Dear Matzav Inbox,
It is often said that “no one truly understands another’s struggles until they’ve walked a mile in their shoes.”
Nowhere is this more true than in the life of a rosh hamossad. Running a school is not just a responsibility. It is an all-consuming mission that eats up every corner of one’s life—mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Yet, despite the Herculean effort it requires, the rosh hamosad is so often treated as a convenient punching bag for every complaint, grievance, and unmet expectation within the school system.
Let me pull back the curtain for a moment and explore what it truly means to shoulder the leadership of a mosad chinuch.
Fundraising: The Never-Ending Cycle
Every rosh hamosad begins their day with the knowledge that their institution is only as secure as the funds they can raise. Tuition doesn’t cover a fraction of the actual costs of education, and the rest must be made up through relentless fundraising efforts.
Imagine constantly knocking on doors, making calls, and writing emails—often to people who politely decline, ignore, or criticize you. Imagine sitting in meetings with donors, pleading for the future of your bochurim or talmidos, all while knowing that without their generosity, you may not be able to pay your dedicated melamdim or teachers on time.
Fundraising isn’t a side job. It’s the job. And yet, many parents still complain that the school charges too much, demanding discounts or payment plans, with little understanding of the financial reality that every school faces.
Admissions: Damned If You Do, Damned If You Don’t
As if fundraising wasn’t challenging enough, every rosh hamosad is bombarded during admissions and farher season with an endless stream of calls, texts, and messages begging for “just one exception.”
“Reb Yid, my son is an amazing boy. He just needs a chance.”
“Rabbi, if you don’t accept my daughter, you’re sending her off the derech.”
“I’m a longtime supporter of your school; how could you turn me down?”
These pleas tug at the heartstrings, but no school has unlimited space. Hard choices must be made, and every decision comes with backlash. Parents who aren’t accepted feel betrayed, even when they know it’s not personal. Those who are accepted sometimes bring issues that strain the school’s already-overburdened resources.
And let us not forget that the rosh hamosad has no one to turn to when these decisions weigh heavily on their soul. At the end of the day, everyone—parents, staff, the community— blames them without considering the impossible situation they face.
The Day-to-Day Struggles
Running a school isn’t just about fundraising and admissions. It’s about navigating countless daily challenges that arise out of nowhere. A rebbi or teacher is unhappy about their workload or pay. A parent is upset about their child’s grades. A student has behavioral issues that disrupt the classroom.
Every issue is brought to the rosh hamosad as if they are the ultimate authority, expected to solve all problems, no matter how big or small. And when they do make decisions, they’re scrutinized endlessly.
“Why did the menahel suspend my son for that?”
“Why wasn’t this teacher reprimanded for their actions?”
“Why is my tuition going toward something I don’t personally approve of?”
It’s a no-win situation.
A Life With No Rachmanus
The most difficult part of being a rosh hamosad is the lack of rachmanus. People assume that leadership comes with perks or prestige, but in truth, it is a lonely and thankless position.
The phone doesn’t stop ringing, day or night. A crisis at 10 PM? A parent who insists their situation is the most urgent thing in the world? A donor who needs attention now? The rosh hamosad has no “off” hours.
Vacations? Forget it. Even supper is interrupted by parents or board members who feel entitled to discuss the latest school issue. Family time becomes a casualty of the job, and personal well-being takes a back seat to the demands of the klal.
The Weight of the Klal on Your Shoulders
And yet, despite it all, the rosh hamosad carries on. Why? Because they understand that the education of the next generation is the foundation of our people. They see the neshamos in their care and know that every moment of their toil is an investment in eternity.
But can we, as a community, truly say that we have supported our roshei hamosdos? Have we taken a moment to thank them, to offer encouragement instead of criticism, to recognize the sacrifices they make on behalf of our children?
The next time you’re tempted to blame the rosh hamosad for a perceived injustice, remember this: They are human beings, carrying the weight of an entire mossad on their shoulders. They do so with love and dedication, but the burden is heavy.
Let us all take a moment to be mechazek the roshei hamosdos in our communities. A kind word, a note of appreciation, or even just a little patience can go a long way. Leadership is lonely enough without the added sting of constant criticism.
To the roshei hamosdos reading this: May Hashem give you strength, wisdom, and clarity to continue your holy work. May you see nachas from your students and their families, and may the community recognize the immeasurable value of what you do.
