Why I Am No Longer Frum


yarmulkaDear Editor and readers,

Several years ago, I moved to Brooklyn from an out of town community for the purpose of shidduchim. As a successful professional, I was wooed by several minyanim who for obvious reasons would want me as a member. After trying the various shuls, I became a member in the one I was most comfortable with: a choshuve  baalebatishe shul with several hundred members.

In good times, I contributed generously to the shul. But the economy soured and so did my practice. Subsequently, I came down with an illness which precludes me from coming to shul.

It’s been three months now. No one called to find out how I am or why I don’t come to shul. In my opinion, the silence speaks volumes and I have lost my faith. I no longer wish to be frum.

Mr. Shana U. Piraish

P.S. This is real, not a Purim parody.

{Matzav.com Newscenter}


  1. First of all I hope your condition becomes better and at least no worse.
    I cannot explain why no one from your Shul seems to care and that is sad. However even though community and interpersonal relationships are important your faith is in G-D not people. G-D is taking care of you right now and is offering you an opportunity for profound personal growth-to realize it is not other people you need to rely on or have expectation but on G-D.
    May G-D bless you abundantly and give you the ability to see beyond this bump in the road.

  2. My heart bleeds for you Mr Piraish. There is no justification for the way you were ‘cold-shouldered’ when you needed your friends rather than the reverse. However, I feel that by blaming your decision in choosing your lifestyle on this behavior, you are simply ‘making excuses’ to calm your conscience. Just as every alcoholic will give you a list of people, Kehillos, Mosdos or incidents upon which they blame their addiction, it appears that you too are adopting this form of defense mechanism. At the end of the day, we all have our bechira, which Hashem will test in a variety of forms and intensity, and it is ultimately our free choice that will determine how we fare. I sincerely hope that you will once again ‘wish to be frum’ – the door is always open for Teshuva – but whatever you choose, please don’t blame others for your decision.

  3. I’m sorry to hear that. But is it possible that maybe you chose the wrong Kehila to be a part of? I personally am not a very successful professional who donates a lot of money to my shul, but if I’m not there for even 2 weeks I get a few texts.

    I don’t think this is reason to throw in the towel. Try looking for another shul with more caring individuals.

    Also I wouldn’t judge the religion by the people. There are good experiences and bad ones. Your level of frumness has to be determined by you and no one else.

  4. These feelings might be related to depression. Being isolated and not feeling well would definitely affect your emotional health. Unfortunately, people associate their relationship with Hashem…

  5. In the Mir Yerushalem, when a chutz lu’uretz Bochur was niftar R”L, many did not know him after a few weeks in the Mir. The Rosh Yeshiva, Reb Noson Tzve Finkel got up immediatly to give a shmus “a bochur in the Mir (has over 6000 talmidim) and you don’t know him? Unacceptable!!!

    We need a Mir yeshiva in America

  6. Its clear that Mr Piraish feels very hurt and of course seemingly lonely, and without knowing all the facts its hard to draw any conclusion, but it is a powerful wake up call how we should care more for our fellow Jew. But my humble advise to Mr Piraish would be that while your hurt may be real why would you walk away (so to speak)from the best thing there is – the RSO. He is with you 24/7 and especially now when you feel the way you do, your tefilos could have such an affect on how things will pan out for you going forward. This is a make it or break it decision for you, my advice is stay close to H-shem and you will see only good come from this. Refuah Shelaimo and much hatzlocho.

  7. I had a similar situation yeasrs ago. I was a member of a Daf Yomi shiur for several years. The members of the shiur were all aware that I would be out for several weeks due to surgery. Only one member of the shiur had the courtesy of contacting me to see how I was doing. Not even the Magid shiur could be botherd to call. It realy hurt. This should be a wake up call to ALL of us.

  8. This story goes to show today’s mindset (although this whole story sounds like nonsense), that whatever one does, it’s always someone else’s fault. Could anyone explain what an adult that supposedly was frum up to this point, as well as was succesfull, will suddenly give up on toire and mitzvos because nobody came to visit him. Just like every boy that goes off the derech, will try to remember which rebbe looked at him wrong, which probably means that he wanted to molest him, and now it’s the whole worlds fault why he is a low life and loves living a debased life. Unfortunately, azoi vee es goyisht zech azoi yidisht zech, and this nonsense has to stop, because these lowlife a need to realize that the burden is on them and they are not baalei avaira because they were molested 20 years ago.

