Dear Matzav Inbox,
We, the directors of Broken Ties, an organization established to create awareness of alienated parents, would like to thank the courageous writer of the Matzav.com letter titled “Parental Alienation is Not Just A Marital Problem.”
We appreciate their forceful and descriptive lines presenting the horror and devastation that alienation has wrought on so many frum families. In our support group alone there are close to 2000 anguished parents pleading 24/7 to be reunited with their children. Their pain is unbearable and there is no relief in sight.
In an effort to bring awareness to our community of the patterns inherent in alienation, in which innocent and devoted parents are torn away from their children, Broken Ties has established a website with much helpful information. You can visit us at http://www.brokenties.org or call into our hotline at 800-808-0284 Ext 1. If you would like to join our organization please contact us at [email protected].
Thank you.
The Directors
Broken Ties
To submit a letter to appear on Matzav.com, email [email protected]
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Please involve askanim from aguda and moetzes rabbanim. People follow their lead as they represent klal yisroel
I asked them and they said they can’t help.
We need to pay attention to the message. The ripping away of children from their parents is usually cruel. I wish to open the can of worms here, and it is not pleasant.
There are situations in which children are estranged from their parents. Some media coverage several months ago drew a broad brush on this, blaming this on therapists. There are rotten plumbers, bad doctors, incompetent professionals and workers of all sorts. For the most part, workers are adept at their work, and perform their duties honorably. Yes, good doctors, plumbers, therapists, rebbeiim and teachers, etc. I would not make the tragic error of casting aspersions on the professions because of a few bad apples. But don’t think I am justifying them.
Children who were abused by their parent(s) have every right to disconnect from them. There is nomoral support for forcing them to engage with the perpetrators that damaged them so severely. Sometimes that abuse lacks the drama of violence, etc., and is just about severe neglect. While repairing those relationships might be nice, one cannot obligate them to do so.
There are also parents who have mental illnesses, and their children cannot manage relationships with them. Here, too, one cannot obliigate them. This is especially pronounced when the parent refuses treatment, and any interactions are wrecked by the parent’s disordered behavior.
I don’t know of statistics, but have observed quite a few cases that point to the resistant parent’s problem, not the child. Rabbonim are apt to intervene in these cases without having the luxury of a professional assessment of the situation. It might be interesting to examine the halachic angles of this. I am familiar with poskim who will not mandate reconciliation while the disordered parent remains untreated.
There is no single pattern here. Not all alienated parents are mentally ill. Most therapists do NOT advise their clients to sever ties with their parents. And, as the title suggests, not all parental alienation and estrangement is related to a marital problem of the parents.
Creating awareness of an issue is most commendable when the net result is actionable. Has the formation of your organization resulted in reunification of those estranged with their loved ones or is it similar to the people of chelem who built a hospital at the foot of a cliff rather than building a gate?
What השגחה פרטית that I just learned about this story.
On a different note, I applaud Matzav.com for promoting the organization that is interesting in helping out with the kids and such. At least someone cares about fixing a problem.
Thank you for taking the time to address your thoughts of what an organization that deals with alienation should be accomplishing. As one of the directors I would like to share our goals. Please understand that Alienation is a deliberate and calculated act masqueraded as being performed by an innocent party – often one that can convince others that they are actually the victims. The only way to protect their victims is to expose their games, as alienation cannot thrive once the secret is out. For this to take root we need to educate the public so that family and friends of the alienated parent are not swayed by the alienator’s tactics. We also work with families and help to ease their suffering and try to bridge the gap wherever possible. To understand the various tactics alienators play and how they succeed, I would appreciate if you would take the time to listen to our Podcast at 1-800-808-0234 Ext 1. Maybe you too can help us in our mission.