The Shmuz on Life: The World of Peter Pan


peter-panBy Rabbi Ben Tzion Shafier

I won’t grow up, no I won’t grow up.

I will never wear a tie; no I’ll never wear a tie.

No, I won’t grow up, never grow up, never grow up.

Not I.

– Peter Pan

One of the results of  Hashem putting our holy neshamah into a corporeal body is that we are unable to see certain realities. We may be aware of them, but we can’t feel them. One of these is our mortality. We have great difficulty seeing ourselves dying. It’s not that we don’t want to think about death or that the thought makes us uncom­fortable. It’s much more basic-we just don’t intend to die. In our oper­ating mode of thought, it’s just not going to happen. Of course, we know that it will occur, but it doesn’t enter into our thinking. Intellectually we know it, but emotionally it remains in some far off place, and we certainly don’t live life as if it will ever end.

For example: As a rule, mature peo­ple are responsible. They put away money for retirement. They buy life insurance-just in case. They set up annuities for the grandchildren-who aren’t even born yet. Everything in life is all planned for. Everything is all arranged. Yet somehow, there is one small detail that gets over­looked: what happens after they die?

If dying were a serious possibility, wouldn’t you spend time thinking about it? You planned your career. You carefully picked a neighborhood for your family to live in. You were highly selective in choosing schools for your children. When you were sick, you didn’t say, “We’ll just see what hap­pens.” Every part of life was worked out-no stone was left unturned. It’s only this one little area you forgot to deal with: the purpose of life and what happens to me when it’s over.

The reason we don’t think about this is that we don’t see ourselves ever dy­ing. Of course, on one level we know it. After all, how many people do you know who shook hands with George Washington? How many people can say they met Abraham Lincoln? I may even be able to quote the an­nual death rate of people in my age bracket by region, but that remains in theory. In the emotional realm, in my real mode of functioning, it will never happen. And we just go on without a care in the world.


This blindness has a real cost. Before a person can think about living with a purpose, he must understand life. And until death becomes real to him, his life remains a never-ending Disney adventure-the world of Peter Pan, where the current situation will last forever, and nothing bad will ever happen. Most people spend their existence in this fantasy world. And much like Peter Pan, in their heart of hearts, each person feels, “I won’t grow old. Not I. I will always be young and healthy, and of course, I will never die.” And so, like children, they spend their time playing with things. Big toys, lit¬tle toys, trinkets and playthings, castles and moats, bridges and boats, medals of honor and badges of prestige, and of course money, money, and some more money. Oh, so luscious and green and crumply! Oh, how happy it makes me!

And while it’s true that in this dream world life is cheap and mean¬ingless, it sure is fun! Live it up! You only get one shot at this thing called life-you might as well enjoy it now. Let’s party! And the carnival goes on and on and on. Until, they get sick, or old, or infirm, or bored, and ev¬erything comes to a crashing halt. The party ends. And then the ques¬tions begin. Many questions. Real questions. Of course, in their fantasy lives, they were too busy to ask ques¬tions. But now, the questions appear. Questions on G-d. Questions on suf¬fering. Questions that need answers. Questions that have no answers because they are based on a world of make-believe that misconstrues the very reason behind existence.

Amazingly, up until that point, not only weren’t there questions, there wasn’t even the realization that the celebration would one day end.


This phenomenon isn’t simply a quirk in human behavior. It is critical to the master plan of Creation. If I could think about my death in a real manner, it would radically change my life. I would be forced to deal with those issues that I currently ignore: Why did Hashem create me? What is it that I am supposed to accomplish with my life? These questions would loom so large in front of me that I would have to seek out answers. Those answers would compel me to change.

I wouldn’t be able to live in the slumber that I do now. I could no longer spend my time on frivolous pursuits. My neshamah would scream out, “Do something! Accomplish! How can you waste your life like that?”

Even the body’s appetites and desires wouldn’t be able to pull me, as I would recognize that following them damages me. I would view temptations as I do any physical danger. Just as it’s obvious that no matter how thirsty I am, I wouldn’t drink bleach, so, too, no amount of passion could seduce me to do things that I recognize as self-destructive. And I would ignore the body’s foolish demands.

In short, I would live a focused, di¬rected existence, and I would func¬tion on a lofty level and achieve great things. But it wouldn’t be by choice. I would be forced into it. And that isn’t free will. To allow for practi-cal free will, both sides have to be equally viable. Living a life of purpose has to be as easy as losing one’s way. Thinking has to be as effortless as go¬ing to “sleep”-getting so caught up in the process of living that I never deal with the most basic of all issues.

Because of this, no matter how obvious it is to others, his end will be hidden from him. Whether he has an IQ of 180 or the intelligence of a gnat, it will be difficult for him to see his death. And that is the criti¬cal distinction: difficult but not im¬possible. Man isn’t forced to succeed, but success is within his reach. He can go either way. It is in his capacity to just float, never giving more than a passing thought to why he exists, or he can live with meaning and inten¬tion and craft a significant life.

This is an abridged chapter from the new Shmuz on Life book: Stop Surviving and Start Living, based on the first chapter of Mesillas Yesharim. This sefer as well as The Shmuz on the Parsha Book have haskamot from leading Gedolei Yisroel. Both can be obtained by contacting 866-613-TORAH or at

This segment has been previously published by InFashion. InFashion is a magazine that stresses halacha and hashkafa and is widely read. For more information contact Mr. Lib by email to

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  1. Normal things to do concerning Death while living:
    Get a living will.
    Find a cemetary plot for yourself and spouse/loved ones.
    Talk about death and dying in some conversations.
    Find healthy ways to live your life.

    Abnormal things concerning Death while living:
    Schvitzing about dieing.
    Refusing to plan for the eventuality.
    Unhealthy lifestyle that is outrageous.
    Ruminating about your own death incessantly and clearly prior to having a lifestyle limiting illness diagnosed.
    Worrying about disease incessantly prior to a real illness that limits your ability to be happy in your moments of life.