Sincerely,
One Who Lives This Every Day
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I will admit that as a boy of 4 years old I was not accepted to a particular yeshiva and to this day I NEVER give them a cent and encourage others not to give them as the menahel had no heart by rejecting myself a boy with no father. I give $100k + plus donations every year to other schools but this one, despite that menahel possibly not being even alive.
Chaim Berlin B’H is booming and expanindg K’H as they have a strong parent body. Its really sad what happened to the choshuva rosh yeshiva
All this would stop if we went back to Kehillos-run schools (i.e. KAJ, Vien, Satmar etc.). Period.
Yes, it takes away all the pride (and terrible middos it has brought into our society) of the “that’s a good school, I got into such and such etc”, but it would make everything else better.
If I may, your attitude is off. As a Rosh hamosad, you are the leader of a community. You are a father, a Tatty, an Abba. The right approach is to look at your position as such and accept that you’re responsible and doing this because you love everyone – all your kinderlach. If they come to you with demands, complaints and criticisms, they are your children and you’re there to help. If your running short on bandwidth and can’t accommodate a personal plea, it pains you that you can’t help. If they’re angry at you, it’s like having your teenager be angry at you because you had to do the right thing for the bigger picture. And it’s all with love.
I promise you, this makes the “burden” take on a whole new meaning!
Terrible
Tuition doesn’t cover a fraction of the actual costs of education, and the rest must be made up through relentless fundraising efforts.
I’m sorry but this statement does not seem to be correct. Every tax return of any yeshiva that I’ve seen shows the majority of their income being from tuition. Yes, I know that all mosdos face a difficult time fundraising and would not survive without it but don’t please don’t downplay tuition
Perhaps this Rosh HaMosad lives in Detroit. There, as well as in Cleveland, South Bend, Cincinnati and Milwaukee, the majority of tuition is either fundraised or covered by government vouchers. And last i checked, most yeshivos do not need to file 990’s. They can, but do not need to.
Yeshivas definitely need to file, just like every non profit.
The only ones who don’t are shuls.
Some yeshivas may run under a synagogue officially but as a school they definitely do need to
in a community where being a kli kodesh is altruistic – the rosh mosad is appreciated as the one who is both altruistic and has a headache from it
in a community where being a kli kodesh is a given, but only a select few are chosen for shtelles – a rosh mosad is a way of staying a kli kodesh without being picked, while wielding power in the community – shouldn’t expect rachmanus or chashivus when he is the mutzlach among his peers!
true, someone has to do the job you are doing, but so is the grocery man, without whom everyone would starve, but yet he does not get chashivus for it, because he is in it for his own hatzlacha
Since this post comes from an insider, we need to accept certain statements as revealing and accurate. I was surprised to see this line (though I always believed this was true.)
“Every rosh hamosad begins their day with the knowledge that their institution is only as secure as the funds they can raise. Tuition doesn’t cover a fraction of the actual costs of education, and the rest must be made up through relentless fundraising efforts.”
No one in our community is oblivious to the persistent seeking of funds from virtually every mosod in the chinuch world. We are perpetually bombarded with requests for yeshivos that are outside our personal circles, aside from those where we send our children. This fundraising takes many forms, and is nonstop. Anyone with intellect can recognize that operating a school/yeshiva is expensive. We also know well that the resources of government funds have diminished over the years.
But it remains shocking to observe the pressure placed on parents who struggle with their tuition. There are talmidim and talmidos whose parents are unable to make ends meet. There are yesomim among them, and some who are from broken families. Some may have other circumstances that make their ability to be up to date with tuition extremely difficult. Sometimes, yeshivos are accommodating, and work with the parents. But many times, the administrations are intolerant. And here’s lies the question. If the majority of the operating funds are raised, and not from tuition, why torture the parents who are otherwise struggling? Why make re-registrations mid year and prevent the innocent talmidim and talmidos from attending school? Why reject applications when parents have an outstanding balance from the previous year that is the result of their struggles?
There may well be parents who purchased new cars, traveled on vacations, and indulged in other luxuries, and fasiled to prioritize tuition. But the bulk of the defaults on tuition is not by parents who spoil themselves. Yeshivos need every dime. But why treat parents as if they are the reason for the budget shortfall?
Many administrators maintain respectful relationships with parents, fostering a sense of teamwork. However, I want to address the majority of administrators who can come across as condescending. It’s troubling that the challenges parents face often go unrecognized. Are you aware of any administrators at well-sized schools facing Personal financial difficulties? If yes why the three houses you own why the latest cars and why redo your office three times in five years. Did we ever solicit your extravagant plans for building upgrades? Have you consulted with parents about their needs, or is this solely about your vision, with an expectation for us to comply without question?
