Watch: Freezing Bochurim in Shidduchim – The Debate

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Some have argued that the lockdown of new bochurim in shidduchim is bad for the shidduch crisis.

They claim that when a boy starts dating, he’s more likely to go out with any girl on his list. But once the lockdown opens, and he sees all his options, he’l be more picky, and the “less privileged” girls will suffer.

There are several flaws in this argument, according to this presentation of JNC, sponsored by Matzav.com.

WATCH:


{Matzav.com}

14 COMMENTS

  1. I say get a big walk-in-freezer, freeze all the boychicks for six months, then thaw them out, and throw them straight into the frying pan. That way they will never have a chance to get picky.

  2. The first two drashas that this mystery man gave, were pretty good. This drasha was way too tedious. Mr. Phantom seemed a bit confused himself. At the end of the speech, one is left scratching their head wondering, huh, what did he just say? I am more confused than before. Also, too much hand movements. Stay calm.
    Nuch ah zach. The lighting of the video was too bright. His tie looked as bright as an eel. Skin color, to fake. I see he did take my advice though and cut the viewers screen so you dont see the closet door that was on the left, or the line of wall shelves that was on the right of the screen. My favorite changing table is still there and i like it that way.
    I’m starting to get a sneaking suspicion that this mystery drasha man is one of the guys that run Matzav. Just a hunch.
    Yes, I clearly have too much time on my hands and should probably get a life. Nu nu, efsher one day.

  3. Argument goes way further.

    Show me one girl out there that would date a guy out of pity, and especially a girl and her parents who feel she is in demand for any reason.

    Girls wont settle settle , nor should they.

    So why should the boys?

  4. The whole argument is nonsense! If we abolish the freezer boys will just have that list before they go into the freezer! So all you doing is giving the boy a list earlier! If anything by having the freezer, the boy will only get one or two names mentioned to him before going into the freezer…no list!

    Secondly, is the suggestion that but not having options hopefully the boy will marry somebody that’s not for him?! How does that’s love anything?!

  5. Freezing boys is terrible for the shidduch crisis but nothing to do with pickiness of boys necessarily. Once you have the fundamental understanding of why there is a crisis mathematically you will easily understand that putting the boys into the mix 6 moths later has devastating ramifications. The more age is put between the males and females the bigger the problem.

    • What happened to the Inyan that says in gemarah that a person should marry before age 20? That it dabbed them from sin?
      Also why should parents of a girl have to pay so much money so that her son-in-law should learn if he’s a learner then he will learn with money or without. The daughter of a torah learner does not have tons of money to give to the boy but she has tons of character and tons of understanding what a torah lifestyle means. And is ready to give the boy what he needs to be able to stay a ben torah. And that does not mean he will not have to go make parnassah. Why expect so much money rather the parents that expect the money for their son is if you ask me it is he is not ready for marriage he does not know what marriage is about. Hashem made the world that the man should work and the woman should take care of the babies till they have the babies and it’s possible for them to manage on her salary ???very nice …if the parents can help a little bit a few hundred dollars a month , fantastic….but to ask for a $2,000 a month is down right a disscusting thing to do and just shows that the parents and the boy have no respect for the woman just they for themselves they think they are the best and don’t deserve to get the best” on “!! That’s why the best girls from the most torahdig homes are having such a hard time. And boys also, lower your standards.! To become a rav shteinerman. ..you gotta eat ” bread and salt, and measure your water. Not eat the heart out of your future inlaws!!!

  6. 1- what happened with the marrying before 20 years old as is written in the gemarah (I think) to protect from sin ?
    2-why should parents ask for so much money for their son just because he’s a good learner? Only a ben torahs daughter will appreciate Torah. someone that expects so much money is not a real ben torah. A real Ben torah doesn’t need much. Eats bread and salt and measures his water. …ex….ok nor exactly but you get picture. Only like that can be really be koneh torah. Not by expecting $2000 month from the parents. when we got married no one supported us Hashem made the world that parents should learn as long as possible and then the man goes out to work if he wants to just sit and warm the benches and sit and cuddle and learn in kollel forever and expect the woman to do everything then he does not deserve anything. Hes an achzar . the woman belongs home with the kids and the man balongs bringing parnassah. That’s how Hashem made the world. I am coming as a shadchan and a parent that Married off Children b”H. the crisis is terrible many boys are getting older and older age 26 27 girls girls are getting older and older the boy still say stay sitting and learning the girls are still working and nothing works because the older the boy gets the crazier they get it is very hard because the parents expect and think that their son deserves to sit on couches and eat meat and steak every second day and who has to give that the parents of the girl doesn’t even make a difference what the girl makes. Parents these days struggle to support themselves. Why should they also have to kill them selves for their “son in law???Hashem wants us to go according to the way He made the world. Hashem made that men should work and women should have the babies that’s the way its supposed to be till the moshiach will come. because that’s the innate nature of the man and the innate nature of the woman.the men can make parnassah while teaching while staying in the torah field but they say that he want to sit in kollel and learn forever is an absolute disgusting thing if I may say so, from the regular people. I’m not talking about the children of rabbonim that is different also yes it is true that the boy that boys expect too much is not a mentch. I would be scared to marry someone like that. and they don’t realize that the best part of a woman is her character and that’s what has to match not only the money. when I speak to parents and they tell me how much money can they support ??…I know this woman is crazy and this boy is going to expect his woman his wife to be his maid his servant and everything else…plus bringing in the parnassah…. just because he is sitting and learning usually real b’nai Torah learn for the rest of their life like rabbi shteinerman, rav chaim kanievky….ect…they didnt go that way…..and today these boys are not like the gedolim….maybe just a few. But not as many boys that are out there making believe that they are….they should get married and be”H alone make progress together …. and that is a mensch and every person wants to marry a mensch and there is no reason for boys to wait till they’re older because they think theyll be getting younger girls the girls also have to get married there is no right for people to sit and wait in the freezer because they’re just waiting & waiting for what??and in the Torah it says to marry before the 20 that’s a bracha . what is the inyan of waiting until age 23 or till 24? cause he’s not ready ? unless the boy is very immature which is not the norm.

  7. The lockdown is put in place for a reason, and they have a right to do that.
    I also think there is an Inyan of BASHERT. so what with all the machinations?

    if it is meant to happen, it will happen. never mind how many girls are on the list.
    if a girl has to wait 6 months, believe me in the long run she will be just fine!

  8. Know the truth. The Age-Gap is THE problem. By the time four boys become age 23, five girls become age 19 . The system of boys not listening to Shidduchim till age 23 is the only problem. The system keeps feeding 20% more girls than boys onto Shidduch Island, year after year, after year. Me`Horsayhem U`Mechorvayem Ma`Hem Yaitzu Rachmona Litzlon. Stop the the deafening silence till age 23.
    Lman Bnos Yisroel
    Y.L.

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