The Matzav Shmoooze: What Am I To Do?

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walletDear Editor,

I was wondering if anyone else is experiencing what I am experiencing.

We hear about the tuition crisis and the parnassah crisis and all that. I am one of those who are victims of these crises. My problem isn’t that I don’t have a job. I have one. I actually have two. But the earnings simply don’t cover my expenses. I can’t just pick myself up and try another field, hoping to bring in more money. How can I suddenly give up my job? And how do I know I’ll earn more in another field?

And it’s not like I am earning pennies. I am making close to 80 grand, but that’s a joke when you consider all the expenses a frum family has. So I am choking. It isn’t the parnassah crisis. It’s the parnassah choke.

My oldest child is now entering shidduchim. Our finances are going to be a nightmare.

What is a person like me supposed to do?

Sincerely,

D. B.

Brooklyn, NY

{Matzav.com Newscenter}


57 COMMENTS

  1. there’s nothing to do. we live in a world where the rich people live in their gorgeous houses and the 80% of people who can’t make it suffer. Period.

  2. SAME HERE, WORK 40 PLUS HOURS A WEEK WITH NICE HOURLY WAGE. MORTGAGE AND TUITIONS FOR MY BIG FAMILY IS ABOUT 80% OF MY SALARY.I CAN”T EVEN AFFORD TO BUY LUNCH.

  3. Let me help you by quoting the words of the Chazon Ish;
    “More than any hishtadlus one can do, tefillah can accomplish much more”.
    May I suggest that you have a serious discussion (three times a day)with He who can do all (as we say in Ashrei “Tov Hashem Lakol” meaning “Hashem is good for everything”). For some reason, He waits and loves to hear from us. In fact that is the reason we are here,just to spend time with Him and to get to know Him. There is nothing more that He loves than someone who feels and lives a life completely dependant upon Him. “Al tivtachu bindivim”, He and only He cares and waits everyday to hear from you,so that he can send you the help you need. This is the real world, not a mussar shmooz.There are times when Hashem makes it difficult for us thereby causing us to seak assistance. The smart ones know where to turn to. BE SMART.

  4. Yes, many many people are in your shoes. unfortunately not everyone is responsible enough to even take the 2nd job.
    There is no easy answer, what most people do is borrow, borrow, and borrow some more and work till their 90 and eventually pay everyone back, sit down look at what you accomplished, your beautiful family and grandchildren, and it all becomes worthwhile.
    Hatzlacha

  5. I think more yidden are experiencing that same problem than you might imagine.

    Even in Israel, where tuition costs are much less, an average family with 6 grown kids will have expenses between 18K – 20K NIS/mo.

    That amount is more than two parents working with decent jobs can net after tax.

    This is before shidduchim.

    Don’t think there are any easy answers al pi derech haTeva.

    The world needs the Go’el Tsedek.

  6. Why didn’t you pursue a profession that earns six digits when you were in your twenties??? Of course you’re not making it on 80K in the frum world!

  7. Unfortunately, you live in one of the most expensive areas of the United States to be a frum Jew. Just by way of example, here in Milwaukee, the average frum family with a lot of children will get free tuition or highly reduced due to either scholarships or school choice. Large nice brick houses in the frum city neighborhood, which is quite liveable and safe, certainly compared to Brooklyn, can be easily had for less than $100,000. That includes a decent yard and off street garage parking. Gas is cheap, there is no traffic, food is cheap.

    Now, the down side…no Kosher restaurants AT ALL. (We go to Chicago) One BY high school, one Yeshivah (Chofetz Chaim) Two day schools, one Lubavitch aligned, one not. One Kollel, so Brooklyn it ain’t as far as Yiddishkeit.

    So, that is your solution, move to Milwaukee.

  8. ?????? ?? ????? ???? ?? ????

    We don’t see how we will manage in ADVANCE, but after all our kids are married off, then we see how Hashem made the miracles happen, one by one.

    We only see Hashem from the “back”…

    This is because Hashem wanted to leave us room for Emunah and Bitachon. That’s where the work is. This is what we are here for. He is looking down on us and smiling when we trust in Him and know that He takes care of all our needs.

  9. my Dear Friend there is no magic & I am very sorry to say . you have to raise the money by collecting as there is no magic to this & I know you are ashamed but you will find out that you are not the only one doing this , but your next door neighbors are doing the same & you are no different than the rest who make a decent living and don’t need help all year round, however when it comes to marrying of children they are stopped dead in their tracks. the math is very simple , you earn x and the expenses are much more so the smartest is going around and asking some nice people Discreetly without it being publicized .

