FULL INTERVIEW: Lakewood Shadchanim Talk About The Shidduch Crisis

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  1. Watched the whole clip and loved it. But one question R Tzadok. If the numbers and age gap are at the root of the issue and it is hard to argue that it is not- then that is the issue that needs to be addressed more rather than success or lack thereof of girls or boys. If the numbers going in to the parshah are the same for both genders – no one will have an issue as all the other things will work themselves out. It is only when you have an uneven amount that those with various advantages and disadvantages have issues. We need to push boys all boys to marry earlier. Would you not agree?

  2. It’s hard for me to believe that at this late date, someone actually thinks that feminism, in the sense of equal opportunity for women, has been a bad thing, much less that it is contrary to the Torah.

  3. These are Lakewood shadchanim? That’s funny. Our son is in BMG for a year and a half, has met these 2 and has not been redd one shidduch from either one. The 3rd member of the BVG shadchanim has redd us girls only a couple girls just to be yoitze. Mind you our son is a serious learner with sterling middos and keeps his sedorim and is also not farfrumpt.
    The shidduch crisis in Lakewood is just beginning. Within 5 years it will be a total disaster for the following reasons.
    Our son has been turned down
    Simply because he learned inThe Mir. Problem is you have a few hundred new girls every year all looking for the 50 really good Briskers. The numbers don’t add up. When these fathers have s few daughters back to back they will be in total crisis mode. Another reason is girls are coming back from seminary looking for a Gavra or a Baal Kishrun who will sit for 10 years and then go into chinuch. My sisters and daughters came back from seminary they didn’t use such lingo they were looking for someone that was serious learner that was also a Mentsh. These shadchens have to get off their high horses and stop trying to cater mainly to the rich and famous

    • As someone who has dealt with shidduchim in the past you should know that what you are saying is ridiculous. There are enough girls out there who will marry a good boy regardless of which yeshiva he attended be it yagdil mir etc. If you don’t believe it ask around. See if there are less boys from those yeshivos who are married.
      And as someone who knows Reb Shloimeh and Reb Tzaddok very well, I would like to let you know that both of them are pretty renowned for making many shidduchim all across the spectrum rich poor mir brisk etc etc. As a matter of fact when they go around to the yeshivos in EY they go to all of them and give everyone the same attention their parents’ financial situation notwithstanding. Why your son hasn’t been redt a shidduch by them is completely normal and you seem to be forgetting the vast number of single boys in BMG.Do you really expect them to redt every single boy shidduchim?! As much as they would like to it’s simply impossible. So before you put down two very nice, honest, menshliche people please be careful.
      And regarding your son I think the best option is to pull out a tehillim and talk to the One who can take care of it all, because he definitely doesn’t care which yeshiva your son went to and the one that He has for your son will marry him regardless.
      Be”h your son should be zocheh to become a chosson soon amongst all the singles in klal yisrael!


    There are Mosdos asking for donations geared especially to those who are desperate to find Shidduchim for themselves or for their loved ones. These organizations offer to have Gedolim, Rebbes, Roshei Yeshivos, Rabonim, Kabbalists, etc. travel to Mekomos Hakdoshim and daven for a Zivug on behalf of those who send in money.

    It is a pathetic way of raising money by taking advantage of people who are in a desperate situation. What’s even more pathetic is that it is very likely for such Tefillos not to be accepted by HKBH.

    If the situation is that for every 120 nineteen-year-old girls there are only 100 twenty-three-year-old boys to go around, it would be pointless to daven that all girls should get married, since there are simply not enough 23-year-old boys to marry all the 19-year-old girls. This Tefillah would be asking for the impossible and that would be considered a תפילת שוא.

    Furthermore, davening only for those girls who donate money to the organization doesn’t sound right. For every girl who gets married another boy gets taken off the market.
    There is a concept in the Gemoro of תופס לבעל חוב במקום שחב לאחרים – One cannot grab an item for the benefit of his friend if by doing so another person will lose out. One may, however, grab it for himself even במקום שחב לאחרים. Therefore davening for only a certain group (Donors) and not including the בתוך שאר הנצרכים sounds like a תופס לבעל חוב במקום שחב לאחרים.


    The solution to the shidduch crisis is to narrow the age gap between the boys and girls getting married. Davening for this to happen on its own is futile; it is incumbent on us to take the measures to make it happen. The problem is man-made and can be corrected by man בעזהי”ת. It’s up to us; we can and should change the trend of having such a wide age gap between the genders.

