Dear Matzav Inbox,
I don’t usually write letters, but at some point some things become to much even for me.
There is a certain breed of fellow or gal in our communities who cannot take one step in life without informing the entire world about it on WhatsApp status. Every move. Every stop. Every simcha. Every coffee. Every restaurant. Every time he (or she) leaves his house, you can be sure we’ll all know about it within minutes.
Bar mitzvah? Status. Vort? Status. Wedding? Ten statuses. First the selfie in the car. Then the walking-into-the-hall shot. Then the “standing under the chandelier pretending to look thoughtful” pose. Then the forced grin with the baal simcha — who, by the way, often has no interest in this embarrassment. Then the table shot. Then the dessert shot. Then the selfie with the singer shot. Then the drive-home shot, like we were all sitting in the backseat waiting.
One word: pathetic.
And it’s always the same ridiculous poses. The chin slightly up, like he’s some kind of choshuve personality. The arm half-extended selfie, angled just enough so you can see the hall name in the background, in case anyone missed where he was. The “caught mid-conversation” look, as if someone just interrupted him while he was saying something profound. Or the classic: staring off to the side, pretending he didn’t notice the camera — even though he’s the one holding it.
Let’s be honest: you look stupid.
Nobody is impressed. Nobody thinks you’re living some incredible life because you managed to attend another bar mitzvah in a mirrored hall with gold chairs. We’ve all been there. It’s not Versailles. It’s a simcha. Mazel tov. Move on.
And what exactly are you trying to show? That you know people? That you were invited? That you eat out? That you leave your house? This isn’t high society. This is not chashivus. This is not confidence. This is insecurity with a front-facing camera.
There was a time when people went to a simcha, shook hands, wished mazel tov, sat down like a normal human being, and went home. No performance. No documentation. No need to prove to the world that he exists. No need to post a status with the singer and band.
Today, some people can’t even say mazel tov properly because they’re too busy angling the phone so the chandelier and some celebrity gvir is centered behind their head.
And don’t get me started on the restaurant statuses. The plate shot. The drink shot. The “casually holding the fork” shot. As if anyone is sitting there thinking, Wow, he ordered chicken and rice — what a life. Or the inevitable captionless selfie, because apparently the image of his face next to a steak is supposed to speak for itself.
Is this really how you want people to remember you? As the guy who documented every dopey thing he did? As the one who thought that being constantly seen meant being important? As the fellow whose entire identity is a series of statuses that disappear after 24 hours — which is fitting, because that’s about how much substance there is to it.
You are not building a reputation. You are not creating memories.
You are advertising emptiness.
Not even hashkafically, there is something very empty about this obsession with being seen. About turning life into a running show. About confusing presence with purpose. A little privacy, a little dignity, a little self-respect used to be normal. Now it seems like if it wasn’t posted, it didn’t happen.
Here’s a suggestion: put the phone away. Live the moment. Let a simcha be a simcha, not a photo shoot. Let people wonder where you were. Let your life speak quietly for itself.
And if you absolutely must take a selfie, at least spare us the chandelier.
S. M. R.
To submit a letter to appear on Matzav.com, email MatzavInbox@gmail.com
DON’T MISS OUT! Join the Matzav Status by CLICKING HERE. Join the Matzav WhatsApp Groups by CLICKING HERE.
The opinions expressed in letters on Matzav.com do not necessarily reflect the stance of the Matzav Media Network.
with ai you can even make believe you took the selfie with some rosh yeshiva (you dont have to actually take the selfie either!) if you think we are stupid enough to think said RY posed for a selfie with you.
I’m sensing some jealousy in this post.
Grow up and start finding some positivity in the world. This mentality of nonstop bashing over every stupid thing won’t get you very far in life.
People post statuses like this because they enjoy it, or because it makes them feel special and seen—so why do you have to come along and bash that?
The people who bash things are a bigger problem than the people they’re bashing.
Do these people personally bother you?
Have a great day. Think positive.
why do you think he’s jealous? I don’t. I agree with every word. The only difference between us is that I don’t have a smartphone or social media so I don’t have to see those dumb posts/status.
Wherever I go, I see poeple taking all those seelfies in this article and the writer is right-nobody cares.