Our tuition places a significant burden on our finances, often at the expense of our own basic needs. Despite our efforts, we frequently hear that we aren’t doing enough—hakaros hatov, machshiv Torah, etc. Do you recognize that some administrators may have staff members who might not be essential? Have you considered that schools haven’t shared their post-COVID expenses in light of rising fees? It’s worth noting that the extra money isn’t reaching our Rebbes; they haven’t received raises corresponding to these increases, nor have your administrative teams.Additonally, you guys get frustrated when community orgs get easier and better fundraiser efforts than your special mosad. Imagine hatzolah says when you call we owe you nothing.We saved your fathers life.We call you twelve times a year to let yoou know what you owes us.Or Bonei olam by every birthday. or chaverim every day you car works give money.You have a narsasitic approach.We love our kids chinuch but hate your approcah.
If it’s so darn difficult and unbearable, quit, and let someone with a more positive demeanor do this Avodas HaKodesh. No one forced you or is continuing to force you into this job. Post your resume and go to work as a cashier in Gourmet Glatt.
My goodness. Such a complainer.
Every single thing mentioned “comes with the job.” Buck up or ship out.
The first question is how much you are getting paid, and is there a single month where you got paid and not the teachers?
I completely challenge the premise that tuition doesn’t cover a significant percentage of expenses.
Books are free and so is food.
Lights aren’t expensive as you use florescent lighting and little to no heat or AC is provided (at least not the students).
There is a building fund which the parents are blackmailed into paying the mortgage or rent.
If an average student pays 10000 per year, and there are let’s say 25 students in a class, that’s 250000 there.
Since the Rebbe eaks out 30000 a year, that’s plenty to pay for other teachers…….
Pure troll. Not a single thing you say is based in any sort of reality.
Where is your name? I doubt that your name is Rosh Hamosad. I’ve also been a Head of School for about 15 years now, and I don’t need anyone to feel bad for me. I’m not sure what you are looking for.
Oh please, just take a good look at what type of cars the Roshei Mosdos drive. Do your proper research to see where and how they Vacation. For some reason they are all very wealthy.
Nice office btw
I don’t believe a “Rosh Hamosod” truly wrote this letter. This letter was created to get people to start commenting, which would ultimately increase web traffic on this site (which is probably true for many other Inbox letters). A rosh Hamosod isn’t a regular job so stop complaining.
I have a awesome proposal. There should be a escrow account overseen by lawyers. All incoming payments from tuition immediately go towards the Rebbe salary and teachers salary. All leftovers go for other expenses. This way our staff gets paid on time. So if we have 30 kids in a class paying average 10k a year in lakewood that’s 300k. The Rebbes and teachers salary aren’t even half. Even if u tell me that not all pay there is tons coming in. Lastly there are schools that have built office suites and classrooms when they built the school for renters. This allows a steady income. I’m curious to know why a school with 300 kids needs three menahalim. Three associate principals. Five am secretaries three pm. Seven janitors.
I am not so sure I understand why you all assume average tuition is 10,000 and that there are 30 students in every class. There are schools that accept parents that pay 3-400 monthly when they can pay and have only 15 students in a class. There are endless expenses in a mosad.
I think recognition of the fact that this person is looking for Chizuk should be handled with sensitivity. You do not know what they are going through. Shame on you for judging.
Referring to boys high schools. Yup full tuition is 12 most pay 9 some less some nothing. On target
Most in Lakewood do NOT pay $10k a kid.
Even if it’s 3000 per child, and only 20 kids in a class (which it’s much more tuitionwise and enrollment) it’s still 60000 per class, and no Rebbe is making anywhere near that.
Where is all the extra money going?
So let’s understand for a second. You spend recklessly and we pay. Guess what practice what u preach to parents. If u don’t have money don’t pretend u do. If your parents body is OK with you renovating a warehouse and it will cost you 70 percent cheaper then do it. This is your budget. We don’t need lighting fixtures for 700 a piece and a commercial kitchen for 500 k. Get decent materials and cut costs. Your parents will thank you. For administrators its more a image issue than chinuch. When I was a kid novominsker yeshiva had their old building. It was packed. The quality of education was most important. Today we care if boys have poppers or grilled chicken for supper
Go to college, become an accountant or lawyer. Work 10 years in a big regional or national firm, using all vacation days for Yom Tov. You’ll be begging to go back your Rosh Hamosad position. You’re lacking perspective. Many live the same or harder lives as what you’ve described. Just swap out the names and titles. Welcome to life, you probably skipped that orientation as a young adult when you were spending carefree years at learning institutions and summers at camps, while those headed for professional careers were studying long hours and making many sacrifices. The professionals graduated life’s school of hard knocks in their 20’s, you’re just getting there now in your 40s or 50s.
