Dear Matzav Inbox,
I am a regular viewer of Matzav and benefit greatly from its informative and inspiring content.
The Inbox feature, in particular, is a powerful tool. Given its wide readership, it holds tremendous potential—and with that comes great responsibility.
I offer the following feedback with humility and respect. Over the past thirty-seven years, as Menahel of Ohr Somayach Monsey, I have interviewed, taught, and counseled over forty thousand Jews. I’ve heard firsthand their impressions and those of their secular friends and relatives regarding the Orthodox Jewish community.
Some letters in the Inbox are deeply meaningful. They offer timely warnings, valuable insights in sensitivity training, and even poignant Mussar from gedolim urging us toward improvement—all written with dignity and respect.
However, some submissions are little more than angry, personal rants—resentful tirades from individuals clearly grappling with their own issues. These writers often choose to project their pain onto Klal Yisroel, highlighting every flaw they can find in others while ignoring their own shortcomings. And yet, they are given a very public platform to do so, creating a massive chilul Hashem.
Having spoken with countless individuals seeking employment, I can almost guarantee that the person who described the entire Lakewood community as a “charpa and busha” is not out of work simply because people are refusing to help him. But he is most certainly guilty of a tremendous chilul Hashem.
Matzav is read not only by frum Yidden, but also by non-religious Jews and non-Jews alike. What kind of impression is made when they read such inflammatory and deeply negative portrayals of our community—especially when they are factually inaccurate, as I happen to know in this case?
When a clearly unbalanced person pens an article titled “Why I Hate Everyone,” lists every perceived flaw in Klal Yisroel, and is then given a public platform for it, I would not want to be in the shoes of those who enabled that public defamation of our people.
Were I to meet the author of that letter privately, I might have been able to offer guidance, as I’ve done for many like him. But after such a public attack on Klal Yisroel, I’m not even sure I would be willing to meet with him.
There are respectful and constructive ways to share criticism or suggest improvement. But phrases like “disgusting,” “nauseating,” or “a blasted word of Torah” are beyond the pale. Even when points of critique carry some truth, the tone of venom and derision renders them unfit for publication.
Allow me to reference the Haftorah of Parshas Yisro. Yeshayahu refers to Klal Yisroel as “am t’mei sefosayim”—and is punished severely for it. The message is clear.
Shaarei Teshuvah (2:17) quotes Shlomo HaMelech as saying that only fools seek out the faults of others.
The Sfas Emes offers a powerful insight: the only difference between oneg (delight) and nega (affliction) is the placement of the letter ayin. If one’s ayin—one’s perspective—is tov, up front, life is filled with oneg. But if one’s ayin is ra, always looking behind with a negative eye, life becomes a nega.
There’s an old story about a wise woman who sat at the entrance of her town. A newcomer asked, “What kind of people live here?” She replied, “What kind of people were in your last town?” “They were vicious, cruel, and hard-hearted,” he said. “Then that’s what you’ll find here,” she responded. Later, another newcomer asked the same question. She asked him the same in return. “They were kind, sweet, and generous,” he said. “Then that’s exactly what you’ll find here,” she replied.
In the second perek of Pirkei Avos, Rabbi Yochanan ben Zakkai’s five talmidim are listed. Why was he the only one to merit disciples who carried the mesorah of Torah Sheba’al Peh? The answer is in the Mishnah: “Hu hayah moneh shevacham”—he constantly praised them. That is how greatness is nurtured.
It would be a tremendous zechus for you to consider these ideas when reviewing submissions to the Inbox. In doing so, Matzav can continue to be an unwavering source of strength, clarity, and unity for Klal Yisroel.
Please know that it is not my intent to offend. I share these thoughts only out of care and concern.
With respect and appreciation,
A.B.
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The opinions expressed in letters on Matzav.com do not necessarily reflect the stance of the Matzav Media Network.
Excellent excellent letter. Thank you for writing. I would hope that Matzav will take a lesson from you and be more careful with the hate filled/ lashon hora filled “rants”.
In the first part of your letter you pose as someone not trying to stifle legitimate criticism and mussar, rather just objecting to things like inappropriate tone and untruths.
Later on, however, you oppose all criticism, and say that people should only look for/at good, as if that will fix everything.
Now if you want to go through life wearing rose colored glasses, and imagining that we have no problems, that is your choice, but other people live in the real world, and need to deal with major problems. It is not appropriate for people like you to try to shush and muzzle them when they bring up serious concerns, legitimate points that urgently need addressing.
Wow! Incredible letter. I share the choshuve writer’s sentiments, and commend him for his eloquent, thoughtful and Torahdige way of writing it.
Very well said. I agree 1000%. The platforms need to be more discerning in which letters they choose to publish
Rabbi A.B is a true hero of Klal Yisroel, selflessly advising others for so many years. He should be blessed with Arichas Yomim vishonim & to continue sharing his Torah. So refreshing to read this letter.
So, so true; and so, so, sad.
The content out there online is so full of negativity, hate, slander, and disrespect it’s easy to become immune to it all and even become complicit in its dissemination.
As one of the Torah observing platforms out there Matzav (and all the others as well) ought to do a better job of filtering commentary. I think there was more vigilance in this regard years back, but it has gotten looser over the years as is the case with most things that need diligence and effort.
Thank you for your thoughtful letter. I believe many would resonate with your feelings, and it’s clear that you’re coming from a place of sincerity and concern. That said, I think it’s important to recognize the power of words and how differently they can be interpreted by others.
I must admit I found one line in particular troubling: “But after such a public attack on Klal Yisroel, I’m not even sure I would be willing to meet with him.”
As someone who presents themselves as a guide to others, that sentiment feels deeply unsettling. Yes — perhaps he was wrong. Perhaps he should have been more sensitive or chosen his words more carefully. But where is your sensitivity?
Do we know if the person who wrote those words was experiencing pain, loss, or hardship? Did he lose a loved one, a job, or suffer something we can’t see? “Anochi Imo b’Tzarah” — to be with someone in their pain — means not jumping to judgment. All of us have good days and difficult days.
If you’re truly someone who helps others professionally, then it should have been clear that the writer was crying out — not attacking. When someone expresses hurt, even if clumsily, the response shouldn’t be rejection. On the contrary, it’s precisely in those moments that we are called to rise above and show compassion. That’s the mark of real leadership and true professionalism.
With respect and hope for better understanding
IS
That letter writer was DESPERATE for help.
Love this letter. Totally agree.
Silly letter.
Till there is a better means of transparency or way of getting a message out. Put guilt on those who puppeteer the system