  9. it’s like someone who’s not treated well in the grocery store so he decides not to eat. Exactly that! – –

    Jusaism is not a community lifestyle. It’s the truth.

  10. I can understand your feelings about your shul. But this is no reason to leave frumkiet Change ships fined a better group to associate with

  11. My husband davened in the same shul–and was active, too–and no one, including the rav, visited him in the three years he was in a nursing home. But others did very regularly. It never occured to him, altho he was disapointed, to stop being frum! There’s much more to this story. A person cannot blame others for his own behaviour. We do have bechira.

  12. Hey

    I’m sorry if I don’t come off polite but what you have writtten here is quite frankly pathetic. I’m not sure when you and the rest of the world who had or has $$ will realize that most people around you only have what to do with you because of your $$ you probably have no real friends and you tried getting friends with your $$ sorry that didn’t work out for you. Wwhile I’m sure some people have noticed that you are gone from shul they tend to forget and eventually will follow up and find out how you are.

    On a second note I never understood people that”want to commit suicide and call the police or a frined to tell them they are about to” if you want to commit suicide or go off the derech we don’t care don’t do it but definetly don’t go on a website to find out how others feel or think of your idea. Bottom line is you aren’t going off the derech and you just need attention.

    As of now I’m post#5 to your comment see you already have 5 people that care about you

    Happy now?

  13. #3 is rite and so is #2

    what does being frum have to do with anyone caring, i understand the pain i am really sorry i wish the ppl of that shul would care (as the story is written that they dont) May you have a refuah shelama

  14. pathetic – your life is the product of your own choices – don’t blame anyone else for the choices you make – after the holocaust nobody was showing the refugees too much love but they picked themselves up by their bootstraps and lived their own life – you need a psychologist to deal with your not feeling loved but you have no grounds to deligitemize judaism and its practices because of some oisvorfs

  15. First of all, refuah shlaima. May Hashem answer every one of your tefillos very soon.
    Secondly, it does appear that, having come from an out of town community, you may miss that community sense. There are other communities near Bklyn that are known for that, it may be that Bklyn is not the right fit for you. Hatzlocha vebrocha.

  16. Refuah Shlaima. Does the frum part have to do with shidduchim as well? We all go through travails and wonder why it’s hard to get a shidduch and why someone doesn’t reach out more. The system needs more caring people like you. Please stay frum and be a good role model for others.
    PS If you’d like to see warmth in a great community please come visit the Lower East Side.

  17. This case is not understandable or not believable to a New Yorker (or big city dweller) – but totally understandable to someone from “out of town”.
    There are different ideas & ideals in different places.

  18. First, May HaShem Bless you with a refua schleima.
    I am a baal teshuvah and have heard a similar story to yours. As well I have a similar experience as to this lack of caring from the frum community. Yes the Shul wants my donations but a simple phone call to see how I am given my very long absence away speaks volumes. When there is no heart there is nothing. However, I still remain observant.
    I agree with MIESQ above

  19. Even in our circles, its common that a shul with ‘several hundred members’ is not going to be so personal. One really needs to be proactive in such a shul. Try a smaller minyan…you’ll see the difference!

  20. he said “…WISH to be frum” b”h he never said he is not frum. we all must be carefull to allways show care & concern to all our brothers!

  21. Well, you’ll be getting attention here.
    I’m not sure what your story is but people will be able to learn from your experience. One big lesson: make sure you have a kesher with an ongoing kesher with a rebbe/rav/mentor. Did you have one before you made the move? If you did, such a person would have been able to help you with the transition, make calls to contacts in Brooklyn, and give you some chizuk through this difficult time so you wouldn’t be throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

    As a professional, I’m sure you have a lot of kochos – smarts, consistency, etc. – to have got where you are, and I hope you get in touch with them again when these yemei hasinah pass.

