Video: What Truly Counts In Shidduchim



  1. I am forever grateful to my husband and in-laws for listening to my shidduch. I am just about 2 years older than my husband. Married almost 6 years, B”H!

  2. in ??? ???? Rav Chaim Kineivsky shlita is quoted as saying that his father, the Steipler gaon zatzal, believed the boy should be older than the girl.

  3. Any physics student knows that weight is very subjective. For example you weigh less on the moon or under water.
    Maybe NASI can make a takana that the girl has to be at least X*Y pounds greater than the boy, where X represents pounds and Y represents age differential. That way if you increase Y (age) the X factor (weight) can be decreased.

  4. Yes, good message, but imagine the flip side. Why does a girl want to marry a younger boy? Are the boys substantial enough and worthy of these girls? (Please note: I am most certainly not equating professional degree or education with worthy. I am all for learning.)

  5. The only problem with this video is – it’s not the boys you have to convince, it’s the mamas. Before the boy even has a chance to hear about it, the mother has to approve – knowing that if there’s an engagement she’ll have to hear from all her friends about why she would “settle” for a “second-rate” shidduch. You’ve got to figure out how to help the mothers stand up to social pressure from their friends and relatives before you’ve got a chance of changing anything.

  6. I would like to point out that for generations in all cultures and societies the boys has been older than the girl.

    I assume that the reason is that the it is easier for a girl to respect a guy who is older than herself.

    This is especially worth considering in a kollel society. Once girls finish school and start working they often feel they have a leg up on guys who are learning.

    I know someone who was 22 and dating a girl his age. After a few dates she told him that she likes but she thinks he is “wet behind the ears.”

    It is worth thinking this through a little more. Shadchanim don’t do marriage counseling, so they are not an authority.

  7. #3,

    In Peninei Rabbinu Havi Ezri It Says That Rav Shach was four years younger than his wife. In fact, he mentioned this when he advised someone to not let the age be a hindrance to a shidduch the person was happy with. He also mentioned that the Chofetz Chaim was younger than his wife.

    It is very well known that the Steipler considered Rav Schach Dass Torah. Although they may occasionally differ on certain issues.

    It is also well-known the high esteem Rav Chaim Shelita has for Rav Schach ZT”L

  8. I think people are totally missing the point. It’s not that girls WANT specifically younger guys, it’s that there aren’t many guys older than them so they need the younger guys to be willing to date them in order for them to have a chance. And older girls have a lot to offer over their younger counterpart. Besides, does one or two years really make a difference in the grand scheme of things?

  9. My son DAVKA wanted an “older” girl. B”H he got a wonderful girl, perfect for him in every way and so much more. Yes, she is 2-1/2 years older than him. And we thank Hashem every day for this beautiful shidduch. NOT all mothers of boys need convincing.

  10. Thank you to all the girls who educated me that age is far more then just a number. Hence the personal status that my name suggest!


  11. AB – Maybe you should listen to your Chaveirim in the video and internalize their message. If your post is any indicator, “all the girls” you speak of understood it loud and clear.

  12. i think that age does matter sometimes. Its easier for a man to marry someone younger, because he is the head of the house hold and he is responsible for making a family not the woman