Matzav Inbox: The Sick Obsession With Money in Our Communities

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Dear [email protected],

I am writing to express my frustration with the constant emphasis on money in our frum society. It seems that everywhere I turn in the frum world, people are talking about how much money others have, whether they are bragging about their own wealth or gossiping about the wealth of others.

Not only is this kind of talk tacky and distasteful, it also perpetuates the harmful belief that one’s worth in this velt, this transient Olam Hazeh, is directly tied to their financial status. This mentality is not only untrue, but it also leads to feelings of inadequacy and dissatisfaction among those who may not have as much money.

Furthermore, this constant focus on money distracts us from more important issues and values. It is time for us as a society to shift our priorities and focus on the things that truly matter.

I urge this website to use your platform to raise awareness about the negative effects of this kind of talk and to promote a more positive and healthy perspective on wealth and success.

Sincerely,

A Regular Yid


40 COMMENTS

  1. Is this a joke you how much it costs to live a bring up a Jewish family minimum $250k a year to get by etc not to live high end so its constantly on everyone mind to make it…..

  2. I’m not sure where you live because I don’t feel that way. Teenagers are always obsessing about money and I guess also those that never grew up. After spending some time in Eretz Yisroel I noticed it’s way worse there. How much or how little money people have, how much things cost and if people can afford things are a regular conversation. It’s interesting because it comes from being less materialistic in Eretz Yisroel but manifested into people talking more about money.

  3. So True!! I listen to my kids and their friends talk and the esteem the super wealthy have in their eyes is frightening ( and no, my kids lack for nothing and b”h I’m well off financially). Talking about what others have is really based on Kina when you get down to it’s core.

  4. Someone went to the Steipler zt’l and was concerned abt making ppl jealous of him with his big new house… The Steipler asked him how much he learns… and what he knows baal peh… When the answer was in the negative, the Steipler told him there’s nothing to be jealous of you.

  5. I personally don’t talk about other people’s wealth, and I don’t gossip about this topic, and I don’t hear my friends gossiping about other people’s wealth.

    No offense, and I am sure that the writer has good intentions, but auther of this article should seek a new circle of friends?

  6. חזל teach that בכל מאדך means that there are those who money is more beloved to them than their being. It would be inconceivable had they not taught this truism. As this is the fact, how to deal with those who are part of that group is the question? Acknowledging the reality is the first course of action.

    • Ha, now THATS not true.
      As an “in-towner” (Brooklyn) who’s always been told that “your more like an ‘out of towner'”, and eventually marrying a wonderful girl from one of the towns you mentioned, I can tell you that what you are saying is 100% false.

      I have come to find that EVERY place has those who will be into Money, looks, smarts, position, over substance. Its human nature. Even you, in your regard to “in towners”, come across as “morally superior”. It might not be money that gets you, but is it really different?

      The point is, what you are machshiv is what you will classify people as, but if you know them personally you dont put them in a specific class.
      And while when you have a smaller community that knows each other on a personal level, there is less “classification”, that benefit erodes quickly with population growth, as soon as people stop knowing each other.

  7. The sick obsession with money is not only in our community but its in the leaders, politicians, doctors, journalists, in governments, etc. How else would they have been able to control the population with their lying media of their fake virus and then inject toxic chemicals into millions of people?

  8. Don’t hold your breath waiting for the situation to change. The problem starts from the TOP down. The leaders or our frum community give Kavod to $$ and ignore most of the rest of us. Unless and until the LEADERS take a very public and forceful stand, nothing will change. If the LEADERS stop going to the chasunahs and don’t allow the machers to get to the head of the line while so many people are waiting to talk to them MAYBE something might change. So long as the machers can buy the best seats for the siyyum hashas and so long as the Leaders make sure to show up at the chasunahs and bar mitzvahs of the machers but ignore the rest of us, then NOTHING will change.

    OP: Don’t waste your time. $$ is ALL that counts

    • SO…. no it doesnt. I always tell people when they say “society today….” that WE ARE SOCIETY!
      It DOESNT start from the top. If it did, everyone would be LEARNING and not care about other “prestigious” things.
      The reality is, money is revered because people ON THE BOTTOM see it as the vehicle to success and pleasure. But YOU can change that, by, get this, ACCORDING OTHERS RESPECT!

      If you look in Igeres haRamban he writes there that one must respect wealthy people for their position in society.
      Because it is THEY that give the fuel to light the candles!

      The issue is not that people accord respect to “wealthy” people. The issue is that people are Jealous of that respect.
      If, from the BOTTOM UP, we can learn to be happy with what we have, we will have self respect. When we have self respect, we can easily respect others. And when that is the reality, you will find the whole problem doesnt exist.

