[COMMUNICATED]
Rabbanim around the world such as Rav Elya Brudny, Rav Moshe Tuvia Lieff, Rav Yisroel Reisman, Rav Shmuel Kamenetsky, and Rav Chaim Kanievsky have put their stamp of approval on The Simcha Initiative, a project aimed at setting a new precedent for more affordable simchas in Jewish community. A call to action published by the Initiative this week made the following appeal: (click here to sign up)
“Stress?
Pressure? … Why?
Our children’s and grandchildren’s weddings should be the greatest days in their lives – and ours. So why have we allowed these celebrations to become more and more expensive, racking up ridiculously large bills and creating such pressure for family after family? Let’s take control and do what’s good for our community.
We can do it and we must. Let’s bring down the scope and costs of our weddings, so that they are beautiful, bakavodike events that can be enjoyed happily and whose budgets stay within our capabilities.
In times like this, if we are unified in this effort, we can change the ‘norm.’
In response to the unprecedented tzara that Klal Yisrael and the world are facing, and on the advice of Gedolei Yisrael, we have come together as a community to pledge, bli neder, to simplify our weddings as a permanent part of our lives. ”
The following are letters issued on behalf of the rabbanim:
“We share the great pain of the cholim around us and of their families; We share in the sorrow of the families of those who have passed away, r”l; We recognize that this is a time of din – a time to say to HaKadosh Boruch Hu, that we are listening; We look to listen to the voices of the gedolei Yisroel, who encourage us to examine our behavior as a community and improve our ways; We look for an example in the behavior of Gedolei Yerushalayim, who responded to earlier tzoros, with takanos regarding wedding celebrations;
Therefore, we come together as a community to pledge, bli neder, that from here on, we will have no elaborate vort celebrations; And that we will limit our wedding celebrations, limiting the wedding meal to family, and close friends of the chosson & kallah, with a maximum of 250 invited guests – followed by a simchas chosson v’kallah for all of the chaveirim who wish to rejoice with us.”
Rav Elya Brudny
Rav Moshe Tuvia Lieff
Rav Yisroel Reisman
A letter from Rav Shmuel Kaminetsky Shlita:
“I am writing these lines simply to express support for your wonderful initiative to inspire others to commit to minimize the extravagant expenses of weddings and other simchos as much as possible. These huge expenditures unfortunately cause many problems, at times leading even to situations of pikuach nefashos – this phenomenon is well known, with no need to elaborate.
Precedent for such an initiative is evident in Rabban Gamliel’s takanos to minimize funeral and burial expenses, and we find numerous other takanos where Chazal enacted that the wealthy should minimize their spending in order not to cause embarrassment to those of lesser means. Hopefully you will be successful in achieving your objective, and anyone who partners with you and joins your initiative will merit a tremendous zechus that is literally indescribable, because someone who can afford to spend, and refrains from doing so for the sake of helping others, is being moser nefesh, and is engaging in a chessed shel emes. Additionally, he will have the zechus harabim, and is saving families and lives.
Understandably, in this area, the social standards are affected by the actions of a few individuals, because if a group of people take the initiative and begin to scale back simcha expenses, it will become an acceptable practice and others will follow suit.
Therefore, the first ones to commit to this initiative will have a double zechus, and that zechus will last forever. Those who join and commit to this tremendous initiative for the sake of Klal Yisrael should be blessed, their families should merit eternal bracha, and shalom shall reign in their homes for many years.”
Rav Shmuel Kamenetsky
“I, too, lend my support.”
Rav Chaim Kanievsky
Those who wish to add their names to join this initiative can do so by clicking here or visiting SimchaInitiative.org.
one small point- i think the video does a disservice to the cause , the rabbonim are not asking you to make a chasuna like the video. by showing this video the impression might be ” this is what it REALLY should look like ” , farkert , there should be an olam & dancing & matanos but within range
rather put up videos of chasdei lev weddings , lkwd takan chasunas etc.. showing that you can do it for 20 grand instead of 50
It is up to the community leaders to make these takanos happen.