    Perhaps, the time has come of מה תצעק אלי– ויסעו. We must make a move to correct the problem. We cannot shove the problem under the carpet, nor pretend to solve it with Davening gimmicks.

    We must first acknowledge the cause of the Shidduch crisis. Many people aren’t aware that the number one cause for the shidduch crisis is the age gap, and if nothing is done to remedy that, then
    15%- 20% of the girls will remain Agunos for the rest of their lives.
    We must also educate and publicize this to as many people as possible. It is very important that the naysayers be proven wrong.

    The only way to narrow the age gap is by facilitating and encouraging the boys to start dating at a younger age. This can be accomplished if the Roshei Yeshivos are on board and implement policies such as:
    1. The American Roshei Yeshivos should send away their talmidim to Eretz Yisroel at age 20, and not allow them to stick around past that age.
    2. The Israeli Roshei Yeshivos should not accept Bachurim over the age of 20.
    3. Abolish the “freezer” rule.
    Having the Bachurim go to learn in Eretz Yisroel at an earlier age means they will return to America at an earlier age, thus starting Shidduchim earlier and thereby narrowing the age gap.

    These might be drastic measures, but we can all agree that the severe tragedy of having girls never get married, remaining Agunos for the rest of their lives, surely requires drastic measures. Now is the time of ‘עת לעשות וגו

    If the philanthropists, Gevirim,& Askonim who support the Yeshivos want to seriously commit themselves to solve the Shidduch crisis, they would exert their influence on the Roshei Yeshivos and give them the “motivation” to take these necessary steps and policies to effect change.

    • Now that you have all the answers, daven that Hashem should make them happen. Or maybe just daven that there should be some solution and let Hashem figure out the rest.

  5. 33:00
    Happy married?
    See the last piece in Drash Moshe Parshes V’Yechi at the END (A MUST see for every married person!!!) –

    Happily married is based on the person mind (Rabbi Miller zt’l )

    *Reb Tzodok 100% correct (except a good year (L’shonah Tova) should automatically make the person HAPPY, if not, there is something wrong with the person. He should go learn some Chassidic sefer)

    (* Good is not enough, it must be GOOD & HAPPY))

  6. age gap is not the issue
    10 years support for every guy is the issue out of a class of 25 girls and equal 25 guys only 15 girls parents can support the tzadik for ten years
    so he will wait for the next class
    by the chasidim there is no crisis
    they dont buy into the 10 year support business

  7. Hello! In the past there also was the age gap, and even ten years was considered reasonable – but there wasn’t a crisis! There are other things going on, and no, it’s not feminism either. Girls who are too sophisticated for yeshivah bochurim, don’t go out with them – because they don’t want that lifestyle. If they do, they don’t care if he hasn’t adopted goyish cultural “norms.”

  8. Let bochurim marry at 19 or 20. Actually, that’s the way CHAZAL envisioned it, which means that all arguments to the contrary don’t just hold water. You can continue learning after you get married. In fact, getting married saves from aveiros, and is beneficial for learning.

  9. What about the chalav yisroel vs chalav stam issue? Can a shadchan lie to a girl regarding the boy who consumes chalav stam? What about wearing a polo shirt when he goes hiking (not a white dress shirt)? In today’s sick pc world, these questions are extremely important to dumb imbecilic parents.

  10. so interesting that Yeshivish have less of a problem than non-yeshivish. It’s the yeshivish boys who get married later= larger age gap. I believe these professionals. These guys have made hundreds of shidduchim. I guess we need to teach priorities in the BY system.

  11. Only half of my comment is posted. Matzav censors would make Stalin proud. Either let all opinions be represented in a civilized manner, or close the comment section if your skin is too thin.

  12. The real problem begins that we are relying on the professional shadchanim to much instead of wat it used to be years ago that your neighbor freind cousin redt shidduchim and I think if we go back to the old way it will give our younger and older singles a chance to get married!

  13. We as in klal yisroel have to start redting shidduchim and not get bogged down that the idea didn’t come from Mr shaddchin or that the shaddchin doesn’t approve! I think that since the Lakewood shadchanim came arnd it caused alot of regular people to stop redting shidduchim and I think that’s the essence of the shidduch crisis!!!!


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