DON’T SHOOT THE MESSENGER: Musician Tells Matzav After Rabbonim’s Wedding Music Letter

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As a musician who has played at our chasunos for many years, I want to say that I was gratified to see the letter from rabbonim regarding the spirit of the music at our chasunos. I have been an advocate for a long time for bringing the right taam back into wedding music.

However, I want to say the following.

Firstly, the large majority of weddings I have played at are beautiful and Yiddish. Ironically, it’s at some of the more “with-it” chassidishe weddings that I find more of the disco style music. But whatever the case, let’s remember that the majority of our chasunos are really beautiful.

Secondly, the issue of style and volume are two different things. People have been complaining about the volume of music since anyone can remember. It’s nothing new. When Shelley Lang was playing in the ‘80s, people said it was too loud. When Shabsi Parnes and CM Schwartz played, people said it was too loud. Today, people say it is too loud. It’s nothing new. And it can be Yiddish and still be loud. They’re not a contradiction.

And finally,, don’t shoot the messenger. I’ve already had someone tell me that the rabbonim’s letter about wedding music is our – the musicians’ – fault. I’ve had people come over to me at weddings and scream at me, saying it’s our fault. Please stop it. If you feel that people are involved in too much eating and gashmiyus, do you go into restaurants and take-outs and yell at the owner? No. So don’t yell at us. We’re only service providers.

May we continue to bring simcha to others and celebrate the establishment of many more botim ne’emanim b’Yisroel.


A chasunah musician



    • They dont care…Even if mechitan asks to lower volume.
      It should be so..that if its too loud, and asked to lower…and they dont…they dont get paid. For my money…I want it MY WAY..And am entitled to it.

  1. My friend, you are making everyone deaf with your noise!!!! What heter do you have to cause permanent hearing loss to everyone who attends (except those of us with ear plugs!). If someone pays you to be mazik, do you have a heter??? I would venture to say that the majority of people which are not the 30 bochrim DO NOT ENJOY YOUR NOISE! A chasuna use to be an enjoyable event. These days, it pure pain! But, don”t worry sonny boy, when you hit 40 and you catch yourself saying to people, “what did you say?”, you will only have yourself to blame! ENJOY !!!!

  2. The writer of the letter obviously doesn’t understand how things happen in the music world. It starts from the leading artists and producers and then filters down to weddings. Sure the chosson can pick what he wants, but by the time he’s a chosson if that’s the current ‘Jewish’ wind there’s not much he can do…

  3. I commend the rabomim for speaking out. However, the letter writer is correct, as this is what many of today’s youth’s enjoy. Right or wrong unless the musician says I’m not playing by your wedding whose fault is it really. The rabonim should try and figure out why the kids are into this kind of music in the first place.

    • Sometimes things like this are a vicious cycle, so anywhere along the cycle that you stop it will eliminate, or at least slow down, the spiraling. Lower and tame the music, people will no longer be used to it, so there’ll be less demand and people won’t even go in that direction. Of course, sensitizing people why such music is wrong will then be easier.

  4. This author makes no sense. It’s either right or wrong. If it’s wrong to play music at a dangerous decibel that can make people deaf then musician should agree whether the chosen likes it or not. I’m personally going deaf from weddings. It’s painful at the wedding needing to scream to have conversation and then ears ring for a while afterwards and then future hearing gets damaged. Just because a young immature chosen asked u do doesn’t absolve u . Ur still the maazik. I noticed many times standing behind speakers next to musician with speakers facing other way it’s not nearly as loud as with the people are hearing. Stop making excuses and get a backbone and tell chasya I’m that u don’t play over normal volume because It can cause hearing loss . It doesn’t even sound good. Don’t u care that ur band is sounding awful? Since when do some young Whippersnapper buchrim call the shots?

  5. THERE is no excuse for goyish music! there is plenty of nice heimish music available, it beats me how rabanim and rosh yeshivas walk into chasunas and dance to music that doesnt even belong in a bar! once you hear it a couple times everyone just gets used to it without realizing how sickening it is. and its all thanks to our very own “heimish” singers that made this a reality by putting point blank non jewish music on there albums.
    hope this kol korei helps- as i am sure all the “know better than the gedolim / gedolim dont GET IT” people will be having a hay day with this post

    • Unfortunately it doesn’t help…..we have to fix ourselves before we can fix others and if someone has a problem likely the problem is withen them.we should always look at the good in others klal yosroel has enough kitrug

  6. When I have to shout to speak to the person standing next to me, we have a serious problem. When I come back from weddings, I realize that I always get a sore throat.

  7. I would highly doubt that what occurs at weddings is that the musicans play at a normal volume and play Yidishe music and then the chosson comes over to the band and says “come on!-pump up the volume and let’s play some old time rock and roll….” That is what this letter writer is suggesting. I think it is more likely that the bands play what they want assuming that what they are doing is pleasing the kids. No one considers the parents who are paying for the whole thing.

  8. When I made chasune’ I told the musician, you better keep it low. If you play too loud, you’re not getting paid!!! If more mechetanim insisted on keeping the volume down, the musicians would have no choice…

  9. a word about dancing: jews dance together, linked hands in a circle. goyim dance as individuals. look what’s happening by our chasunas when the music takes on a goyish flavor…

  10. during dancing is not a time to be speaking, you are supposed to be dancing and if you cant then go outside to talk. most weddings during the meal its not as loud as during dancing.

    • really people are forced to be dancing through the whole dancing period. and during the meal while eating do you demand no talking also?


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