Dear Matzav Inbox,
As a young frum family, we are finding it increasingly impossible to make ends meet, even as we tighten our belts and cut back on anything that’s not absolutely essential. It’s hard to imagine how anyone in our situation is expected to save or even plan for the future when the day-to-day costs are so overwhelming.
To break it down: the basic necessities alone add up to thousands of dollars each month. Let’s start with rent—at $2,000, this is often a modest apartment in a frum neighborhood. Utilities run us about $350 a month – often more – just to keep the lights on and the heat and A/C functioning. That costs us $650 each month together. Gas and tolls for commuting to work and for the kids’ schooling adds another couple of hundred bucks. Health insurance is another $500. Then there’s the cost of groceries and other basic necessities, like toiletries, which costs us at least $500 a week.
I didn’t mention clothes, medical bills, dentist bills, life insurance, simple things like haircuts and oil changes, therapy (yes, some of our children need that), shul membership, school dinners, and other things like that.
This leaves us with only the bare essentials, no luxuries, no indulgences, and no cushion for emergencies.
But that’s not the whole picture. What about school tuition? The average cost for a frum family with 4 children or so can easily be over $2,000 per child. That’s another crushing blow to our budgets. There are also the additional costs for school supplies and uniforms.
Then there’s the hidden costs of “keeping up appearances.” How many young families can afford the necessary clothing for their children for each season? Shoes alone can cost $100 per pair, and that’s just one item in an ever-growing list of essentials. Additionally, things like newspapers/magazines, simcha gifts, and tzedakah donations add more strain.
Let’s not forget the mental and emotional toll of this relentless financial burden. The constant anxiety about making rent each month, about scraping together enough for groceries and tuition fees, creates a tension that no one should have to carry.
The question remains: How are we supposed to save any money, or even have the ability to plan for the future?
I am in my thirties, with my spouse, and we are trying to raise children as frum ehrliche Yidden, but the math simply doesn’t add up. At the end of the month, after we’ve accounted for all of these expenses, there’s nothing left. We are just getting by—and sometimes, not even that.
It’s time for a broader conversation about the crippling costs of frum family life. We need a change—a way to help families like mine, who are working hard and trying to live according to our values, but are finding it increasingly impossible to do so without falling behind. The current system is unsustainable, and we are crying out for someont to do what they can to alleviate the growing financial strain on young frum families.
We simply cannot go on like this.
Sincerely,
A Frustrated Young Parent
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Is it possible that if more young people would move to smaller “out of town ” communities that they would be better able to handle reduced expenses? Rent, utilities are generally less. Some states have vouchers for chinuch-that saves a huge bundle!! there is also less pressure to need what others have. Ther may be some disdvantages, but the quality of life and the yisuv hadaas…. and self esteem that comes from earning enough to pay your way is a major benefit.
There are many communities that have great schools.Yeshivos, etc… although not the variety that the big cities have.
I have many Talmidim who chose this route. Many were able to buy a house for 300-400 thousand dollars and pay less in mortgage and taxes than they used to pay in rent in NY or Lakewood.
As someone who moved out of town, I feel I can speak here. Our mortgages may be lower, but often our tuition is way way higher, we way more overpriced for kosher groceries. We have no stores that sell Jewish items such as clothing etc. we still have to travel to tristate to do Jewish shopping. Places that have these options are generally more expensive than in town locales. Salaries are often lower as well. So, while we do manage to make ends meet, there is no emergency cushion, and the struggles are similar.
Your are far from alone.
This is the reality all of us trying to make in the towns and cities populated by our previous generations.
In Lakewood for example, housing costs have increased over 250% in the last six years. This is partially due to the massive NIMBY movement carried by the babies who want to take the toys from the playground once they had a chance to play.
Nearly all of the other expenses mentioned have increased drastically in recent years as well.
The one cost that your mentioned that has not increased (for most people) anywhere near as much, is tuition. As much as people complain about tuition being so expensive, the average tuition collection I see at most of the schools I deal with (and I deal with the books of a lot of schools) has moved from about $3200 in roughly 2000 to $5500 in 2025.
That is not even double in a quarter century. In that same time rent has gone up by a factor of 7-10, home prices have multiplied by about six, incomes have (generally) at least doubled, and we have for the most part become more spoiled.
I’m not saying it’s easy. We are in a period where we were just hit with roughly 20-30% inflation over a couple years and incomes are still catching up.
If your get a 5% raise every year it will take the better part of a decade to catch up to what you were making before the inflation we experienced in the recent years.
The problem is that life is not sustainable if the husbands are looked at as inferior if they work out side of the chinuch field. And do not learn a skill that allows for a decent paying job. And that is also the answer. The system is broken and the rabbis need to fix it.
There are programs like RSK or Living Smarter Jewish that can help you get a better handle on your finances and to be able to better to control your finances, what you are saying is very true and costs are increasing especially as we get older and out Famil grows, however once I started managing my money with a budget 4-5 years ago, my finances have turned around drastically and I have seen lots of siatta dishmaya.
Live within your means and know your numbers and have some discipline when it comes to spend… and obviously having a decent income helps. But it’s not only income… it’s all about money management.
To clarify.. there are always unfortunately going to be people who don’t make it, but I believe that a very large percentage of the financial problems people face would go away if they would simply manage their money better, live responsibly, and get rid of the credit cards that prevent us all from living responsibly within our means.
move out of town
It’s time for people to really consider out of town. Waterbury has seen tens of bnei torah move there over the last few years as well as many other cities. My friend there just bought a 5 bedroom home for 360k and he is thrilled there.
I feel your pain. Maybe someone should arrange a system for the middle class to have sales the same way the bnei yeshiva have sales to make it a bit easier
oy im sorry for your pain
The current definitions of necessity and luxury are drastically different than in past generations. That yields inflation for consumers with prices remaining steady. The frowning upon someone that seeks a career outside of chinuch has got to stop. It wrecks homes and families, and it not expected by Torah value to be universal. Check out the Gemorah (Berachos 36b) where the disagreement between Rabi Shimon Bar Yochai and Rabi Yishmael is spelled out. Many tried to follow Rabi Shimon and failed. Many tried Rabi Yishmael and succeeded. Klai Kodesh are needed. So are doctors, accountants, contractors, plumbers, roofers, etc. Hiding behind learning to avoid other responsibilities is not the derech of Torah.
Times are hard for many. The problem is complex. We need to take certain risks to push through.
President Trump will very soon be’ez”H implement NESARA / GESARA and its benefits which will lead to prosperity for all people.
I missed the following
1. what is your income?
2. Do you get government assistance?
Did you try making a go fundme page?
i know the situation here but what about eretz israel. whats going on over there
Maybe ask the AI computer who generated you (or at least the picture) to solve the problem.
In seriousness, this article seems to contradict my theory that all AI images on Matzav.com represent ‘fake articles.’ This problem is very real…