Dear Matzav Inbox,
There is something deeply disturbing with the way we, as a frum community, enforce “rules.” Everyone knows it. Some are just too afraid to say it out loud. I’m sorry if this letter hurts because it says the straight truth.
We live in a world where every move is scrutinized. Every family, every individual, every institution is judged by the unwritten codes of what’s acceptable. Heaven forbid you should step out of line in hashkafah, chinuch, or social standards. Break one of those “sacred” boundaries and the kannaim and askanim descend like vultures. The whispers start. The meetings are convened. Suddenly, you are an outcast.
And yet, when the topic changes to money—fundraising, tzedakah, business, some new “initiative”—suddenly all those sacred rules that we’re told cannot ever be bent, all the laws of propriety and “communal standards” that are supposedly ironclad, melt away like butter in the sun. What was “assur” yesterday is now “permitted.” What was unthinkable suddenly becomes a “kiddush Hashem.”
We are told constantly that there are red lines we cannot cross. That there are rules meant to “protect us.” Rules that, if broken, bring communal death sentences. But watch what happens when a wealthy man writes a check, or when an organization wants to launch a fundraising drive, or when a tzedakah fund needs to fill its coffers. Magically, the red lines shift. Magically, the rules vanish.
The hypocrisy is breathtaking. A boy can be rejected from a yeshiva because of the color of his father’s shirt, because his parents are divorced, or because his parents don’t fit the exact mold. Families are crushed by decisions that come down from on high in the name of “standards.” But when that same institution needs to raise a million dollars in forty-eight hours, suddenly they’ll parade singers, dancers, gimmicks, shtick—anything goes, so long as the money comes in.
We are lectured endlessly about modesty, about humility, about avoiding gaavah and excess. Yet when it’s time for a fundraising event — locally or across the ocean — nothing is too flashy, no display is too extravagant, no indulgence too out-of-place—as long as it “brings in money.” And the people who a week earlier were policing everyone else’s behavior now beam with pride, slap on the title of “kavod haTorah,” and call it holy.
Ask yourself: When did money become the ultimate heter? When did checks become the key that unlocks every locked door? How did we arrive at a place where breaking rules is unforgivable—unless you can pay for the privilege?
It is quite bothersome to watch how easily we excuse what should never be excused. If an individual dared to cross certain communal red lines in any other context, he’d be destroyed. But if he does it for a fundraising campaign, he’s praised as creative, innovative, even heroic. If a person defies accepted norms in daily life, he’s shunned. If an organization does it to raise dollars, it’s applauded.
The message is clear, and it is poisonous: money sanctifies everything. Hakesef yaaneh es hakol. Money cleanses every stain. Money excuses every breach. Rules are for the little people, for those who don’t have the means to buy themselves out of them.
And so, the very “guardians” of our community—the ones who claim to be safeguarding our hashkafah, protecting our standards, defending our values—become the enablers of the worst hypocrisy. They terrorize the weak while winking at the powerful. They police regular families with an iron fist while giving endless leeway to whoever can sign a check.
We like to pretend we are ruled by principle. But the truth is uglier. We are ruled by money. And the fact that so many people know this and still keep silent only deepens the rot.
It should make every thinking person’s stomach turn. Because once the standard becomes “rules don’t matter if the dollars add up,” then what’s left of the rules? What’s left of the integrity? What’s left of the emes?
A Fundraiser
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yeshivas are headed by Daas Torah and this implicitly attacks Daas Torah who know better as is known we cannot question Daas Torah. If they say black is while than black is white and only a kofer would question this.
Unfortunately most Yeshivos today are not run by Daas Torah but by a bunch of businessmen
Were you born yesterday? This is the way it’s always been even in Europe.
There is nothing new that’s going on money talks and everything else walks.
It’s our tradition
actually, its not. this letter comes from a complete lack of perspective. Money certainly isn’t the be all and end all, not for the people I know anyway. There are 3 possible reasons you think what you do.
1. You picked the wrong people to hang with
2. You have a hard time understanding others perspective
3. You misunderstand the difference between aspirations, goals, and standards.
False. There were always straightshooters. And We built here in America last century to be better. Unfortunately we have been sold down the river.
How many times will you leave the same senseless comment?
until people do teshuva and stop questioning Daas Torah, this is how the reform started by questioning things.
The ones that have true daas torah would never have a mixed seating concert with alcohol served in the name of a siyum in the 9 days. The writer is referring to those who’s standards are double. The administrators wife has a long sheitel but we don’t accept that element. We are anti internet but set up a website for donations. We ban smart phone but the entire hanhalla has with Facebook and Instagram open so they can get donors. No double standard.
This letter is so spot on, it’s scary.
And those who argue with it, or say to stop being negative, or to stop with the kitrug just means that they are not aware of just how true it is.
This letter needed to be written, so thank youu for doing so and for speaking for the 90% quiet majority of Jews.
Enough is enough of the double standard.
Does anyone even kbow ir remember the shocking message DIRECTLY FROM HASHEM of why the market crashed in 2008 AND IS AGAIN CRASHING WITH INFLATION?
THE MESSAGE:
Why is the economy so bad today? Why is the whole world going down? For the past thousands of years there was always Avoda zara in the world-from the molech to the baal to the asheira tree etc…-todays avoda zara is MONEY, we are a servant to money, we serve money, we bow down to money, we let money talk & rule us. Thus we leave Hashem no choice but to take it away from us Rachmana L’tzlan. But you can still save yourself from going down. if a person can use his money the right way & remember that it all comes from Hashem & it was just loaned to him (even though he worked for it), then he is the perfect person to continue holding Hashem’s money.