If the above will go to a Chasuna that is obviously not in accordance with the takanos and refuse their Sidrei Kiddushin or other kubbudim and just walk out in protest…
If the Yeshivos will not let their talmidim attend such chasunas…
If the class of the Bar Mitzva boy will not stay at the extravagant affair….
And if all of us will go to such a Chasunah, Bar Mitzva, Bris, kiddush, etc and just wish the Baal Simcha a hearty Mazal Tov and not eat anything but walk out in protest…
The message would be loud and clear that we all want this to change and you would see how fast these takanos would hold.
However if the leaders will be afraid to protest for fear of losing out on a donation- we will end up with talk and zero results.
We all want and even need these takanos (and 250 people is also too much), but it will take our collective protests to make it happen.
Are we ready??
I surely hope so.
Before this latest crisis, we already had a serious conflict between extravagant social expectations and the ability ordinary families to meet them. On any proper scale of Torah values, the slew of newly invented “obligations” would be at the very bottom.
What about the cost of Sheva Brachos? A total waste of time and money and questionable if the so called ponim chadashos is really a ponim chadoshos and a sofek of brochos l’vatala. The Chasam Sofer says they didn’t even do shabbos sheva brachos in Frankfort in his days.
I believe that it was not customary to have sheva brachos every night in Europe, especially not in the small towns.
It seems as The video Is there , not as a show of how the new wedding should be , but more as a way to show that a small chasunah can be joyous and simchadik.
I’m sure after Covid19 restrictions are over Everyone will be running to dance at simchos and be misameach the Choson vkallah with pure joy as opposed to external trappings.
Bseuros tovos .
I have been warning people about this for my whole life.
Rav Chaim Kanievsky last on the list????
acharon acharon chaviv
It looks as if the videos are showing , That although unfortunately these weddings were not what they were meant to be , Simchos can be truly joyous and special . Which seems to be the point of the initiative .
I’m sure when covid19 is over all of us will be running to dance at as many simchos as possible . Which we will enjoy for the pure joy we are all feeling for the Choson and kallah not for any external trappings.
May we dance at our own and each other’s simchos together really soon .
So basically the reason people are dying is because gevirim are making extravagant weddings. Oiy meh hayu lanu?
Not at all! Rather:
At this time when it has become clear that that small weddings, even very small ones, are very joyful and uplifting it is much easier for people to accept this vital takanah. Why twist logic into absurdity. OY meh hoya lecho
No the reason people are dying as a direct result of Purim Seudos is because of modern-day Seudos Achashveirosh.
No, Dor yisomim, basically the reason people are dying before and after Covid19 is because gevirim are making extravagant weddings that tempt everyone else to live on credit and kill themselves to imitate.
Reply
When did you become a NOVIE ?
To use the pain of COVID 19 Chosson and Kallah and flaunt it and use it as an initiative, just adds to the pain. This is not the way that Simchos should be. No one should be getting married without their siblings, parents, friends, etc. Before anyone uses us as an example, you need to go through it yourself and see how much of a heartache it is. Your using people’s pain to prove a point but honestly, it’s like pouring salt on open wounds. I agree to scale back the weddings, but the videos being used are just painful-this is not the way it should be. People getting married now are being Mesaras Nefesh.
Thank you. You expressed my thoughts exactly.
PR companies exploiting yenims tragedy for political/financial/kavod purposes is disgusting and they’ll have to answer to a higher authority after 120.
Mesaras Nefesh??? don’t make me laugh, because you didn’t have prime rib and major name for a singer? well kid welcome to the adult world were life deals you cards you don’t like
It is about time that you learned to read English.The “Mesaras Nefesh”is in reference to” getting married without their siblings, parents, friends, etc.”.
YOU are so right! Very sorry for your pain . May Hashem bless you with much happiness and long life ,MAZAL TOV.Do you know what is very troubling. The ones that are behind this movement ,OWN Mosdos make their dinners in hotels.May Hashem have mercy on HIS children and send them Refuaha Shalama and bring Messiach now.