  22. If you are relying on people, good luck!…..its not about people its about the only one above watching you every step.
    Dont fall into that bottomless trap of thinking that you might find people that really care. Just keep on having faith and listen to the Torah and that will be the light to carry you on, not a bunch of people in shul.
    Good Luck!

  23. If your faith has always been strong, this is no reason to give it up. Obviously you have issues with your faith in general. Don’t blame it on other people , although it might make you feel better

  24. Is your name & phone number listed on the shuls member list ? Have you ever called someone in the shul that you haven’t seen for a while ?
    I wish you a refuah Shelaime and a Freilichen Purim .

  25. While I fully understand how you feel, you must recognize that this is unintentional. If people in the shule where you were davening knew you were sick, I’m sure you would have had some phone calls. Also, don’t forget that N.Y.C. is fast pace and yes, people do need to improve in their bein adam lachaveiro. As such, although I do understand your feelings, you must put things in perspective.

    I commend you for wanting to be frum and I urge you to continue the good you have started. Don’t forget that the yeitzer hara will no doubt find many reasons why you should not continue the good you have started.

  26. Maybe it’s a nisayon in Dan L’Kaf Zechus: sometimes people want to inquire but decide not to because they don’t want to intrude on privacy. Perhaps you should reach out to someone in the shul.

  27. I fully understand your hurtful feelings but you became frei because they didnt call you to see how youre doing ?? obviously your commitment to yiddishkeit was questionable much before that. if you really cared so much and understand that being a torah jew is the true way, you would have still stayed frum.
    Please speak to your Rabbi or someone that can guide you to explain the things that are on your mind
    I wish you tons of hatzlocha

  28. Excuses, excuses. Kol Yisrael areivim zeh l’zeh. Gemilut chassadim is one of those mitzvahs with no limit, and his fellow daveners should be looking out for him and for each other. This is the sad fact of Brooklyn – there are so many yidden that each one alone is “expendable.” People are so wrapped up in their own concerns that they forget anyone outside their family.

    The problem is particularly difficult for baalei teshuvah. People who became frum used to move to New York to be “where it’s at,” and some of them ended up not frum again because of the isolation. Now the word is out, and many people are moving to out-of-town Torah centers. Unfortunately, there are still people who move to Brooklyn and enud up like the writer. Brooklyn needs a “love your neighbor” movement, not another anti-internet rally.

  29. I think that the above comments missed a few things. The author moved to Brooklyn several years ago, before the economy tanked. I would guess 5-7 years ago. In that time, while being active in a real shul (basement minyanim don’t have hundreds of members) he gave a lot of money to them. He thought he was relationship building. He thought that someone would care for him for who he is. He thought that his relationship with others would help his shidduchim. None of that was true. They wanted him when he had money; he was a somebody when he gave money. But now he is ignored when he does not have money. No calls for shidduchim, no calls for Shabbat meals, and not even a simple ‘hello’. So apparently these “frum” people in his neighborhood care more about money than anything else. Why would anyone want to be like those hypocrites?

  30. What a cop-out! You were just waiting for and finally found an excuse -no matter how weak – on which to justify your need for veiled short term “freedom” from religion.
    I hope you will wake up before you fully realize your personal terror.

  31. to 3, on the chance that this is real how can u write such an insesitive thing, do u know someone elses feelings?
    to the writer, let us assume that this is a problem, even in the jewish community as awhole, dont u think its just as bad by the non-religios if not worse. do u really think that by being frei youll have friends that really care about u. u must admit that however bad the problem may be its for sure better than by the secular and c”s lihavdil by the goyim. do u find tomchei shabboss there or bikur cholim or hatzalah or missaskim or ect. and even in interpersonal realathonships at least we have the heilige torah stearing us in the direction, andu surley dont find the badmouthing, selfishenness, cometion by torah yidden as is the norm by the secular world.
    please contact a rav and disscus this before making any firm desicion.
    may we be zoche together will all acheinu beus yisroel to the geulah shlaimah bikorov.

  32. “Shana U Piraish”? Seems like a Purim Parody to me.

    (For those unaware, shana u’piraish refers to an Apikores who has left yiddishkeit.)