  10. I am a fuinancial Adviser & have assisted many people to get their finances & their life back on track.

    Its time for you to sit down with your spouse & make a budget plan ASAP, this means theres no getting up until you work things out financially so you could enjoy life together.

    example. soon will be Chanuka, its time to start NOW only going out to eat once a week-instead of twice-so that by the time the summer arrives you will have enough to pay for all your childrens camps etc….
    many other cases where people can lower their expenses & only spend on what we NEED & not on what me WANT. Do we need 2 cars to live? do we need an iphone or can we manage with a flip phone & a regular cell phone plan.

    HATZLACHA

  11. I know what I am going to say sounds contrite. But as someone in the same boat-just married off a child, have 2 kids in seminary…..etc but you have to daven.
    Cos-you ARE doing your hishtadlus so you have to ask Hashem to fill in the rest!
    A person is only supposed to do as much as he is bodily able to do………….the rest is really up to Hashem!

  12. D.B., i’m sure a lot of us are experiencing this, just about exactly as you describe. In our case, my husband is, in the new field he retrained for, holding 2-3 jobs and making about your salary. I, who also used my retirement money to retrain, am unemployed. Our eldest is entering shidduchim. We wonder the same thing you do sometimes. I remind myself that the Ribbono Shel Olam runs the world and i trust this is good for us and will work out just fine. I wish you much Bracha and Hatzlacha in all you do and wonderful shidduchs for your children- it should be with much bracha and clarity. Don’t worry so much about the money because H-shem is in control and He is doing the very best for us all, and He wants us to approach life situations with Simcha.

  13. Please tell your children to go to college and major in an employable field so that they (BOTH sons and daughters) can provide for their families in a respectable manner.

  14. All the well intentioned people who advise to Daven are misguided and insensitive to this mans plight. Ditto the fools asking if he went to college. There are many people who went to college and they do not make anything near $80,000 per year. The fact is it has become extraordinarily expensive to have a frum family and meet all the financial obligations that come with that. In order to make the kind of money that is required, there are only a few professions available and they require advanced degrees and lengthy schooling and of course Mazel even after all of that. Telling someone to move out of town is also very insensitive. Perhaps it is time for Askanim and Rabbonim to get together and address this problem with real solutions.

  15. Let me tell you something: For all of you asking whether the auther is college educated. One can have a degree and even a post graduate degree and still be unemployed. Consider myself whose husband earned a four year degree and even beyond that. He is unemployed. Therefore, having gotten a post high school education does not guarantee success in parnassah.

  16. tough situation. we are in similar matzav. you must try to cut spending. go thru every bill and see what you can cut. cell plans, phone bills, food….

  17. Regarding comments #2 and #10, this person did not say that he didn’t go to college and even if he did, do you have any idea what you are talking about? The medium household income in the United States is $50k, this is not talking about Kiryas Yoel and Vishnitz, it’s referring to the entire United States. This person is making $80k/year, $30k more than the average American! Most people, even those that go to college, do not make large six figure salaries. Social workers, physical therapists etc. etc. are all professional jobs that can easily make less than $80k! I know quite a few people making large six figure salaries who are also struggling because they pay more than $60k/year just in tuition!!
    There are no easy answers.

  18. Agree with Yudel. As a Mesila counselor, you need to sit down and figure out where you can cut costs/increase income. Do you have CONCRETE numbers as to what food, utilities are costing you? etc. I am not discrediting the other statements, but you need to do your hishtadlus ASAP to get an idea of your cash flow. I hate to say it but many people do NOT know what it is.

  19. So true, so true.
    I agree with #2. When my neighbors are building monster mansions in our face, what are they thinking??? Do they think it will endear us towards them? Do they think they’re above Eyen Horah? .
    As to those who suggest moving “out of town”, that can only be done when the children are very young. Once a family is established with Yeshivos, friends, community, jobs, etc… uprooting an entire family can be very dangerous.
    Like was mentioned above: I take Teffila very seriously. The Abishter will always take care of us when we turn to him. Hatzlacha.

  20. The post is such a heavy situation and one that is affecting so many in Klal Yisroel. Matzav has posted these types of letters before and you should continue to post them for if there are any solutions to share they can help so many.

    However, Matzav editors, please do us all a very important favor and teach us all a lesson in caring for others and being Nosay oy’l – as only you can.

    Please only post helpful and constructive comments. The people who comment with insults and silly suggestions are really hurtful and have no place here.

