakewood.”
Secondly, when I said I am Sefardi by blood, I meant that I am completely affiliated with the Ashkenazic world. I have their mentality and their culture. If you are frum, then you attend Ashkenazic schools, Ashkenazis shuls, and associate with Ashkenazim, because Sefardim – in America – do not have such a strong organized school system, for the most part. (The exception to this is the Syrian community, which has a very strong system with schools and shuls.)
For the rest of us, there is not a strong Sefardi community, because there are not enough strong Sefardi families. (Yes, we are growing, and slowly but surely there will, iy”H, be many Sefardi frum families.)
Various Matzav.com readers asked what happened to the Sefardi boys. Once again, because the Ashkenazim are having a hard time marrying off their girls, they turn to our good, frum, Sefardi boys, and our boys readily agree to go out with them. After all, wouldn’t anyone love to join an established, frum, growing community?
So who are we left with to go out with?
I am redd shidduchim of boys who are 29 and up. I am redd disabled boys. I am redd boys who come with baggage. And I am redd to boys who were born and raised in other countries and who came to this country only a few years ago.
I know of several girls who married boys from the same origin as their parents. Yes, they married boys who were not born and raised in America.
We, Americanized frum Bais Yaakov girls, who have wonderfully blended into the communities, should go out with boys who came only a couple of years ago to the country?
Don’t get me wrong. I am sure boys from other countries are excellent, but they have a different mentality and different culture. They are just so different!
You know what they tell me? That I am being picky. I should give 29-year-old boys, disabled boys, boys from other countries, and boys who just became baalei teshuvah a year ago a chance!
I am picky?! Why? Because I do not want to marry someone who is entirely different than me? Because I am 21 and still not married?
I am not asking you all to sympathize with me. I am calling out for help! What should I do? Where do I go?
It frightens me, but the thought has occurred several times to me that maybe, perhaps, I should associate with a different type of crowd. Crowds where boys and girls meet on their own. This way, I can maybe find my bashert. But just the thought sends tears down my cheeks. How can a solid Bais Yaakov girl who comes from an excellent family that supports Torah ever do such a thing?
I, along with many other Sefardi girls, feel so rejected. What don’t we have? Sefardim have such yiras Shomayim.
“Aishes chayil mi yimtzah… Sheker hachein vehevel hayofi…isha yiras Hashem hi tishallal.”
I promise that I am not just saying this. We really do! And as a bonus, yes, many Sefardim happen to be wealthy, so support is not a problem. Yet, with all of this, we are rejected.
I understand that our parents are from different cultures, but please, won’t you even give us a chance? We won’t disappoint you.
This has been a long letter, and it might get boring for some readers, so I will stop here.
Once again, I do not want your sympathy. I want your help, advice, direction, suggestions and thoughts about this critical matter.
I thank the Matzav.com editors for being so kind to me and for allowing me to post this. And I thank you all for reading my message.
An Anxious Girl Full of Emunah