Audio: Sending Girls to Israel and The Shidduch Crisis: Controversial Solution

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Following a series of articles here on MATZAV.COM that triggered an unprecedented response, the author of those pieces, Rabbi Yitschak Rudomin, president and founder of the Jewish Professionals Institute, appeared on the Zev Brenner Show last night to discuss “Sending Girls to Israel and The Shidduch Crisis: Controversial Solution.”

Listen to the interview below (Skip to minute 24:00 for the start of the interview):

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  1. is Brenner for real. what rabbonim ok does he need that girls shouldn’t go to seminary overseas?! in my opinion its ‘b’gader ‘akim mafkiros benosayhem….’ we don’t sent our holy daughters overseas and they are just as mature, yiras shomayim , etc even more

  2. Thank you so much for posting this!

    Thank you you to for the ongoing interest in trying to find happiness and a Bayis Neeman BeYisroel for every Bas Yisroel and all Bnai Torah, as well as for all Jews.

    Thank you Zev Brenner for hosting the show and for your vigorous interest and support for discussing the ongoing Shidduch Crisis and how we can possibly work towards easing it and resolving it IY”H.

    Wishing all of Klal Yisroel a Freilichen Purim and may we hear Besuros Tovos only.

    Best wishes,
    Yitschak Rudomin

  3. makes no sense. Boys and girls should both marry close to 21 and then the problem would be solved. If girls marry earlier the problem becomes worse again. please review the basic mathematical issue to understand. we need the boys and girls to be as close in age as possible.

  4. I am disappointed that Matzav keeps giving this Rudomin fellow a forum. He has single-handedly bungled, over and over again, an important issue, and in the process has insulted, demeaned and discouraged the precious bnos Yisroel he purportedly wants to help. The purpose of these essays is to start a discussion, not to start a riot! No one, literally no one out, of hundreds of comments, had anything positive to say about this fellow’s suggestion. There was UNIVERSAL condemnation the likes that has never before been seen on Matzav.

    Nevermind the fact that his proposed solution is 180 degrees backward: The Gedolim want bochurim going out younger to bring the age gap under control; having girls go out even younger does nothing to solve the problem. It simply moves the goal posts. That he does not understand this despite having it explained to him multiple times is baffling. He appears to be missing even a rudimentary ability in many disciplines simultaneously: math, English, history, logic, psychology, and most of all interpersonal skills.

    Besides for the oilam, you will be doing HIM the greatest favor by discontinuing his “series” and not allowing him to dig himself into a deeper and deeper hole.

    • you are disappointed in free speech(as long its not against torah)? its appaling how poster don’t want to give free speech rights because they don’t like someones opinion. IN THIS CASE WE CAN SAY ‘THE TRUTH HURTS’

  5. I found it intersting that when Mr. Brenner pressed the Rabbi on which Gedolim support his great idea, he couldn’t give a single name. Why should anyone listen to this daas yochid? Who is he and what are his credentials? What makes HIM an expert on the alleged shidduch “crises”?

    • Response by Rabbi Yistchak Rudomin to questions about who he is and what justifies him

      I found it interesting that when Mr. Brenner pressed the Rabbi on which Gedolim support his great idea, he couldn’t give a single name.

      I am very grateful to Zev Brenner for having me on his show, even though we do not have the same Hashkafa as he is openly Modern Orthodox and a Religious Zionist, while I am NEITHER of those two things! He wears a tiny Kippa Seruga with embroidered Israeli and American flags on them, while I wear a nice large velvet black Yarmulka and a black Borsalino hat. I do not agree with Zev Brenner’s Hashkofas and philosophy of life and he does not agree with mine. So what? Does that mean we can’t have an agreeable and intelligent exchange of views and a paradoxical dialectical discussion on a radio interview, where he plays the devil’s advocate and gets to pick and choose “Frummy” questions while I have to come up with “modern” English words to explain myself? It’s a fascinating verbal and intellectual duet and “song and dance” that not every Yeshiva person could do, but B”H I am able to do it due to my background, education and experience.