    For example – if a person is crying out for help there is nothing to gain now by asking if they went to collage. As well, telling a family to pick up and move is not a practical suggestion (explaining the lifestyle of another community I understand, but knocking Brooklyn is pointless to the person in trouble).

    Comment #23 was such a beautiful comment. It makes the writer feel that someone cares. it provides Chizuk. Comments like #’s 1,2,10 and 21 were destructive and uncalled for. Matzav editors – it is in your hands to just not post these comments and to allow those in pain a forum to express their concerns and only read Chizuk and practical suggestions.

    To DB (who posted this) – Emo Anochie Batzara. I am in the same boat and too many times I feel like I cannot do it anymore. What helps me when i am down is to spend time alone only focusing and counting the wonderful things Hashem has benched me with. I have a house. It may be falling apart but I have a house. I have a family. We may be struggling with certain things but I have a family. I have friends. they may have things better then me (the way it appears to me on the outside) but I have friends. I have my health. I may feel weak or not well at times from the pressures but I have my health. Keep doing this and it should help you at least to keep smiling and your head up.

    Hashem loves us all and even though at times it may feel like it is a “tough love”. He still loves us.

    Thank you for posting this letter. I will Daven for you and I am sure others will as well. No Teffila goes unanswered and hopefully Hashem who is the Goimel Chasodim Tovim will bring you the yeshua you are waiting for.

  21. My husband and I both went to college (frum ones). It’s absolutely not a guarentee that you’ll make more. There are people in business without degrees and klei kodesh who are doing better than us. We are making a decent salary on paper but with tuition and other frum expenses we’re actually below poverty level. We DO live out of town. Many people don’t realize that its actually more expensive to live out of town than to live in the Lakewood/ NY area. Tuition costs MUCH more here, food costs more, we need 2 cars here and have hefty gas bills due to carpools and all shopping being at least a 10 minute drive. Living out of town is not the answer! We are able to live more simply than if we lived in NY since out of town that’s more the norm and somehow me make it from month to month. Hashem decides on rosh hashana what our salary will be. He knows how many children we have and how much we need to survive. If we go and blow that money on luxeries that are not needed we won’t have much left over for the truly important things. But we are very careful to only spend on what we really need and somehow when we need something the money is there. It’s a nes every month. Almost half our salary goes to tuition. We don’t get gov’t subsidies or free camp for our kids. We’d probably be doing the same or better if we made less and got the discounts and subsidies. For some this is actually a better alternative. Hashem has all kinds of ways to give us parnasah. Just keep davening, do your hishtadlus by keeping your expenses down, accept subsidies or tzedakah if needed and iy”H you’ll manage.

  22. I am not minimizing your challenge. I too am blessed with a large family and find paying bills and other expenses to be stressful and daunting. After 30 years of going through this difficulty, I’d like to make some comments that may be helpful.
    • Daven. There have been times in my life where I hit close to rock bottom financially. Likewise, money has come to me from unexpected sources. You never know what’s around the corner.
    • Eliminate excess. Everybody has some things they absolutely need in order to live. But you cann’t have it all. You’ll be surprised when you consider what you can honestly do without. Don’t compare your needs to those of your neighbors or friends.
    • Remind yourself that everbody has their ‘peckle’. Look around. There are many families you are familiar with who have serious issues that cannot be resolved by money. Everybody is challenged in some way. Finances is the easiest of all the problems. This is not a solution – but I will help you hold on to your sanity.
    • Warning – don’t try to make money by an easy kill on the stock market or some other hair-brained scheme. For every winner, there are many loosers. These are alluring but dangerous waters.

    I always think to myself that Hashem carried me till this point, though I really can’t understand how. Halevai vaiter for all of us.

  23. I think our generation is very spoiled & is trying to live on a much higher standard. If everyone would try to live on a much lower affordable standard & not try to keep up with their neighbor, living would be much more affordable.

    Tuition is so expensive because we need to cover for those that don’t pay. Those that don’t pay because they can’t afford it should go around collecting, since it is hurting for the ones that struggle to pay.

  24. Start a new religion, like Lopatin/YCT. You’ll attract scads of people making 250K/year, and have it easy. Afterlife, however, might not be so cool. Freier Enterprise has always strangled decent people. When you get to 250K, that amount will be gornisht. A million in the bank won’t get you bupkis. Prioritize your needs and expenditures honorably, li-fi ha-Torah, and remain a good model for your children. BUT NEVER MOVE TO MILWAUKEE!! (just kidding). Kol tov.

