The Matzav Shmoooze: Kiddush Conundrum


kiddush-shulDear Editor,

I was sitting at a Kiddush this past Shabbos when I felt a hand reaching over my right shoulder. The hand made its way to a plate of herring on the table in front of me, picked up a piece with a toothpick, and then, with herring juice dripping on my jacket, made its way behind me.

A minute later, a different hand, belonging to a different person, made its way over my other shoulder, lifting a piece of potato kugel with a spoon. A small piece of kugel fell down on to my lapel, but the kugel-taker didn’t seem the least bit perturbed, placing the kugel on a plate in his other hand while heading off to enjoy his delicacy.

Can I no longer attend a Kiddush without walking out feeling like my suit must immediately be sent to the cleaners?


Yummy Klugman

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  1. Chill!!!

    If you so concerned about a drop of grease sit at the side and not smack in middle where all the food is.

  2. Solution: Don’t sit in front of the food your blocking peoples access. That also goes for all of you who hang out in front of the food table. Get in, get your food, and get out; don’t dawdle by the table.

  3. Perhaps you are one of those (usually broad-shouldered) people who position themselves strategically and squarely in front of the table so that you can feast on anything and everything on offer at your leisure, while the frail-bodied among us are doomed to attempt to maneuver around you while you refuse to budge from your prize position!!
    If this is you – we have no sympathy for you!
    If not, how on earth did you manage to get so close to the table?

  4. Which brings us to another issue where people jump in front and hog seats at the table without allowing anyone else an opportunity to seat while partaking at a kiddush

  5. Some enterprising person should create a non-stick food-and-drink repellent compound for Shabbos suits, like an ultra Scotchgard.

    The pushy, uncaring eaters need a mussar shmooze from the Rav.

  6. Perhaps you are one of those – usually broad-built individuals – who quickly position themselves strategically right in front of the table barring any access to anyone else, while you stand there for ages, surveying, choosing and finally devouring your shabbos dinner. The frail-bodied among us are doomed to trying to maneuver around this blockage and public nuisance!!
    If this is you, well – it serves you right, and no-one feels sorry for you.
    If it is not you – How on earth did you manage to get in front of the table?

  7. Although, these 2 individuals were rude and discourteous, maybe you were standing at the buffet table too long.

    Worst part of a kiddush are those people that feel it’s alright to stand right up front at the table blocking everyone else’s access to the food.

  8. Forget the kishke bigboy, where’s the derech eretz?
    We are a nation of royalty. It’s scary at some kiddushin I’ve been lately.
    My Korean dry cleaner sponsored late weeks.

  9. Sounds like you may of been one of those people standing and schmoozing right next to the platters. Don’t do that and you wont have the problem 🙂

  10. This same guy spills my coffee every morning in shul.

    Maybe we setup some herring classes [will call it shtipiglet, = manners for shtipping pigs] ? !

  11. What did you expect? Good manners?? Please? Thank-you?? Eacuese Me??? Welcome. They are not taught this in in their homes, and are not taught this in their school. See if they say Good Shabbos on the street.

  12. Oh my gosh…can’t you figure it out? So many of the men in my shul, even after having filled their plates, thoughtlessly remain parked in a solid line at the buffet table (happily eating away) and blocking anybody else from comfortably reaching the food. Every Shabbos I find myself having no choice but to reach over or around one of these table hogs (who are deaf to my pleading: “excuse me, can I please get through”) who refused to budge from their place at the “trough.” Well, boo on you! Fill your plate and STEP BACK away from the table my friend, so that somebody else can have a turn to get something to eat. If you don’t do the menschlich thing and instead hog the table, then you deserve whatever spills on you by your inconsideration of others.

  13. they probably didn’t realizes that it dropped.

    next Kiddush try to remain standing or sitting in a far corner. its not meant to stay for long. its meant to give mazel tov & eat something quickly.

    i.e. you need to save room to eat your wife’s food at the lunch meal

  14. #1 dumb answer we do have a problem but its deeper then that it that we don’t care about anyone else but US u air are a non entity And its not only your shul’s kiddush but most answer though is go early and sit with your back to a wall. No one can get behind you. Or else stand. Or offer to help those slobs that r looking for food.

  15. Yes, take your food, then move away from the serving table, allowing others to gain access without resorting to reaching over your shoulder.

  16. Perhaps you should not sit in the middle of a high traffic area. Get you kugel and move aside, so that others can also take.

  17. dear matzav,
    don’t you understand that these type of moronic stories are insulting to your readership?
    How about some contents to your stories?

  18. The problem is people who take food and stand by the table and eat over the table with no regard to anyone else who wants to take food. From the sound of your column it seems like you fall into that category. Take your food, and walk away, and think about others who also want to take food.

  19. The offenders licheora need to pay his cleaning costs and ask mechilah!

    If things don’t improve, perhaps he should only go to a kiddush in a place where proper decorum is observed.

  20. maybe step away from the table to make room for other hungry, heilege neshamas. Please forgive them , they were just trying to fulfill the mitzvah of not fasting on Shabbos.

  21. Wasnt there a child sitting in your seat.
    Were sitting in a childs seat.
    Only children are allowed to sit at kiddushim.
    I dont understand.

  22. Amazing 52 people respond to this nonsense and 2 people respond to the story of terrorists killing yidden. Boy do we have OUR priorities wrong. Myself included

  23. The overwhelming amount of answers that dismiss the writer is a display of how poorly we have absorbed the middos that our Gedoylim have taugjht us. Can anyone imagine Rav Yaakov ZTL, or Rav Moshe ZTL reaching to chap food and do nezek (staining clothing) and hurt a fellow yid?

    I wonder if more people would care if we would Shray “Chillul Shabbos — Meleches Tzovaya!”

    Do we not care about dinei nizikin and ben adom l’chaveiro?

  24. #22 Do you enjoy disparaging your jewish brothers? Because that’s what you are doing.And to all the people who have ugly comments,shame on all of you. Not everyone out there behaves that way or has no manners, and WE ARE taught manners in school, yeshiva (Torah) and at home and for you to come and spew your hatred is very indicative of who you are and where you stand. Enough said.

  25. okay
    A) who says he stayed at the table? maybe he was there for 5 seconds getting food?

    and B) even if he was, that doesn’t give you the right to be oiver on issur de’osressia of nezzek…

    c) ever heard of daam le’chaf zechus?

  26. Unfortunately many behave like its Motzei Yom Kippur when they are at a kiddush.
    A little bit of respect for the Shul a mokom kodosh, a little respect for one another and a bit of self respect.
    This should cure the problem

  27. When people have not eaten for almost a half day, they act out of character, and not for the better. Solution: Don’t get into such a situation in the first place. There is the quick early Minyan with the quick bite Kiddush. Failing this, one can leave quietly after Krias Torah and privately make a quick Kiddush. Lose hearing HafTorah, but avoid the sin of being a Mazik.

  28. All of you are forgetting an important Halacha…

    If I was there, I would have made sure to spill some shnapps in between the fish and kugel in order to keep them separate. L’Chayim!!!

  29. Well.
    At least he didn’t put in his own fork back into the serving dish of cholent to spread his germs
    (At least I hope not)

  30. sounds like you are blocking other people from having access to the food. Take what you want to eat and let other people partake after you get out of the way. Sounds like you are lonesome. Is this all you worry about? Be considerate of others, and maybe talk to a therapist about why you are so needy and critical of other people.