The Matzav Shmoooze: Waiting for My Bus


shidduchimDear Editor,

With provisions for the way, I rush to the bus stop certain my bus will arrive any moment. When I get to the tachana I see people spilling out into the street, each waiting for different buses. I take a seat on a small spot of a bench among the many people, waiting for my bus to arrive.

Then I see a bus approaching, and I anticipatorily step into the street ready to board what I am sure is my bus. Rav Kav and money in hand, I glance at the kav number, and I realize that this is not my bus. Disappointed, I step back and watch as other travelers hurriedly board the bus and as the bus pulls away into the busy traffic.

More buses come and go, and each time I am certain that it will be my bus. Sometimes I think it is my bus and almost board, only to realize it is a 36 not a 39 or 56 not a 52. Alas, I am left alone with my now crumpled 50 shekel bill and sweaty 10 shekel coin. The other travelers have gotten on their buses, and I am alone waiting for my bus.

As I wait, I ponder the truths of waiting. Just because there are other buses coming does it mean that my bus is any nearer to arriving? Would it not be better for the 36 to not come only to get my hopes up to later crash as I realize it is not my bus? As I sit waiting at the now relatively quiet tachana, I realize that my bus can come at any time even if it is not preceded by many other buses.

I put away my Rav Kav, put away my money, and I sit quietly with my open tehillim. I have done all I can to ready myself for the arrival of my bus, now I can only sit and wait for it to arrive. That is not in my hands.

So here I stand at my hypothetical bus stop. Life rushes me by, yet sometimes, somehow, slows to a virtual standstill. I feel like I have made all the necessary hishtadlus to find my bashert, and so I wait. I greet every arriving bus with the anticipation that this could be my ride. I try not to get disillusioned when none of the buses are mine. I strengthen my resolve when the bus stop gets quiet and my friends have all gone on their journeys, but I do sometimes wonder where my bus is and what is taking so long. It is at these times that I remind myself that “no bus” or “wrong bus” does not mean my bus is not far behind.

In Shidduchim

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  1. Thx for your inspiring words. I’ll keep that in mind the next time I am left standing by the bus for ten years!

  2. At a certain point it is time to settle for a different bus. It may be a more circuitous path but it will get you to your destination

  3. After you finally get on your bus and travel for a little bit, you will understand why your bus came late, and be thankful everyday that it didn’t come earlier, or that you didn’t get on the wrong bus.

  4. WHATS DA POINT!!!???!?! The point is that this person is sharing a little bit of his/her pain and words of chizuk that help him/her to withstand the pain. I think we could all benefit from a little extra sensitivity. May you never know the pain and anguish that comes with waiting for something important.
    Thank you for this beautiful mashal and may H’ bless you with much happiness bkarov!

  5. Yankel,your comment was very astute although I am sure there will be many people who will be offended by it. I personally think it was a very wise point brought about in a very clever way-yasher koiach!!!

  6. Make sure you have a meaningful, significant and pleasant life whether or not “your bus has come.” Don’t be brainwashed by all the people who assume that because you’re not married that you’re not yet a “real person” or that you must be miserable.

    Thanks to our broken shidduch system we have sentenced many of our girls (and some of the boys) to indeterminate singlehood. Until we get our community act together and fix that, you’ll just have to hang tough. Forget all the “you have to marry a X” that you heard. You yourself are an important person whether you’re married or not.

  7. EXCUSE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what’s the point? i can tell that people who ask such questions aren’t waiting for their bus. and are callous. the point is that i too am waiting, not even that long, but it’s been a painful wait, and i got chizuk from what this person wrote. and then i see the leitzanus, and i wish it was only 1 piece of leitzanus, that was doche the meah tochachos. AWFUL. and yankel and bubby – i am disgusted how you can respond to an expression of someone’s raw pain this way. i agree that at times people do have to settle, but how many cases does that apply to? personally, i am waiting to find my bashert, and i am not being picky at all – i’m in shidduchim close to five years and have never been given the chance to go out. can you imagine that? am i being picky? should i settle so that i don’t end up an older single girl? what choice do i have?
    and even if your point was 100% valid – i don’t think a person expressing their unbearable pain needs your criticism, however subtle. a little sympathy and understanding would do them much better.

  8. even though this waiting time is bh behind me i can realize what the writer is saying. Its also important to keep in mind that those other buses who did come were obviously not meant for u! Also, if another person got onto a different bus, you can be fully happy for them because that bus has nothing to do with the bus that will still arrive to take you home. Hatzlacha!

  9. yeah i also had to wait for my bus…but the chizuk is once it came it was clear why i hadn’t gotten on all the other buses…. hatzlacha and keep davening

  10. #17:
    shidduch crisis solved? of course! because there is no such thing as a shidduch crisis! every person has their own personal shidduch crisis – and that is the time it takes til they find their bashert. believing that there’s a “shidduch crisis” b/c of statistics etc., and saying we’re doing this, is against emunah and bitachon. i dont believe in a shidduch crisis. i belive bemunah shelaimah that every person has a certain amount of time they have to wait and tzar they have to go through until they settle down to build their mishpacha gedolah b’yisroel. ascribing it to statistics and making it sound like it’s our fault and b’yadeinu to change, is bordering on kefira. HKB”H has a plan for every single person, and kol hishtadlus she’baolam cannot change that. yes, we have to act responsibly, but we have to know and remember at all times who the “Mehava kol hahavayos u’Mesaveiv kol hasibos” is.
    oh, and i’m not a callous married person or a boy who’s been out on a million dates and who feels like he owns the world. no, not at all, i’m a girls who’s in shidduchim for close to five years and has never been given the chance, never deemed worthy of a date.

  11. First of all, I think this piece speaks to more than just someone waiting to find their zivug; it applies to any time in life where one finds himself waiting at a crossroads. Also, I doubt anyone is looking for sympathy here. It’s just about sharing feelings and giving chizuk to those who can relate and gain from reading such a piece, knowing that they are not alone, and putting things into perspective a bit. Lastly, if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Why drop callous words and possibly destroy when you remain silent?

  12. My bus went off the road a long time ago & then it broke down! I’m waiting here all alone for someone to get me back on the road. I’m lacking the tools to fix it myself.

  13. Dear shidduch seeking male or female,

    Reading your letter , we get some sense of the pain and challenges you are dealing with in your attempt to find your soul mate.

    However, we are all limited in what we can do to help because we know absolutely nothing about you.

    Why not write a follow up note right here in this letter column telling us about yourself and what you are seeking and leave your email and contact information with the administrator of , and perhaps someone reading this will think of an idea and try to contact you.

    Abe Schonfeld