Nothing will change.
I have been a fundraiser for a few organizations (working for my 3rd). I have found that the truly successful ones in the long run are the ones that have clearly defined values and that stick to them through thick and thin.
That goes for service they provide and how they provide it.
The money come in from finding those donors that believe in their values and cause and for showing them that they are making it happen. The person who has the money isn’t a fool, he made it big for a reason. And he wants to feel like he is doing something worthwhile, not throwing money down the tubes.
Sometimes he wants the Kavod, but more often than not he realizes that it isn’t going to last more than a few moments and won’t give the millions for it. Maybe just a slightly larger check.
All the fanfare, parties and entertainers are just a distraction for the few people who give pennies…
Dear letter writer,
Thank you for your excellent points. I look forward to bringing them before HKB”H this Rosh Hashana when it is time for me to offer kitrugum against Klal Yisroel.
Sincerely yours,
ס”ם
This is a great way to show how bad this letter is! Thank you! Quiet humurous!
Excellent point and excellent way of making that point. Skoyach!
Welcome to reality. It’s the history of the world.
Your perspective is plain wrong
A. no one gets kicked out for divorce or their fathers shirt. That is hyperbole and an immature smear.
B. There arent “rules you cant cross” There are standards. And the Yeshivas job is to inculcate an appreciation for thos standards. That is the job of a Yeshiva, but only you can decide to accept or reject it.
C. A parent or student who flaunts the yeshivas standards is not getting “kicked out because of a blue shirt”, there are many wonderful people who wear such and almost every yeshiva agrees to that! But if the parent is showing opposition to a yeshivas standards, then that yeshiva isnt FOR them.
A tailor cant set up shop in the gym.
D. Yeshivos have the unenvious duty to have to connect to those who can support their institution. This means meeting them at their level, with affairs that resonate with them.
Many times this isnt the standard and Ideals that the Yeshiva aspires its products to attain, but that is hardly the point of a fundraiser is it?! The idea is to connect to people on a different standard, and give them an appreciation of the goals the yeshiva is trying to accomplish. Hence, no hypocrisy. Its just everyone having their place!
Thank you!
You mean “flouts’ the yeshiva’s standards.
If that was what it is- from a distance ,then perhaps. But who are you kidding
It takes a special talent to write so many words sentences and paragraphs without giving not one example of what it’s about, all beaming with drama, fire and brimstone, packed with feeling and emotion, overflowing with zeolocy and piety – but no case, even or episode to channel all those feelings to.
AMES VYATZIV!
Please translate your message
I don’t think you will get any resolution from this post. You will definitely cause hate and anger to stir.
ABSOLUTELY RIGHT! IS THIS WHAT WE NEED DURING ELLUL?? 2 DAYS AFTER A HORRIFIC TERROR ATTACK IN ISRAEL??
Superb Piece. So sorry,This is the best chance we got
Is this regards in regards to anything specific, or just a general complaint?
Airing all these grievances won’t change anything & makes a chilul Hashem.
It makes us look bad.
Great letter. Spot on.
Let me boil it down for you: SMARTPHONES are assur! Period, end of story! Anyone with a smartphone is a rasha mirusha worse than Haman and Esav combined and is going straight to gehenom forever. None of his offspring should be allowed into any mainstream Yeshiva liolam vaeid. No one should be mishadech with any of his/her offspring. Better to remain an older bitter single than to ch”v marry someone who’s parents own a smartphone.
Now, if you’re a donor………oh, oops. Forget what I said. Everything is cool.
well, if anyone said the first part of the message, you’d be correct at the outrage. Sadly, it was you who has a lack of understanding, not the Yeshivos who are wrong.
Hint: Give to organizations who give a pitch you like.
If you drill a hole it sinks the whole ship too
Is this the type of letter we need 2 weeks before Rosh Hashona? 2 days after a horrific terror attack that killed 6 frum yidden in Erets Yisroel? Mr fundraiser, couldn’t this letter wait until after Sukkos? Or never at all??
There are different schools for different crowds. You can’t enroll your ur kids in any chassidic yeshiva where the mother drives or bar mitvah kids wear colored shirts. Some areas you can’t use the mikveh if your head is not shaven. But you can find yeshivas that are more modern or litvish. Smart phones if filtered are ok to use from for business people. In certain parts of Israel it could be a problem. But in America where many are millionaires a smart phone is a necessity. Some places you can’t park without a smart phone.
But for cash ww bend our principles. Money overrides hashkafa. The same Rosh hamosad who scolded anyone with internet had no problem making a charidy campain. Let’s be erluch and not 2 faced.
Stop with the mussar already. “Every Yid’s a big zadik”, that is a theme song of our KMH-TYH chevreh.
Get ready for the kumzitzes on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. Instead of אבינו מלכנו חטאנו, sing and substitute Every Yid’s a big tzadik. No need for mussar anymore, you are so old-fashioned.
Hey, look. It’s the easy way out and it’s a “feel good” derech.
You forgot to mention that “Hashem NEEDS every Yid”. Hashem needs our mitzvos. Every Yid’s a big zadik and NEVER mention anything negative. For this Shabbos, please skip Krias HaTorah (Tochachah)
Then we will keep crashing ,you fool.