      Now let me ask YOU a silly question: Which Gadol gives Zev Brenner and his show their Haskoma???? May I answer for you? The answer is ZERO! There is not one Gadol that I know of that gives Zev Brenner either his Haskoma or Brocha as far as anyone knows. Brenner is Matzliach to do a Jewish radio show and he is good at what he does and we may or may not listen to him, but not every word that comes out of his mouth is the kind of Hashkofa that a Ben Torah should even listen to in the first place. Don’t get me wrong, I have NOTHING against Zev Brenner or his show because I believe in the free exchange of ideas and open discussion as one finds in vigorous debates in democracies and free and open societies like in the USA and maybe like in Israel too. So please do not get confused.

      What Haskoma would you like from me? First of all, did you listen to the many listeners who obviously agree with every word I say? Maybe you should get your (selective) hearing checked? Did you hear that I read on the air the ad from the many Rabbanim and Roshei Yeshiva from the Yated that now Bochurim who are 21 should think of getting married ASAP? Did you hear me quote the Shulchan Oruch, the Mechaber and the Rema who Pasken the Halacha, BASED ON THE MISHNA IN PIRKEI AVOS in the name of Yeguda Ben Teima that “Ben Shemoneh Esrei LeChupa” that the ideal age ACCORDING TO JEWISH LAW AND HENCE ACCORDING TO JUDAISM AN THERFORE ACCORDING TO GOD to start getting married is 18 years and not wait longer than 20? Do I or anyone need a Haskoma from any Gadol to say over what is says in black and white in the Shulchan Oruch? Do you agree or disagree with what it says in Shulchan Oruch, Even HaEzer, Siman Alef, Seif Gimmel??? Do you even know what that is??? In a addition to this being a serious Hashkafic discussion this is also a serious Halachic discussion as well. Have you asked YOUR Posek what age our own Frum Jewish children should marry nowadays, and would that Posek say differently to the many Rabbanim who are calling on boys, AND GIRLS because it OBVIOUSLY applies to them as well, to marry at an earlier age?? So please, stop talking nonsense will you and please grow up!

      Why should anyone listen to this daas yochid?

      Nobody is forcing anyone to listen to anything! As long as likes and accepts my articles, I will continue to write them, if they will not like my articles, take it up with the editors if you don’t like it. I give them full permission to take down all my writings if they want to, I am not forcing theme or anyone to publish anything I write. If Zev Brenner or anyone respectable wants me back on his show, I will gladly go and be on it as many times as he wants to have me. I do NOT charge either or Zev Brenner for my writing or talking or teaching. If anyone would like to help me they can make a tax-deductible donation to my own organization JPI see that will help me continue with my wring and lecturing and teaching.

      Who is he and what are his credentials?

      I am only a long-time Kiruv rabbi. Nothing more and nothing less. I have also been a resident in Flatbush for nearly 40 years, and I have raised and married all of my own children to good Frum spouses from good Frum families who all live in Flatbush. I have BA and Teachers Diploma to teach High School level English Literature and World History. I have a MA degree from Teachers College- Columbia University in History and Education and you can read my MA Thesis online in full at The Second World War and Jewish Education in America: The Fall and Rise of Orthodoxy and let me know what there is not to like about it from a Frum point of view please. And I learned in Yeshiva Rabbi Chaim Berlin from 1976 to 1986 and upon leaving Yeshiva in 1986 the Rosh HaYeshiva awarded me a Semicha of “Rav-Moreh” based on the prior special blessings from Rav Yitzchok Hutner ZT”L conveyed by Rav Hutners’ loyal Gabbai Rav Shmuel Wolman ZT”L, who had recommended me very highly and encouraged me in my Kiruv work during the four years I got to know him, from 1976 until his passing in 1980. While I was in Yeshiva Rabbi Chaim Berlin I was a Talmid and heard Shiurim from of Rav Shmuel Elchanan Brog ZT”L and Rav Shimon Groner ZT”L, and Yibadlu Lechaim Tovim Ve’Aruchim I was very close with the two Roshei Yeshiva of Yeshiva Rabbi Chaim Berlin-Kollel Gur Aryeh: Rav Aron Moshe Schechter SHLIT”A and Rav Yonoson Dovid David SHLIT”A and I spent many hours and days and Shabbasos and Yomim Tovim with them and their families when I was single in their homes hearing their special Divrei Torah and Shiurim based on Rav Yitzchok Hutner’s Ma’amorim on Hilchos Dei’os VeChovos Halevavos..