“Rosh Hamosad”
Is that the same as school owner? Pardon my ignorance.
Please find yourself another job. If you’re not happy & finding it very difficult with your current position, please get a different job.
As a “Rosh Hamosad” myself, I will say that there are certain well said points here, and some are just ludicrous.
Is being a Rosh Hamosad lonely? Absolutely! Do we sacrifice family time? No question about it. But those of us who are committed to the Klal knew this going into the position and have no regrets. We take the beatings that come our way as yissurim b’ahava. If you can’t handle it, you should not have entered the field. However, it would be nice if once in a while the people we serve would be makir tov. Those that do express it, let me tell you, you have no idea how much chizuk it gives us. One nice comment, one email saying thank you, is worth a million dollars to us.
Now the truth is, that just like in any field, we have bad apples. Those who for whatever reason took this position, but aren’t fitting or strong enough to handle it. I can’t offer suggestions in public, other than daven that Hashem have rachmanus on your mossad and put the right people in place.
Now, where he says that tuition covers only a fraction of the costs, then the Yeshiva is being run very poorly, that’s all I can say. It is extremely expensive to educate a child in today’s regulatory climate. The Rosh Hamosad needs to figure out how to find a balance and find streams of revenue.
We all need to understand each other. To put it in perspective, think of all associated costs.
A Rebbi today needs to make at the minimum $50-60k just to cover rent on a 2 bedroom, utilities, and food; forget about all other costs of living. Then the GS teachers, who generally are underpaid, getting $30-40k. Then there’s the backend of the yeshiva. People don’t realize how much work goes into complying with state education laws now. Insurance costs for yeshiva are astronomical. Utilities, how much do you pay in a house with 6-7 living there. Now think about a building with 600-700 people. Let’s get real here and stop accusing every mossad of sucking you dry.
Are there bad actors who run mosdos? Probably. But most of the Rosh mosdos are good, dedicated individuals. I personally know a few who received nice yerushos and therefore own a few houses and drive nice cars. A few of them took yerusha money, invested it, and did very well. Do they not deserve to use their own money?
I do very often tell them to keep everything on the down low, just because of people, such as those in this commentary, who accuse them of bilking the yeshiva, but ultimately it’s their right to use their own money as they see fit.
I even know one Rosh Hamosad who enjoys nice things and has family money, who takes a minimal salary, pays for all his own personal supplies and his own office upgrades, and his spouse donates more to the yeshiva than he takes in salary.
I have a good friend who is a Rebbi, for the first decade or so of his marriage did not have children. He and his wife put very extra penny into investments and now live a very comfortable life while his wife stays home to care for the children. Should we condemn him for it?
I have a Rebbi in the yeshiva now who is a wiz with the stock market. He is a Rebbi in the morning, learns second Seder, and finds time in between to trade stocks. He happens to drive an old clunker, but enjoys his nice vacations. Is he not entitled?
Are there major problems is the system? Absolutely! Should we start to address them? Yes! But let’s be careful what we say about whom.
My schedule is similar to yours. The calls I get, The complaints that come in, the challenges that you have, the financial stress etc. We share the same. However the position that I have been in for the past 10 years not once did I ever feel what you are feeling. Realize what your purpose on this world is? To make a Kiddush hashem and ultimately gain a place in Olam Habba. There possibly can be no greater Job/ Mission then to be the support of a mosid Which gives you Many opportunities to be mekadesh she. Shomayim and hopefully Olam Habba. To fill your day by ensuring the future and the continuity of Am Yesroel should make you want to dance every day. If that’s not enough for you rather you need to feel appreciated, Recognized, thanked then Get another job. If you can’t handle the heat then get out of the kitchen And give your job to someone who will appreciate every moment As I do.
It is often said that “no one truly understands another’s struggles until they’ve walked a mile in their shoes.”
Quite an ironic opening for this post because I question if this Rosh Mosod was ever in the shoes of those who are on the oppisite side. This is the internet so I will not provide fodder for the Soney Torah by giving examples. All I will say is that some people feel that schools are the ones who don’t sufficiently take their point of view into account.