  33. If the people in shul misbehave it has nothing to do with your faith in Hashem. The people may be wrong, but Yiddishkeit is always right.

  34. I’m sorry but that’s ubsrd..
    if you don’t teach out to people and make friends who do you expect to reach out to you the rabbi? he said yourself they have a few 100 members!

  35. People have remained frum through much worse conditions. Many went through the fires of the holocaust and clung to their faith.
    Refuah shleima and a freilichen purim.

  36. Well, if you believe in hashem then you relize that you have to do his will whether or not other’s act properly. Sorry your lame excuse will not save you from judgement.

  37. I am very sorry to hear this sad news.
    1st of all, I’d like to wish you a refuah sheleyma. I hope that you have a speedy and full recovery.
    I’d also like to apologize on behalf of all those who are too preoccupied with their own world to notice and act when one of their own are suffering.
    I also hope that you are able to heal, not just from the physical, but from this emotional pain as well.

    I wish you all the best. All that is left to say is something that gets me through such tough times.
    “Please don’t judge Frum Judaism by the Frum Jews”
    Lose your faith in the members of this shul all you want, but don’t let this affect your faith in Hashem or his Torah.

    Good Shabbos and Happy Purim

  38. #3 and #4 you just don’t understand. A person needs to feel as if they belong, as if they are needed. The pain from being ignored, especially when someone is alone, and ill, is very deep. This gentleman feels that all he was worth was the money he contributed. Now that he no longer can, he is worthless. That is very painful.
    I hope the writer will have a complete yeshua this Purim!

  39. The way other Yidden act should have no bearing on our frumkeit…even though I find myself saying mi k’amcha yisroel many times every single week, you do not have to love every member (or even most of) Hashem’s fan club in order to follow His Torah.

  40. It is sad that the image used to indicate “not frum” is someone wearing a kipah seruga.

    It speaks volumes about this website. Is it the editor’s experience that someone says they have lost their faith and are no longer frum due to illness and feelings of isolation but really they mean they took off their black hat and became modern orthodox?

  41. i know how you feel as i have dealt with a similar struggle. I know we are human and its a struggle to understand why we have to go through so much suffering. The insult on top of it is the people your though would care- are plain ignorant or busy with their own lives.

    Its hard for me to go to shul. For several months last year no one even called. One person did show up to see how i was. The main people in the shul only knew me when i gave money for the yomim tovim.

    Today i am slightly better but i dont go to shul as there is rarely a handicap spot to park and if there is one- people use it illegally. some shuls throw it out as they dont care or think its a waste of space. And if you complain about the issue and get in their way- you will be asked not to show up as you the victim are the criminal- by asking people to be a mentch.

    People are ignorant of what is happening by others. They are so busy to think of others. its a shame. its their excuse.

    On shabbos i try to walk to the shul around the corner for shachris if i am upto it. Its not great for my kids but what can i do. No one even suggests to have my kids go with them other times. Some people are insensitive and claim i am not sick as at times i could look perfect and the next second i need to lay down wherever i may be.

    Yes i have one dear neighbor who comes over every Friday night to say good shabbos and Vayehculu.

    At the same-time the only thing that is going to keep you sane is believing there is a true G-D and as long as you are doing your part – he will take care of you. I know its a struggle to believe as i am there with you-struggling every day.

    Please dont blame this on others (although you have great reasons)- as it will only depress you and not help you. Its up to you and you are in control of your feelings. Its your thinking that will determine your experience how you feel.. This is a test and Hashem is seeing how you will pull through. Again i know its not easy- but its possible -from my own experience. But Hashem send tests to the ones he knows can pull through. You are a special person and I hope you will have a refuah shelaima quickly and believe that there is a father in heaven that loves you. He really cares for you. He is the only one who can turn around your situation in one slight moment.

    If at all say some tehillim. pick 1-2 specific paragraphs your find dear to you and says it once a day. It has helped me..