  25. every tragedy that is going on or that has happened has a wake-up message from Hashem.

    What is the Message from Hashem?

    Why is the economy so bad today? Why is the whole world going down? For the past thousands of years there was always Avoda zara in the world-from the molech to the baal to the asheira tree etc…-todays avoda zara is MONEY, we are a servant to money, we serve money, we bow down to money, we let money talk & rule us. Thus we leave Hashem no choice but to take it away from us Rachmana L’tzlan. But you can still save yourself from going down. if a person can use his money the right way & remember that it all comes from Hashem & it was just loaned to him (even though he worked for it), then he is the perfect person to continue holding Hashem’s money.

  26. Living below the standard is not as easy as so many posters make it seem. Most people think that we don’t have anything and can’t afford anything. My house is paid for B’H, my full tuition is being paid every month on time, my wife has gotten one new shaitel in eight years, I haven’t bought a new suit in three years and our cars are at least three years old. Paying support for married children is the biggest drain and the reason that my wife won’t buy anything for herself. We all have some choices that we make, some are made for us and some we agree to because we feel outside pressure. I wish the OP hatzlocha and brocha in his quest for parnassah.

  27. 1899

    A Message to Garcia

    By Elbert Hubbard

    In all this Cuban business there is one man stands out on the horizon of my memory like Mars at perihelion. When war broke out between Spain & the United States, it was very necessary to communicate quickly with the leader of the Insurgents. Garcia was somewhere in the mountain vastness of Cuba- no one knew where. No mail nor telegraph message could reach him. The President must secure his cooperation, and quickly.

    What to do!

    Some one said to the President, “There’s a fellow by the name of Rowan will find Garcia for you, if anybody can.”

    Rowan was sent for and given a letter to be delivered to Garcia. How “the fellow by the name of Rowan” took the letter, sealed it up in an oil-skin pouch, strapped it over his heart, in four days landed by night off the coast of Cuba from an open boat, disappeared into the jungle, & in three weeks came out on the other side of the Island, having traversed a hostile country on foot, and delivered his letter to Garcia, are things I have no special desire now to tell in detail.

    The point I wish to make is this: McKinley gave Rowan a letter to be delivered to Garcia; Rowan took the letter and did not ask, “Where is he at?” By the Eternal! there is a man whose form should be cast in deathless bronze and the statue placed in every college of the land. It is not book-learning young men need, nor instruction about this and that, but a stiffening of the vertebrae which will cause them to be loyal to a trust, to act promptly, concentrate their energies: do the thing- “Carry a message to Garcia!”

    General Garcia is dead now, but there are other Garcias.

    No man, who has endeavored to carry out an enterprise where many hands were needed, but has been well nigh appalled at times by the imbecility of the average man- the inability or unwillingness to concentrate on a thing and do it. Slip-shod assistance, foolish inattention, dowdy indifference, & half-hearted work seem the rule; and no man succeeds, unless by hook or crook, or threat, he forces or bribes other men to assist him; or mayhap, God in His goodness performs a miracle, & sends him an Angel of Light for an assistant. You, reader, put this matter to a test: You are sitting now in your office- six clerks are within call.

    Summon any one and make this request: “Please look in the encyclopedia and make a brief memorandum for me concerning the life of Correggio”.

    Will the clerk quietly say, “Yes, sir,” and go do the task?

    On your life, he will not. He will look at you out of a fishy eye and ask one or more of the following questions:

    Who was he?

    Which encyclopedia?

    Where is the encyclopedia?

    Was I hired for that?

    Don’t you mean Bismarck?

    What’s the matter with Charlie doing it?

    Is he dead?

    Is there any hurry?

    Shan’t I bring you the book and let you look it up yourself?

    What do you want to know for?

    And I will lay you ten to one that after you have answered the questions, and explained how to find the information, and why you want it, the clerk will go off and get one of the other clerks to help him try to find Garcia- and then come back and tell you there is no such man. Of course I may lose my bet, but according to the Law of Average, I will not.

    Now if you are wise you will not bother to explain to your “assistant” that Correggio is indexed under the C’s, not in the K’s, but you will smile sweetly and say, “Never mind,” and go look it up yourself.

    And this incapacity for independent action, this moral stupidity, this infirmity of the will, this unwillingness to cheerfully catch hold and lift, are the things that put pure Socialism so far into the future. If men will not act for themselves, what will they do when the benefit of their effort is for all? A first-mate with knotted club seems necessary; and the dread of getting “the bounce” Saturday night, holds many a worker to his place.

