Shevet Hakehosi: When Your Wife And Parents Cannot Get Along


handshakeIf every time a man’s parents come over to his house to visit they cause a fight with his wife, and inevitably cause Sholom Bayis issues between him and his wife, may he tell his parents that they should not come anymore?

The Shevet HaKehosi brings the Rambam (Ishus 13:14) who paskens that if a women complains that she does not want her husband’s mother and sister to come to their home because they cause her grief, we┬álisten to her because a person cannot be forced to have unwanted people sit in their premises. The Shulchan Aruch (EH 74:9) agrees with the Rambam and adds that this applies even the husband’s father. The Bais Meir says that the Rambam only wrote about the mother-in-law and sister-in-law because in halacha they are considered a natural nemesis.

The Rema adds a caveat and says that this is only if Bais Din verifies that in fact they are the ones causing machlokes, otherwise we do not listen to her because it is her husband’s mitzva and she should not interfere without valid grounds. Bais Din in that case sends someone to investigate the true nature of the feud.

The Shevet Hakehosi says that the Rema is only talking about a case where the husband says that it is his wife that is initiating the machlokes. If however the husband agrees with his wife, then she needs no further proof in order to insist that her in-laws do not to come by anymore. This sad request should of course be delivered with the utmost sensitivity and respect by either the husband or the wife.

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