Hey Michanich in chief thou protesteth to much …who cares what other people post don’t look and the Roman candle going of in your insides will dissipate … focus on your on inadequacies ..fix yourself and the you will feel a lot better
My thoughts exactly.
If someone is not interested in the details of his friend’s life… he has the option not to look at his Whatsapp status. Why look at it and complain about it?
ummmmm and why do we need all the pictures in our weekly newspapers of random people doing random things…… Askanim smiling at a Melave malka, 2 people at some Bar Mitzvah, etc….pages and pages!!
Look at me! I’m with a gvir
Now here’s me with a chandelier
Look at me! Don’t call me nebby
Here’s me with the great, grand Rebbi
Stop it with your silly fussin’
Look! Here’s me! I’m with the chosson
Here’s my prime rib that’s been plated
Now I’m bentching, I’ve been sated
Watch me jumping! Watch me prancing
See the cool new dance I’m dancing
You know I’m special at a glance
‘Cause every simcha I enhance
You want the celebrants delighted?
It’s easy! Make sure I’m invited
It’s good for shidduchim purposes. No more need to feel self conscious when entering a packed Friday night minyan davening in your local Shul, where everyone is trying to out-yeshivish the next guy. Even a grubbeh baal habas can ask the Rav a kasha in middle of his Shiur in order to look chashuv.
And how many hours did this take to make up?
Great job with the rhythm and rhyme. Great point too.
S. M. R. GET A LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To the letter writer.
1. Turn off your Whatsapp
2. Go see a therapist.
There, I fixed all your problems in under 30 seconds.
So true. Even in the newspaper there are all the selfie pictures at Simchas .
“You” stop giving them attention!
“You” get off status!
Change Yourself – and You have changed the world!
Dear SMR
Here is a modest suggestion.
If it bothers you so much there is a simple cure for the problem.
Just stop watching the stuff. You will stop being annoyed and the perpetrators will continue to post their lives on line regardless of how empty a lot of us think it is.
Someone wrote a thoughtful article and based on the comments, it looks like it hit a nerve with some people
I was not even aware of the extent as I do not have Whattsapp!! Kosher cell restricts which apps I can have. I guess the next letter should be about yidden wasting their time on WhatsApp and especially obsessing over everyone’s statuses. You sound just as nebach as them. Not trying to knock you rather returning the favor. Aiy what am I doing on matzav and commenting to boot?! I have my work cut out for me. Everyone on their level.
Read all the comments above.
When you can’t answer the post, attack the person posting.
we need a kol koreh banning this.
The only reason why people post so frequently is because they see the goyim do this, and they want to be like the goyim. “V’nihyeh k’chol hagoyim” which is a problem following hte Yidden for generations going back to Saul Hamelech.
If as a community we would label excessive posting and updating as a “goyishe thing,” because that’s what it is,then people would stop doing it.
To all those bashing the writer: It’s apparent from your hatred that you all know the writer hit the nail on the head and you’re embarrassed to admit you own guilt to this problem. Pathetic!
Why don’t you be dan licaf zchus?
Thanks for a thought-provoking letter.
It”s sad when you can’t empathize with happy people.
If someone is not interested in the details of his friend’s life… he has the option not to look at his Whatsapp status. Why look at it and complain about it?
Perhaps this fellow really has nobody who cares about his life, or nobody to come home to altogether. Loneliness is a terrible thing. If posting on Whatsapp status is his way of expressing himself, of validating his reality, then I’m happy for him that he figured out a way to do that. Everyone needs validation.
It doesn’t sound like he’s hurting anyone in his quest to be relevant.
If anyone is impacted negatively, they ought to tell him directly how they feel, so that he can learn discretion.
Man is not meant to be alone. If you really care about him, call him on his phone and invite him to spend time with you.
If you can impress upon him that he is valuable to you, and that you enjoy his company, perhaps he will stay present and develop your relationship.
Or perhaps, he has a very different personality and he doesn’t enjoy your company, your past times, and your style.
I don’t have any social media, no WhatsApp, no Instagram, etc., but totally agree with the letter-writer.
Many people live through their phones and social media accounts, rather than living the actual moment and experiences of their life.
And after that snapshot, does anyone ever see it again?
Once upon a time, families and friends enjoyed periodically paging through the same photo albums together. And now with all the videos and photos, how often does anyone look at them ever again?