      I was working in Kiruv in South Africa from 1973 to 1976 BEFORE I came to yeshiva in the USA and some of my students are prominent Rabbanim and lay leaders today. I became fully Frum at teh age of 22 in 1974 and both my parents Aleihem HaShalom were Holocaust survivors. I was working in Kiruv within the yeshiva when I was a Talmid there, and since 1986 when I left the Yeshiva I have held various Kiruv Rechokim positions since then. I have hundreds of people in real life and I have reached many online and I have Mekareved many people in real life, and I do not like to give “statistics” for that because I honestly believe that “statistics lie”!!! Hope this gives just a little sense of who I am. Feel free to ask me more and I will gladly answer you.

      What makes HIM an expert on the alleged shidduch “crises”?

      I am not an “expert” of anything, I am fellow traveler with all other Jews on the road of life and now focused on the “SHIDDUCIM SUPER HIGHWAY” as I like to call it! There are no so-called “experts” in this field. Even if someone has made 100 Shidduchim they are still not “the” experts. I am just trained to write and analyze historical phenomena and that is what I am doing. For example, I was once in a course about “The Effects of TV on Children” and I was given assignments to research and write on that topic. It is an academic way of doing things. It is also done by “think tanks” and intelligence agencies (do you know what that means?) and I do not come at a topic in a “Frum” way because all that leads to is the very obvious, that HKB”H is behind everything and we must have Emuna and Bitachon in Him which is always true in every situation but it does not help you THINK and then to DESCRIBE and then EXPLAIN and ask the famous questions of WHY? WHAT? WHO? WHEN? HOW? that must be answered in order to understand social, political, economic, historical, religious, spiritual and all sorts of human phenomena in this great world that we are Blessed to live in by HaShem of course!

      Wishing everyone a Freilichen and Joyous Purim Sameach!!!
      Rabbi Yitschak Rudomin

  6. rabbi rudomin
    ‘al tane kesil k’uvalto’. you dont have to lower yourself,prostate your self for these kalim. the samech men will always have his shluchim to knock ehrlicehr yidden. you see in every subject that has to do with kedushes am yisroel eg separate seating , WOW, he has his ‘chassidim’ who are in the net of tumah ralling for him.What do they care about ‘akim mafkiros es benosayhem, which this touches upon? and that’s why chassidim don’t sent their daughters hefker. yeh you hear of the girls who made it. you dint hear of whats going on with others..we do

    • Thank you for your kind words.

      In my field of Kiruv Rechokim, honesty is always the best policy. We do not “halt zich in groisen” and if someone asks a question, we are not afraid of self-disclosure about ourselves, within moral bounds of course.

      Someone asked who I am that they should even listen to me. It is a common question among Frum people who are taught to respect the voices of their Gedolim. So I want to make it perfectly clear who I am and that I am not faking it to pretend to be “too big for my shoes” so I happily tell who I am because it is no secret and in any case all my kids are married already so it will not hurt their Shidduchim ;-}

      I think it is good for Frum people to hear from someone like me because until I was in my early twenties I lived with people who were not Frum and believe me there are no great things going on in the secular Jewish world. Yes they make money and they have fancy positions, but by now most are married to Goyim Gemurim, they are suffering in so many ways with no Naches, with no real family anymore, no real marriages and no real lives. All they have is lots of money and it is not helping to buy them happiness. They have Reform, they have the Conservatives, they have secular Jews who are atheists and they have their Federations and their fancy houses, but they have nothing, and they are called “Jews for Nothing”!!!

      Now those are the people that so many Frum people think they need to copy! So many Frum people are acting and thinking and talking and behaving and doing the things that the assimilated Jews are doing.

      Now it has become a fashion for Frum people to have fancy careers like the Freia people, the Frum world now has a “Shidduch Crisis” like the Singles in the secular Jewish world where they don’t even bother to call it a “crisis” they just accept it.

      Just look around you in the Frum world, they also now accept having their kids as older singles, they don’t realize they have fallen into the trap of thinking and acting like secular Jews.

      Today you have Frum Jews who learn Daf Yomi, and Daven with Heimisha Minyanim, but if you look around in these Shtieblach and Shulls you will see that every second Mispallel has a son or daughter or a few daughters who are in the late 20s and into their 30s and they are still single. What is the matter with these people? What are they waiting for?