I would suggest;There is an issur to listen to music because of aveilus on the churban.This issur is mentioned in Shulchan Oruch.Although there are hedeirm and kulos BUT it seems to me there is NO heter for the frum music industry that exists today.[brand name singers,kumsits and symphony orchestras.Can’t make a chsunah without a brand name singer and 5 m’zamrim]
[ even at a siyum-who of stature was matir multi piece orchestras]look in our kosher magazines, article after article about the music industry.are we imitating the goyim?
.Which brings me to the point in 5668-69 there was a horrendous magaifa in Jerusholayim.It was revealed to Reb Yedidya Abulafia[Rosh of the Mekublim’s Bes Kayl]and
Horav Meir Auerbach ZT”L.the reason was, that the olam was not misavel on the Bais Hamikdash properly.It was then that the issur to play music at chasunas in the ”old city ” was instituted,b’mamad all the gedolie Jerusholayim and a royv of the tzibbur at the kosel hamarovi.and the magayfa abated. Perhaps,this consideration is more mido k’neget mido.That is not to say that the weddings and simchos[a vort,aufuf ,sheva brochos]are not celebrated materially excessive.but as some of the writers pointed out were is the mido k’neget mido.
I am only writing to meorer the tzibburs sumas lev. Yaakov Hirschman
When the Yeshiva would stop making the dinners in Brooklyn Marriot, The Palace and paying to name for headliners let me know
Correct comments on sheva brochos.
My immigrant parents talked to us kids about it many times . The only day was on Shabbos and not a big splash.
Relatives now are quietly obliged to make them every night, catered, 3 courses, music and the rest.
Nobody comes on time and it’s a bunch of nonaffordable money in the garbage.
I think the idea needs some finetuning. It should be about limiting numbers of courses, bands sizes, shmorgs and bars rather than capping invitees.
The reality is that it is hard for a prominent individual to limit the wedding to 250 guests. He may have many employees and acquaintances, aside from neighbors, relatives and associates. And who wants to snub neighbors by only inviting some of the block?
Of-course when someone doesn’t follow the guidelines, and Rabbonim and Roshei Yeshiva still attend, it makes it even harder.
Suppose it was about limiting the grandiosity. Rules can include a maximum number of courses, a limit on the shmorg size, no more than a 5-piece band, max 1 singer, and no bars. But no cap on invitees.
It would be more doable. It would take off the pressure and cost. And less excusable. A guy says now, look I have a lot of people I must invite. Fair point, but it doesn’t require a bar, a 10-piece band and a grand shmorg.
I hope this idea makes its way to the people behind this initiative.
You technically have a point, but why do you have a hard time understanding? It says 250 invitees, and the rest to simchas Chassan ve’kala!
In the beginning of Corona, people could only make a simcha in a house–with 50 guests at a time, and no one had a problem with it–they were happy it happened! If a person understands that this is how it has to be, they will do it–even of they are a millionaire! And you don’t lose out, as you appreciate each guest more!
How about like some did in Israel years ago and maybe some still do.
Invite most anybody, serve only sponge cake and seltzer. Meal only for close family and everybody can dance away.
Yes, this is basically what they are saying – not more than 250 invited guests – to seuda/meal, and rest to dancing
THE NEXT ” NEW NORM” ALL OVER THE JEWISH WEB.(1) DAVENING HOME (2)ALL YESHIVAS DINNERS IN BACKYARD ( 3) LEARNING ON PHONE ,ZOOM.
HI, ANY REASON WHY MY REPLY IS NOT ON?
It was probably too chashuv!
This is certainly one of the lessons from Covid – a lesson that simchos can be made smaller. Having less peple at a simcha is Me’at hamachazik es hameruba – you won’t be missing anything.
(And no, just because we were davening at home now, doens’t mean that is what Hashem wants, and as if that would be a disproof on the simcha mater. although, maybe a lesson in tha is that poeple should get good sleep, and daven at home if it means another hour of desperately needed sleep.
anyone know how i can get in contact with the people behind this initiative i would like to help