    Advertise for a stenographer, and nine out of ten who apply, can neither spell nor punctuate- and do not think it necessary to.

    Can such a one write a letter to Garcia?

    “You see that bookkeeper,” said the foreman to me in a large factory.

    “Yes, what about him?”

    “Well he’s a fine accountant, but if I’d send him up town on an errand, he might accomplish the errand all right, and on the other hand, might stop at four saloons on the way, and when he got to Main Street, would forget what he had been sent for.”

    Can such a man be entrusted to carry a message to Garcia?

    We have recently been hearing much maudlin sympathy expressed for the “downtrodden denizen of the sweat-shop” and the “homeless wanderer searching for honest employment,” & with it all often go many hard words for the men in power.

    Nothing is said about the employer who grows old before his time in a vain attempt to get frowsy ne’er-do-wells to do intelligent work; and his long patient striving with “help” that does nothing but loaf when his back is turned. In every store and factory there is a constant weeding-out process going on. The employer is constantly sending away “help” that have shown their incapacity to further the interests of the business, and others are being taken on. No matter how good times are, this sorting continues, only if times are hard and work is scarce, the sorting is done finer- but out and forever out, the incompetent and unworthy go.

    It is the survival of the fittest. Self-interest prompts every employer to keep the best- those who can carry a message to Garcia.

    I know one man of really brilliant parts who has not the ability to manage a business of his own, and yet who is absolutely worthless to any one else, because he carries with him constantly the insane suspicion that his employer is oppressing, or intending to oppress him. He cannot give orders; and he will not receive them. Should a message be given him to take to Garcia, his answer would probably be, “Take it yourself.”

    Tonight this man walks the streets looking for work, the wind whistling through his threadbare coat. No one who knows him dare employ him, for he is a regular fire-brand of discontent. He is impervious to reason, and the only thing that can impress him is the toe of a thick-soled No. 9 boot.

    Of course I know that one so morally deformed is no less to be pitied than a physical cripple; but in our pitying, let us drop a tear, too, for the men who are striving to carry on a great enterprise, whose working hours are not limited by the whistle, and whose hair is fast turning white through the struggle to hold in line dowdy indifference, slip-shod imbecility, and the heartless ingratitude, which, but for their enterprise, would be both hungry & homeless.

    Have I put the matter too strongly? Possibly I have; but when all the world has gone a-slumming I wish to speak a word of sympathy for the man who succeeds- the man who, against great odds has directed the efforts of others, and having succeeded, finds there’s nothing in it: nothing but bare board and clothes.

    I have carried a dinner pail & worked for day’s wages, and I have also been an employer of labor, and I know there is something to be said on both sides. There is no excellence, per se, in poverty; rags are no recommendation; & all employers are not rapacious and high-handed, any more than all poor men are virtuous.

    My heart goes out to the man who does his work when the “boss” is away, as well as when he is at home. And the man who, when given a letter for Garcia, quietly take the missive, without asking any idiotic questions, and with no lurking intention of chucking it into the nearest sewer, or of doing aught else but deliver it, never gets “laid off,” nor has to go on a strike for higher wages. Civilization is one long anxious search for just such individuals. Anything such a man asks shall be granted; his kind is so rare that no employer can afford to let him go. He is wanted in every city, town and village- in every office, shop, store and factory. The world cries out for such: he is needed, & needed badly- the man who can carry a message to Garcia.

    THE END-

  28. 1. Almost everyone has entered into marriage and raising a family with a certain fundamental ignorance about the harsh realities of frum economic life. What we collectively define as ‘normal’ or ‘necessary’ today was wildly excessive even 10 or 20 years ago. No one is going to solve this for us; the only answer is that when starting out a couple must live within their modest means and not take on debt of any kind (other than a reasonably sized mortgage and other than student loans for employment-likely tuition).
    This can be done if a couple is aware financially (and not coddled), and deeply unimpressed with their surroundings, but once behind the 8-ball with a Flatbush or Five Towns sized living standard it is, unfortunately, very difficult to dig out. Tuition is only part of the problem. Simcha spending is another.
    The ultimate problem is people assume the math will work out even if they follow the ‘Jonses’, which is essentially relying on a miracle.
    There are klei kodesh families who understand this and those who do not; same as baale baatim where some do and some do not. Attitude and knowledge about household finances is the key driver for most people, not what kind of job or whether they went to college.