  9. Thats because money for Frum people is the tangible form of oxygen. The issues and values we we live for DEPEND on money. Jews need money for survival in this country. We need bigger homes for larger families, bigger cars, have to pay for high priced kosher food, money for tuition etc. These arent luxuries but necessities. Im not talking about extravagant Im talking basic.

  10. A) Money makes the world go round. Without it, you cant live.
    B) Most in the frum world do not earn enough to support their family in the expensive lives that we live. It is a constant worry.
    C) Luxury living is being pushed at us – often from savvy frum businesses, and keeping up with the Cohen is a real thing.
    D) Most Yeshivos don’t teach or provide the tools to earn a parnosa, just push sitting in kollel for as long as possible – but then demand high tuition payments from struggling parents.

  11. Regular Yid:

    I do sympathize with you. There is a reality that many of us need to contend with, even though reluctantly. Without money, your life can be miserable. I’m not referring to wealth. Just money. I would hope that our yeshivos could address the traits of sincerity and virtue in their recognition of their donors and parent bodies. But they don’t. They need to shower the honors on the wealthy. Why? Bcause they need to generate money. If you check their books, they are not rolling in wealth. They are trying to make ends meet, and cope with inflation. The collectors of tzedokoh are desperate, and they come to us from far and wide to help them out.

    I bet there are the greedy ones among them. I bet there are frum Yidden who are less generous than we believe they should be. There are those who flaunt their wealth. But most of us are not there. WE may enjoya luxury or two occasionally. But we, middle class, are focusing on earning enough to provide. And the yeshiva system has made things even testier for us. We need to offer high tuition to get our kids admitted. We need to cope with their fundraisers every few weeks. And they tell us that we need to support our sons and sons-in-law in kollel. SHould we not extend ourselves to earn more money?

    Your mailbag letter is incredibly focused like a microscope on one thing only. If the bigger picture is ignored, this looks terrible. But you need to open yourself up to the whole picture. Klal Yisroel has its problems. This isn’t the main thing. Sorry, but I would not give your letter a “like”.

  12. Find some talmidei chachomim to get close to & you’ll hear loftier ideals. No point writing letters putting down a whole group of people of which you know very few. You weren’t elected to be the Magid that delivers mussar to us. You might just be a troll or seeking clickbait for a commision.

  13. Jerusalem Talmud, tractate Yoma, chapter 1, law 1, page 4B:

    Rabbi Yochanan ben Tortota taught:

    “…During the era of the Second Temple,
    the Jews labored to study Torah,
    and they were careful with [all] mitzvot and tithes,
    and every kind of good deed was found in them.

    However, [the Second Temple was destroyed
    in the year 70 of the Common Era]
    because they loved money and hated each other.”

    NOTE: Please save this quote to your computer, for future reference.

  14. Money always WAS, always IS and always WILL be a issue in our community.
    Don’t kid yourself. One MUST work very hard to rid themselves of this Tayvah.

  15. Tosefta, tractate Menachot, last chapter (13), end of last paragraph (4):

    But [concerning] the Second Temple in Jerusalem
    we recognize that they labored in Torah [study]
    and they were careful with tithes [maaserot],
    so why were they exiled [from the Land of Israel,
    and the Second Temple destroyed]?

    Because they loved money and hated each other.

    NOTE: Please save this quote to your computer, for future reference.

  16. Kli Yakar commentary on Devarim, chapter 2, verse 3:

    “If an Israelite in exile enjoys some small success,
    then he must hide it and conceal it completely from Eysav,
    because they are more jealous of Israel than any other nation,
    because according to their understanding,
    everything [that Israelites own] was stolen from them…”

  17. You must be hanging around the wrong crowd if everywhere you turn in the frum world, people are talking about how much money others have, whether they are bragging about their own wealth or gossiping about the wealth of other.

    The only time -if ever- that I hear people talking about other peoples money is when some guy makes a very obvious ostentatious show of his wealth.

  18. Me loves me money. I eat steaks, get a new car every year, hop over to Israel few times a year, give loads of tzedakah, eat out a lot, own huge sukkah. What more could a Yid ask for?

  19. Hashem has always provided for me and my family. We are always satisfied with all we have. There were times years ago when my wife and I ate baked potatoes for dinner because we couldn’t afford meat or fish. There were times when we had to share a car and I took a bus to work. We lived in an apartment with our child for many years and had to walk 2 miles to shul on Shabbos. I can go on but I won’t. We were and still are satisfied with whatever Hashem gives us. No regrets.

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