No One Engaged: Bnei Brak Seminary Class Shidduch Crisis

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shidduchimThe girls in one class in a prestigious girls’ seminary in Bnei Brak are worried about a shidduch crisis.  While dozens of girls from other classes are already successfully matched, none of the girls in the class has gotten engaged since the beginning of the year.

The 19-year-old girls study in a post high-school track in the seminary.

The girls believe the crisis is punishment for insulting a classmate. They believe the grudge the girl holds against her friends has brought a curse upon them.

A group of frantic parents turned to Rav Aharon Leib Shteinman and shared this theory with him. Rav Shteinman reportedly said that crimes between men, or in this case women, are severe and that the girls must make sure that from now on they do not hurt anyone else.

A family member of one of the girls told Ynet that the girls in the class decided to seek reconciliation with the friend and read the entire Sefer Tehillim in search of a yeshuah – and a shidduch.

{Kooty Newscenter}


  1. Who am I to say???? but If they improve their Tznius they have a much better chance of getting engaged sooner.

  2. Shidduchim is one of the most profound problems facing Klaal Yisroel in America , Israel and in all jewish communities, from age 20 until 90(and above).

    Why is it not possible after Yom Tov to convene a gathering (even via hook up through the internet) to address this issue.

    Families that have existed for generations are facing extinction in our era.

    It is a silent holocaust.

    May Hashem remember us for good and blessing this yom tov.

  3. All they have to do is ask mechila
    I would also suggest them spreading the word of sholom and teach everyone about BULLING which is very common in the FRUM schools who teach torah but not derech eretz!

  4. Don’t apologies have to be sincere? If they’re only “apologizing” because they’re afraid of not getting shidduchim then it’s adding hypocrisy to cruelty.

  5. Your headline is misleading. It’s not a Shidduch crises, it’s a bein adom lechaveiro issue! There was a famous story of similar details, a number of years ago, where Rav Avigdor Miller ZT”L came to the same conclusion. The class had imbarresed their teacher birabim & a lot of tradgidy’s were happening to the girls! They came to the realization of what they did, did Teshuva, asked mechila, & the tradgidy’s ended, b”h.

  6. Rav Shteinman understands that in cases where someone is bullied and ridiculed they are not in position to grant mechila because the victim is still traumatized by the bully. It’s like asking mechilla to someone holding a loaded gun!

    Therefore, asking tongue in cheek mechila in order to patur yourself and get a shidduch is adding more abuse on the victim.

    PLUS…Oftentimes bullies behaviors were taught or encouraged by the parents. Is this kind of parent you want as a mechutan???

    Parents and school teachers/administration have the burden to stop bullying in its tracks. Quick fixes like expelling the victim because the bully is more connected is a sure way to guarantee repeat stories.

    Obviously, the same applies to adult bullies/victims as well.

    Parents of a Bully Victim

  7. #10

    I am a former teacher (forced to change careers over a decade ago) who was also embarrassed in public by students. The Vaad Hachinuch, Board Members, and parents had a personal vendetta against me. They ultimately knocked me out of chinuch and destabilized my financial situation.

    Until those who harmed me financially, stabilize my situation, the cheshbon is still open…

  8. Since this is such a “chashuva” seminary that only exepts “mitzuyanim”, maybe it got to these girls heads & they are turning down (picky) Shidduchim which would otherwise be good for the “average” girl?! How does a girl who knows kol hatorah kula with all the Rishonim & Achronim & Poskim make her a better wife, mother, neighbor, etc…? This elitism has got to stop!

  9. There was a story like this in a book. There was a class that none of the girls had gotten engaged. They started asking their teachers mechila if they remembered if the class had done anything wrong. Most of the teachers said they didn’t remember but if the girls had done anything wrong to them they were mochel. One teacher (i think it may have been their fifth grade teacher but I’m not sure if I’m quoting the story correctly) said that there was a girl who come to their class from france and the girls had all made fun of her. She left the school humiliated. After the teacher had told them this The class then went to the girl’s younger sister who was in that school now and told her to ask her sister if they were mochel them. She came back saying her sister said she had terrible memories and she didn’t want to have anything with those girls anymore because she was humiliated. They then told her sister to tell her that nobody in the class had gotten engaged and they think that it may be because they had humiliated her. They had tremendous regret for making fun of her and asked for her mechila. The sister came back and said she forgave them. Within weeks several girls in the class had gotten engaged

  10. I think the takeaway lesson from this story has to be , weather it’s the reason behind their crisis or not, That we have to be very careful with how we treat other people ! Because look how its lodged into their conscious to the point that they can’t shake it off and are living with it every day. And look how serious R Steinman took their story

  11. The article doesn’t tell the whole story. The offended girl placed a “kpeidah” on the class, and that’s why they are freaking out. Wouldn’t you?

    Rav Shteinman in his wisdom, gently told them to be better people, and that will be enough.

  12. To Oldtimer, when something bad happens to you because of a dumb mistake you made, to you not sincerely regret what you have done to cause you this. Point being, yes you must be sincere, but sometimes you just need to be reminded of what you’ve done and the gravity it holds, and that will bring out your sincerity.

  13. The name of the game: Blame The Victim!!

    The victim of the bullying who obviously suffered terribly at the hands of the well connected or prestigious girls cried in pain.
    Because the school administration chose to ignore the VICTIM’s pain and parental complaints, the girl was no different than a defenseless orphan whose cries are heard and have a special place with Hashem.

    Instead of working on themselves, these baalei yichus or silver spooned BULLIES have the chutzpah to BLAME the victim for ruining their lives.

    With a mother like this, you can be assured a new generation of bullies.

  14. The crisis is NOT that 19 year olds aren’t getting engaged. It’s that in the other classes 19 year olds ARE getting engaged.

    Just saying….

  15. I know of another situation like this, a class of girls a few years out of high school with a long break between engagements, and they also discussed the situation with an odom gadol and came to the same conclusion. B”H it seems to have “worked.”
    Now my question is, how did this get to YNet, Matzav, and the world at large to be discussed ad nauseum?


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