  42. Hi, Refuah Shlaymah! I hope you are feeling better and getting well. Where did you move from? First of all, you must know that in many shul’s in NY area (don’t mean to speak LH on NY) it’s a prevalent thing. People in the eastcoast are very busy, to say the least. They are running around from one place to another and there is no time to catch up. B”H family sizes are large and their are so many things that everyone is involved in. Including Chessed. Very often in shul, people come to daven and unless there is a certain relationship that’s solidified in someway, the hello how are you? Is just that. My husband has been davening in a shul for over 5 years and every so often he still gets a comment, ” are you new here?” We can relate to you because we lived in an out of town community for many years. Although, we are from the NY area. It’s very different out of town. People go to sleep at a certain time..there is much more family time and we experienced a very warm environment that is very different from being in town. Because your orientation is such, don’t take it personally. I can assure you no one means to hurt you in anyway, although they have. People, if they knew that you weren’t OK, would for sure call. NYorkers have a reputation of being cold, short…etc. but they are the nicest, kindest, people. They genuinely care, give them a chance. Call your Rav and speak to him about how you feel. It’s OK to feel bad about it. But, remember you have something to now give to others. You know what to do when you notice someone else missing from shul. Perhaps you could head the committee. We are all people, trying to move forward. Teach people what the right thing to do is! Yiddishkeit is the only way to go. There is nothing better than having a relationship with the Ribono Shel Olam. Good luck on overcoming this challenge.

  43. Mr. Shana U. Piraish,

    Gemara in Brachas (6b) states: “One who goes to shul every day, then misses (due to illness etc) the Holy Shchinah itself comes to visit him.”
    You don’t need anyone else!

  44. You make it sound like the non frum community did come to visit you witch is why you are no longer frum. If this is not true can you please give someone your address or your phone number so we can call you or give you a visit to do the mitzva of bikur cholim and to proof that we as the frum community care very much about another fellow Jew.

  45. don’t blame the forest of good Jews for the few indifferent trees. if i may ask a personal question in your old town was it different? have you ever thought that perhaps a “balabatishe” shul with a few hundred members is by definition a less personal place?how does 1 shul impact your relationship with G-D? If you expect G-D to forgive you for all the thing that you know (inside) you do,don’t you think you should forgive them as well and are we truly accusing them of,apathy? its not like they made a conscious decision to not call.”Cast your bread upon the water and it will return” i agree that a gross injustice has been done to you but why are you letting these people take up space in your head?

  46. When I was 12 I considered giving up Yiddishkeit too, because I didn’t like the dessert my mother served me.
    Then I got another dessert, & everything was fine again.
    This is a Purim story.

  47. people werent nice to u,so now u believe we come from apes????????do u believe in hkbh or not ?so u fell in with some people who r @ worse nasty selfish or at best not nosy new yorkers what does that have to do with your emunah????i fell and scraped my knee baaaa now imnot frum………..get the drift…btw matzav why on earth did u print this

  48. I do care! I’m sorry you feel this way and I’m sorry that “our” people let you down. You are always one of hs! And although I don’t even know who you are or why this happened, certainly you could allow for an apology. Certainly you’ve had to apologize during your life. Id like to apologize. Please accept it and come to my Purim seuda. Let’s make amends.

  49. Is your Idishkait based on other people or is it based on your relationship with H? Believe me, I went through a worse crisis when I discovered that not a single yeshiva that I applied for my then 3 year old would take him in without some kind of a pull; their reason being not a lack of space or money, nor any fear of bad influence, but rather snobism and artificial reputation ratings manipulation. So why should I loose my emunah because of the lack of emunah of others?! I have since moved to a nice out of town community; life doesn’t revolve around the establishment centers. You too, get married, and move out to a place where you’ll be appreciated.

  50. “I was most comfortable with: a choshuve baalebatishe shul with several hundred members.”

    I had the same experience, in which only one friend bothered to ask why I was not in shul for 2 weeks, and he only asked when he saw me at a simcha.

    The issue was simple – and it happened to me once before years ago when I missed shacharis for a few days – everyone thinks you are there in a large shul. There are so many people that everyone assumes everyone else is present, or has changed shuls/is on vacation unless someone makes an announcement. Brooklyn is not the friendliest place in the world (I had my experiences way out of town), and it has so many shuls that people just figure you’ve moved on.

