The Matzav Shmoooze: UnAmerican Airlines


american-airlinesDear American Airlines,

When airlines like you invoke the name of my country, it makes me feel pretty unpatriotic.

You weren’t always this way. I can hearken back to the days when you let us check bags for free. Remember when people actually brought on shaitel boxes as carryons since they’d put all their clothes in the cargo-hold? Ahhh…. and I think I even remember meals served, free of charge. Stewardesses seemed like they wanted to help us. Leg room even seemed more sufficient (although my legs were a sight shorter in those days).

But lately, you’ve just become so difficult to deal with. It seems the customer is never right anymore. In a flurrying rush to cut costs and fuel consumption, you’ve thrown manners and decency out the small round window. And as a result, your customers are feeling bluer than those flotation devices you make us sit on.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

But yet you don’t seem to agree with the Founding Fathers. “All men are created equal” — that is, unless they have Admirals Club membership. Those men must be more equal than others. And our unalienable rights seem to be at risk, as well. The hallowed and sacred right to to Life? With the ridiculous TSA procedures guaranteed to humiliate the innocent and ignore the guilty, even our safety may be called into question. Our national mainstay of Liberty? When you’re sitting in a middle seat imprisoned by a fat lady snoring in the aisle seat, can that be called freedom?

And yet the last one — pursuit of happiness — American Airlines has guaranteed us forever. By flying AA, we’ll be able to pursue happiness forever, cause we sure ain’t gonna attain it.

a disAadvantage member


The Matzav Shmoooze is a regular feature on that allows all readers to share a thought or analysis, long or short, one sentence or several paragraphs long, on any topic, for readers to mull over and comment on. Email submissions to

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  1. Buddy, you wrote a whole letter complaining and expressing YOUR fellings. However, you don’t mention what exactly, it is, that’s bothering you. Case and point please.

    I just flew with American to Europe and back over Pesach and had no complaints on their service. (Not spectacular and not bad at all. I was happy

  2. Not that I disagree with most of what you post – but – as far as “all men being equal” – not really safe to write that here, a website that condones Kohanim, Leviim, and Israelim, not to mention mechitzas and avadim. Nu?

  3. Why would you expect to be treated the same way an Admirals Club member is treated? Businesses treat loyal costumers better than an infrequent one.

    Instead of raising ticket prices $50 they charge to check luggage. Fuel is expensive. Unions suck the life out of AMR Corp.

    Delta and United are no better!

  4. And all this time I thought airlines were businesses. I had no idea they were supposed to be living examples of the Declaration of Independence. This editorial taught me a lot!

  5. And Chazer Fleish —

    You should be thrilled to the letter writer for allowing you do do what you seem to do best: troll!

  6. Is there a relevant point here for Jewish people? Or is this just an annoyed goy passenger who loves