      The Rebbelach in these Shtiebels never give them REAL Mussar and Hadrocha because all the Rebbelach want is the DONATIONS because if they cared about the singles they would Shrei Chai Vekayam. Like let’s say, if you saw someone eating Chazer every day, would you say “oh well, they are hungry let them eat” or would you scream your head off to get them to stop ASAP!!! Same thing with these singles, their lives are rotting away in front of your eyes and what are you doing about it? Mostly nothing.

      You know in Kiruv it is a funny thing, that when people become Frum it does not take them long to get married. You can have girls and boys who went to college or were working and they did all the bad things that secular young people do (meaning they have no restrictions on their private lives) and all of a sudden once they become Frum they get married. Same with older single men and women if they become Frum they soon find someone good to marry. So what is going on? They know that it is an EMERGENCY to get married, because their Kiruv rabbis and rebbetzins have a handle on the situation and they tell them and teach them that they must get married.

      But the singles in the Frum world never get to hear directly that they must get married ASAP. Instead we make up all sorts of theories to justify why they are single. There are “too many girls and not enough boys” or “the boys are too busy learning” or “the girls are too educated” or “they want learning and not working” or “they want working and not so much learning” — bottom line these are people who DO NOT WANT TO GET MARRIED because if you want to get married, you will get married.

      Ask every one of these Frum singles sitting around if they have ever been out on dates where someone was very interested in them, and they will all say yes, and if you ask them why didn’t you marry them, you will get a million different excuses, like “he was too short” or “she was too tall” or “her family hated me” or “his family was too Frum” or “he wanted to learn forever” or “she only wanted a guy who would go out to work after two years” and so on times a million and one excuses — these are people who all had their chances, HKB”H brought someone to them and they REJECTED that person, and then they start with Tainos on the world, that no cares about them, that the Shadchanim are no good, that the Frum world is broken, and on and on it goes.

      This is not something we see in the REAL Baal Teshuva world where once someone becomes seriously Frum they know they must get married ASAP and they make their choices very quickly to marry the next person that agrees to marry them and not to be picky.

      Sure, be picky, exercise your Bechira that HaShem gave you, take your time, relax you are going to live forever after all, but please do not blame HaShem or the people around you for your problems, since you are single because you listened to the wrong advice.

      If your rabbis are NOT telling you to get married and they will not help you get married then DO NOT BE WITH SUCH A RABBI, find a rabbi and rebbetzin who are pro-active about helping people to get married and can guide singles to the Chupa.

      Every true Rosh Yeshiva is involved with the Shidduchim of his Talmidim. Every true Rebbe is involved with the Shidduchim of his Chasidim!!!

      And if you are still single after you leave Yeshiva or your Seminary then you must find rabbis and rebbetzins who are known to help people get married. They do not have to be Shadchanim but you must be around such rabbis and rebbetzins who can help you get married and will not get off your case. If you don’t like this approach, then enjoy your singlehood and do not complain about a Shidduch Crisis that you are creating with your laziness to do something about it that will work.

      Yitschak Rudomin

      • when its the other way around , when theres a breach in torah like WOWand lies, or when someone makes a statement form the other side .like S.M.. nobody will ask whats his credentials…

      • also, the not chasiddishe go out with 20 different until…. then they are more confused . then they get married and have thoughts ..maybe the other would have been better..v’hamskil yovin, like the gemorrah says ‘sholosh dayos b’mi…./ in my circles.lets say my fam. all married the first b’h, the ikur is to build a bais namon…’hashkofes the same. one of the holy rebbes of the generation said..’they get married when theyre young (ben taimo oimer) and grow up togethe..but as they grow older over…im afraid to say.. now the have to grow back together as they have their own hashkafos(from the street)

      • heard a vort. ‘Shidduchim is like krias yam suf’ gemmorah. What was by yam suf? nachshon ben aminodov didn’t think too much but jumped in. now if basically you have same hashkofos, etc. jump in.And that’s hows by us.(chassidish) No you think too much so that’s why they stay on the port

  7. ‘…..Reform atheists etc ‘ Yes, we know ..just read their sites especially the rachmone litzlon ‘interfaith family’ site. read some place ‘hashem ysmor’ they quote the holy lebavitcher rebbe that he was for ‘inclisiveness’…’metahar es hashrotzim b’mayah v’chamishim tamim”’


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