    Do you have close friends in your shul? I certainly did, and what confused them is that my condition only prevented me from climbing stairs and walking, so they saw me around during the week, and I kept my relatively minor problem to myself as I expected it to pass in a matter of days but it was complicated by medication resistance. If you don’t really know anyone and keep to yourself in a Brooklyn shul, no one will know you are there.

  51. #3, What is the point of yiddishkeit, if not for chessed.

    #4, True. Brooklyn and a few other crowded neighborhoods are very easy to get lost in the anonymity. It would not happen in a suburban or out of town shul.

  52. It’s not hard to imagine at all. If that was his main socializing connections and doesn’t have a lot of other people who he’s friendly with, than its very understandable. I live out of Brooklyn and if not of the Rav and other people that daven in the shul asking me how I’m doing or where have you been lately when they haven’t seen me in a couple of days or a week then I would also not be frum! Yes that’s right not be frum. there are not a lot of things that keep me going and having a shul that has a rav and members that care is very important! That’s Brooklyn for you!!! And I think that’s its very important that people like me and him find the right shul with the right type of Rav, and there are a lot of them out there, but there are also a lot of not the right type of Shuls out there. So you’ve got to be very carefull!

  53. Assuming that the people in your shul are evil; why leave Hashem?-leave your shul! Being frum is not a club; it’s a commitment to G-d. You are sure to find good company with people who keep ‘veahavta leraiacha camocha’. If you have a difficult time, ask your Father for help. He won’t abandon you!

  54. Unfortunately, many misspallem in shuls are errant in this respect – noticing if other members no longer frequent their shul and why not, etc. This is wrong and every individual should be more attune to other people.

    Two comments though. Why is a picture of a man wearing a small yarmulke followed by a headline pertaining to not being frum?

    Secondly, the writer states “I no longer wish to be frum” not that he is no longer frum.
    Let’s try to better what needs to be improved but not by creating false “Hollywood” statements.

  55. To no 27: you sound like one of the oisvorfs that didnt try to find out how the person is feeling, or even better if he’s still alive

  56. Wow! The amount of comments posted so fast shows this is a real hotspot. Thank you to all those commentators whose responses showed true ahavas yisroel and restored mine and hopefully Mr. Piraish’s faith in humanity. And to the judgmental, critical comments I can only say May you grow up to develop the ahavas yisroel that truly defines our people though it seems to be lacking in some.
    And to OP himself, whether this is a true post or not, it’s definitely happened,and to you I say I wish I knew who you are so I can show you how much I care about your devastation, but until then you will have to make do with knowing that, from the place where all of us Yidden are connected through inseverable bonds, I love you!

  57. exuse me! i am a very gentle person,however you are fake. that is no excuse you had desires so you found something to use as an excuse. think of other people did you ever call anyone when he was sick? did you invite any newcomers to you? if yes great but not everyone is that personality. your blaming them is ludicrous because your job is to serve Hashem not these people…now yes what they did is wrog but please do some introspection of what really made you go off the derech

  58. The story reminds me of someone who came to NY for shabbes,had no where to eat,davend in a local shul,everyone said sholem aleichem,nobody bothered to ask if he has anywhere to eat…..Iam sorry to say but a lot of people are kalt overthere……

  59. Winning against an anvil that brings hope is not easy. The frum community does not understand the laws of modernity and thus the “condpiracies” to break from its wall of regulation will always be a tower it can not handle. But wait there is hope. G-d is in control.

  60. Welcome to Brooklyn! Out of town Yidden care about things like this. Brooklyn is too big. Move back out of town and you’ll feel at home and will return to yiddeshkeit.

  61. Reading these comments leads me to the following conclusion:

    Frum communities take all the credit when someone becomes frum or a frum person is successful but shift the blame to the individual person when someone leaves. Nice.

  62. Now I understand the meaning of the verse in Thillim (in l’dovid Hashem): “Your father and mother may forsake you, but G-d will gather you in (He won’t.)”
    All you friends may turn away from you, but Hashem is the only true “One” that you will always have, because He really loves you.
    So here is your rare chance to show G-d that you truly love Him, no matter what happens.

