The New Shidduch Crisis: Tall Girls


shidduch-crisisDear Editor,

According to my research, there are numerous tall girls who have very minimal shidduch prospects, as there are an insufficient number of boys taller than them. Then you have shadchanim who irresponsibly suggest a short girl for a tall boy, thereby taking another tall boy off the market.

True, there are a small number of boys who don’t look at height and are willing to marry a girl an inch or two taller than them, but they are very few. 

Some have suggested that we convince boys to date girls taller than them, but it is hard to overcome the natural desire of a man to feel dominant in a marriage, and being the taller of the two contributes to that feeling.

However, it is clearly very important that we urge the shadchanim to make extra efforts on behalf of the tall girls, and, conversely, consider short girls only when dealing with a very short boy.

In this way, we may somewhat redress the imbalance that has crept into the shidduch world.

I plan to go around to roshei yeshiva and ask them to sign a kol korei on this matter as soon as I can get all the Bais Yaakovs in the United States to give me statistics on how many tall unmarried girls they have among their alumni.

Sincerely yours,

H. Moskowitz


  1. according to mesechta brochas 2 tall people and 2 short people should not marry each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. The premise that tall should marry tall is foolish and self-defeating. Harav Henkin ztl and Harav Moshe ztl married taller girls. A 6′ girl should NOT date a 6’2″ boy unless they want to propagate a family of giants with girls who will be impossible to marry off.

  3. Sweety:
    I just reviewed mesechta brochas in my admittedly limited mind, and did not come across the information you cited. Please give the precise location.

    BTW, I meant Bavli. You may be referring to the Yerushalmi.

  4. According to my research there are numerous unkept and untucked boys who have very minimal shidduch prospects as there is an insufficient number of girls that dress well that are willing to date those boys. Then you have shadchanim who irresponsibly suggest a well dressed girl for a well dressed boy, thereby taking another well dressed girl off the market.

    True, there are a small number of girls who don’t look at dress and are willing to marry a boy who wears white socks with dress pants, but they are very few.

    Some have suggested that we convince girls to date boys with less fashion sense than them, but it is hard to overcome the natural desire of a woman to feel that she is responsible for her husbands wardrobe, and since he is challenged in that area it contributes to that feeling.

    However, it is clearly very important that we urge the shadchanim to make extra efforts on behalf of the underfashioned boys, and, conversely, consider unkept girls only when dealing with a very unkept boy.

    In this way, we may somewhat redress the imbalance that has crept into the shidduch world.

    I plan to go around to roshei yeshiva and ask them to sign a kol korei on this matter as soon as I can get all the Bais Yaakovs in the United States to give me statistics on how many girls they have that wont date such boys.

  5. I hope so! Because as a single tall girl, I find this letter utterly . . . well, I’ll stay polite.

    I don’t need a shadchan improving on the Eibishter’s work. It is statements like this that erode at the bitachon of so many.

  6. This is definitely not a joke. I was in shidduchim for many years. I’m 5’7″ and most of the guys out there were around my height or shorter. It was pretty difficult to find one any taller. All of my tall friends experienced the same problem, and unfortunately a number of them are still looking. (BTW, my husband and I see eye to eye- literally.)

  7. why is it irresponsible for a tall guy to go out with a short girl? thats just rediculous! any guy can date whoever he wants reguardless of height… your stupid shadchanim ruls and shadchans have alot of issues. hashem yeracheim

  8. i think the real problem is that too many boys have a very short attention span which is a major conflict to many girls who dont suffer from this !

  9. We the jewish nation can be a short nation. Im 5’7 in some countries its considered medium hight. When I came to Israel I could see over peoples heads with i thought was convienent. Going back to chutz l’arez and I’m standing on my tippy toes again

  10. I think this is supposed to be funny. It’s not. Not at all. It’s insensitive. There’s no joke about being single. And to make a joke out of it is in poor taste!

  11. This isn’t just funny, it’s hilarious.

    Not so much the content as the fact that this is poking fun at the how everyone has been bowled over by the brilliance of age gap theory to the exclusion of ALL the other narishkiet issues to which people determine a shidduch.
    All this proves is that the shidduch crisis is REAL and has many components to it that MUST be addressed in order to resolve it. The KEY issue being that obviously the secular world has infiltrated, in that these Gashmiusdik issues are the driving factors in shidduchim and NOT good middos and actual compatibility.

  12. It is not Age-Gap or any other statistical nonsense that cause Shidduchim “Crisis”. It is really quite simple, without belief that Hashem is mezaveg zivugim NOT statistics there will be many more “Crisis” people face.

  13. I had an extremely tall teacher in high school (probably like 6 feet or something) and she said to us, “you think Hashem doesn’t know how tall He made me?”