    2. I am embarrassed that someone pours his heart out and people in this forum tell the writer to daven. The writer knows about davening; the question is what is proper hishtadlus. We all should be davening for them, not telling them to daven.

    3. See this website for some good articles about how we can train ourselves and our children to be financially responsible in a Torah-dig way: http://www.mesila.org

  29. I dont know why people are so into college. I went to school, owe a boatload of money and make peanuts. Studies show that college is not financially worth it. Most people I know did not go to college and now own their own business, sell insurance and all make as much money as those who are accountants, lawyers. Hishtadlus and mazel

  30. all the people who wrote go to college are making a mistake. i mean how much more than 80k will s/o make if he goes to college. i am a young guy who lives in lkwd and thank god everyone i know sees to be making it but alot of people seem to be in your predicament

  31. Sorry for my wrigting, wnglish is not my lenguaje. I myself am frum, I also study college and post college for 10 years. 5 years ago I change my prioritis: more torah study, more tefila, not just shajrit, minja and arbit, but talking to HASHEM. What specialy work for me was singing tehilim early in the morning, before tefila. increase torah study in the morning, work a Little in the morning, take a nap in the afternoon, work alittle more, study at night. throw all my problems to Hashem and go to sleep peacesfully. Never complain. 80% of my tefila is to say thank you for what I have. make tefilla for someone else and forget about your problem. My best addvise: It dosnt mater what kinf of person you are: GO TO THE BOOK STORE AND BY BRESLOV BOOKS . DONT just read them live them. I specialy recomend THE GARDEN OF GRATITUD. All of them are great. Look, I am not a Breslover with long peyot. Iam a simple yew, adoctor in Mexico City. Beraja and Hatlaja and mazaltov for the wedding.

  32. Make aliyah; in Israel there is no such thing as a tuition crisis. Not saying this an easy adjustment. But it’s one of the many perks that comes along when one moves to the Holy Land, aside from, well, living there:)

  33. My wife and I have an adjusted gross income of just under 200k. We have been blessed with ten children. We cannot make ends meet. Every year I am sick from June through September living under the threat that Yeshivos will not take my children back for the new school year. I am late with my mortgage every month. My utilities run two to three months behind. Eat out?! Are you nuts?! It’s hard enough to buy shoes for the kids. Truth is, the only part I can’t handle is the Yeshivos. Why is is the Torah institutions that have to make my life miserable? The exec. Directors look at me with looks that say sure, I know you really have the money!

  34. I am only a young father and have yet to raise a large family, but I do know this much: You need to start taking control and stop living on “auto-pilot”. What I means to say is that you need to know where and how your money is being spent!

    At the end of every month, I sit down together with my wife and we go through all our expenses. If you use credit cards for most of your purchases, as most do, then it’s quite simple: One of us reads the statement while the other writes down each expense in its proper catagory. For example, we write down all take-out expenses in one line, all auto expenses in another etc. etc.

    At the end, we add up all expenses of each catagory.
    We then compare to previous months and try to set goals where to cut back on if necessary.

    You’ll be amazed at how easy this becomes (the first couple of times might cause some anxiety if you’re not use to “counting” your expenses- but this is reality!). In fact, I can honsetly say that I look forward to this ‘cheshbon’ each month as it enables me to understand where our money is going instead of being on autopilot!

    This excersise will enable you to understand the reality of your expenses and you will realize together with your spouse where to cut out some non-essential costs (we all have them). Even a $5/day expense adds up to $120 for the month, or $1825 for the year!

    It is essential to pray to G-d, but maybe G-d is already answering “live with a cheshbon, be responsible and stop living on auto-pilot”.

    I hope this was helpful and doesn’t come across as judgemental, as I obviously do not know you personally and I am writing this with full sincerity. If you are already keeping cheshbon and being responsible, then this response will serve good for those who aren’t.

    Keeping you in my prayers,

    Mr. Yoshor

  35. What’s ammater moderator?… You afraid to publish real comments with real proposals…too much of a coward to deal with reality?

  36. Here in the 5 Towns a guy eg a lawyer with an “on the books ” income of 500K with 3to 4 kids in yeshiva + summer camp is struggling . AdaRaba a school teacher or computer programmer in Queens or Staten Island.

  37. We are all in the same boat, believe you me, there is no other option, you have to Daven, Daven, Daven, to the fellow who got upset by that answer, trust me on this one friend, your rich neighbor (or cousin) aint coming to the rescue. the only one that can help is G-D. he really is the lever that you pull in an emergency…

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