  63. Hashem is your only friend. So what better of a friend can you want? Do you need silly people to fake a smile to you. “Yesah Hashem panov ailechah” – Hashem should smile opon you. That’s all you should care about. like David said “when all the people turned against me I still have G-d who I’m with.

  64. It reminds me of when some guy told me: “I’m not frum because my rebbe in yeshivah hit me.” Q: What does one got to do with to other? A: Nothing! All excuses. I think you need to do some sole searching and arrive at the truth. The reason is not this.

  65. So I suspect now that this individual is not frum, in about a day, a goy or a non frum person will treat him badly, then he will become frum again. Problem solved!!!
    Happy Purim!

  66. Refuah Shlaymah!

    It’s mind boggling how insensitive people can be in some of the responses, here.

    There are two sides of the Luchos, one represneting Bain Adam L’makom and one representing Bain Adam L’chaveiro. Yes ultimately we have to care about Hashem, but how do so many of you avoid, bain Adam L’chaveiro. Derech eretz kadmah l’torah.

    #48)Yes, it’s a free country and you can say anything you want. But we have to watch what we say. They’re testing your faith, would have been enough. By saying you failed what are you trying to accomplish and how do you know? Are you G-d’s secretary?

    #87) We have clear responsibilities to other people and you know all the areas that dominate that in halacha? Moving out of town is a great experience, perhaps that’s what you need to do, so you can learn what he might be talking about.

    #88) I feel bad that you had serious problems with frumkeit, but you haven’t learned what you need to yet, if you can say you have no sympathy. If you have none, then you’d be better off not responding and being quiet, until you yourself can reach a place of giving again and sharing the difficulties that you had with someone else that may be or had been in a similar place.

    My guess is that he might be a BaalTeshuvah, and coming to the NY, Brooklyn area is very overwhelming to say the least, in addition to having no family around, when everyone else has brother’s, sisters, nieces, nephews, it’s not a matter of who experienced anything worse than he did, it’s a matter of hearing that he’s hurt and not well. Anyone in a matzav of not being well, is at a place of vulnerability and being challenged in the area of not feeling loved by Hashem. Any challenge brings that up initially, but then we have to remember all those things we learn…Hashem challenges those who can handle it, whom are special…but the community and other people, often get all of us through such challenges and help us feel accepted, cared for and give us that strength to move on, and again go forward. No one can discount the feeling of being a part of a community.

    If we as a Klal can’t comment in a supportive positive way. Then what’s the point of commenting.

    I wrote #60 earlier

  67. #87) I owe you an apology. I read yours wrong. You in my opinion have the right idea. But I think more people should move out of town to understand the experience and what they don’t even know they don’t have.

    I read your “out of town yidden care about this as a question?”


    Have a Freilichin Purim eveyone.

  68. I am glad you found your way out of observant Judaism though I wish it was under better circumstances. Finding a caring community is never easy but looking for it frum Brooklyn is even harder. If you are still looking for a frum community that would care for you as a person, you may want to look in suburban NJ or CT.

  69. A Tzibur has the Koach to bring Mashiach whether
    it’s a Minyan of ten or a Minyan of 100. The whole
    K’lal can benefit from the action of one single
    Minyan. Unfortunately, it looks like the Minyan of
    that “Choleh” blew the opportunity. I once wrote
    a fictional short story about a Minyan that simply
    ignored a stranger who showed up for Minchah one day. One Yid followed the stranger as he was about
    to leave. It turns out the stranger was Mashiach
    and he said to the Yid following him “You failed
    this test so I am not redeeming Klal Yirael yet”.

  70. For those who read my comment of yesterday I’m
    sorry for the one line of text that was out of
    alignment(I don’t know why)and the next to last word should have been “Yisrael” not “Yirael.
    Anyway, the story refers to a small Minyan of
    about 10 or 12 people who Daven together on a
    regular basis and surely should have come over
    to say hello to the stranger. A Minyan of let’s
    say 100 people can’t really be expected even to
    notice a stranger in its midst. I don’t feel I
    should comment on the Choleh becoming not Frum.