    So there.

  14. Yo Eik,

    you know how tall I am? I’m tall. I’ve been told so by complete strangers.

    But I like my height, the Eibishter made me this height (as Me Again pointed out), and I’m not gonna hold a gun to bachelors’ heads to go out with me.

    I don’t want anyone looking at me as though I’m a problem needing to be solved.

  15. This is clearly a satire at the age gap concept and extremely insestive to all the single girls out there who are in immense pain. That being said.

    The difference between age gap and all other “disadvantages” is

    A)The sheer number of people affected by it- in the range of 10% having no shot to get married.

    B) it causes all the other problems to be exacerbated. So long as their are fewer girls in the dating pool, boys will always be able to insist on height, family, money etc. you name it. By evening out the numbers those issues will be greatly mitigated as well.

    Certainly shadchanim should redd shiddcuhim that make sense. However there is no reason not to look in the vast number of girls close to the boys age before suggesting girls far younger than the boy.

  16. You know what worries me about the shidduch crisis/age gap? We educate girls to believe that their major – almost only – purpose in life is to get married, have children, and have a husband in kollel. Then we make it impossible for many of them to get married.

    What can be going through a girl’s mind as she reaches thirty, with little chance of getting married and her time to have children fast running out? I wonder. The stigma of being unmarried is tremendous, as is the pain of not having one’s own children when most of one’s friends and relatives do.

    Could the next crisis in the frum world be older single girls going off the derech? Marrying non-frum boys, even non-Jews?

  17. I could not help but laugh. Firstly, the main problem with the shidduchim crisis isn’t tall or short it is the size 0 factor…Lets face it folks, this obsession with emaciated girls that look skeltal is a new mishigas.

    I blame the boy’s mothers. I have two sons and believe me i would never tolerate my boys thinking of girls as mere tokens of beauty. What about middos……..FOLKS we are lacking it big time. How about the guys worrying about saying thank you, please, excuse me…huh?

    The tall and short is only the tip of the ice berg. We live in a smorgsboard world….a little from this and a little from that…we are people not parts to a sum total.

    nough said.

  18. One of my husband’s favorite stories is:
    Rav Ahron Kotler zt”l was redding a shidduch to one of his talmidim and the talmid didn’t like the shidduch so he used the excuse that the girl was too tall for him. Just then Rebbetzin Kotler walked in serving a bowl of fruit, and she towered over her husband, the Rosh Yeshiva. Rav Ahron looked up at his wife and answered, “I never knew that was a chisaron!”
    Rav Ahron, the gaon olam was not bothered by a girl taller than him.

    Anyway, it’s getting sillier by the minute. We sound like the liberals who don’t trust destiny and think that gov’t control over health care and everything else will solve all our problems. You can’t legislate everything about shidduchim. You have to let Hashem take over.
    It’s the silliest thing to say that we are wasting the tall boys on short girls- I know a few couples where the girls are much shorter than the boys and they have terrific marriages. If marriage was only based on short and tall- then let’s use tape measures and bring them to shadchanim, and pick out a zivug like we are purchasing fabric at a fabric store- yard for yard. But we are discussing neshomos who are compatible, beyond anything physical.
    Hashem yishmor!

  19. Very unfortunately the answer to your questions are Yes. Speak to those who deal with the older singles and you will hear it directly.

  20. Granted the tongue-in-cheek nature of this piece, we should ensure girls are limiting grains in their diets and are receiving sufficient Vitamin D (via sun and meat), that they eat grass-fed/free-range meats to counteract the affects of vegetarianism/ Anorexia so they will be full, healthy heights with sound bone structures.

  21. A very clever parody.

    The real crisis is about money. Will the Roshie Hayeshiva sign a Kol Koreh instructing their Talmidim not to look (almost exclusively) for money in a Shidduch?

  22. seriously, this can be kept in mind but lets not get carried away. we can get carried away though with the learning gap cause thats a real issue.

  23. Agree with 26 and 27. How can anyone joke about this tragedy?
    As 27 said, girls are taught that they’re whole purpose in life is to get married and have children, and then are expected to have no problem when the right one doesn’t come along.

  24. are you joking !?!?!?!?
    basically, i don’t have to say much, abt how silly your proposal is, because everyone kinda hit it hard in your face, but i’ll tell you one thing.
    to say that short should marry short and tall should marry tall show how INCONSIDERATE YOU ARE!!! sweetie, if tall married tall, and short married short, then in several generation, there will be no average height!!!!!!
    nebach, a guy who is very short SHOULD marry a taller girl so they dont have tiny kids!!!!!!
    i think you should take back what you said. the problem lies that your highly inconsiderate and extremely unthoughtful!