Rabbi YY Jacobson: “Still Single? NEVER GIVE UP!”

STOP THE DAVENING-START THE TALKING

There are Mosdos asking for donations geared especially to those who are desperate to find Shidduchim for themselves or for their loved ones. These organizations offer to have Gedolim, Rebbes, Roshei Yeshivos, Rabonim, Kabbalists, etc. travel to Mekomos Hakdoshim and daven for a Zivug on behalf of those who send in money.

It is a pathetic way of raising money by taking advantage of people who are in a desperate situation. What’s even more pathetic is that it is very likely for such Tefillos not to be accepted by HKBH.

If the situation is that for every 120 nineteen-year-old girls there are only 100 twenty-three-year-old boys to go around, it would be pointless to daven that all girls should get married, since there are simply not enough 23-year-old boys to marry all the 19-year-old girls. This Tefillah would be asking for the impossible and that would be considered a תפילת שוא.

Furthermore, davening only for those girls who donate money to the organization doesn’t sound right. For every girl who gets married another boy gets taken off the market.
There is a concept in the Gemoro of תופס לבעל חוב במקום שחב לאחרים – One cannot grab an item for the benefit of his friend if by doing so another person will lose out. One may, however, grab it for himself even במקום שחב לאחרים. Therefore davening for only a certain group (Donors) and not including the בתוך שאר הנצרכים sounds like a תופס לבעל חוב במקום שחב לאחרים.

HOW TO SOLVE THE SHIDDUCH CRISIS?

The solution to the shidduch crisis is to narrow the age gap between the boys and girls getting married. Davening for this to happen on its own is futile; it is incumbent on us to take the measures to make it happen. The problem is man-made and can be corrected by man בעזהי”ת. It’s up to us; we can and should change the trend of having such a wide age gap between the genders.

Perhaps, the time has come of מה תצעק אלי– ויסעו. We must make a move to correct the problem. We cannot shove the problem under the carpet, nor pretend to solve it with Davening gimmicks.

We must first acknowledge the cause of the Shidduch crisis. Many people aren’t aware that the number one cause for the shidduch crisis is the age gap, and if nothing is done to remedy that, then
15%- 20% of the girls will remain Agunos for the rest of their lives.
We must also educate and publicize this to as many people as possible. It is very important that the naysayers be proven wrong.

The only way to narrow the age gap is by facilitating and encouraging the boys to start dating at a younger age. This can be accomplished if the Roshei Yeshivos are on board and implement policies such as:
1. The American Roshei Yeshivos should send away their talmidim to Eretz Yisroel at age 20, and not allow them to stick around past that age.
2. The Israeli Roshei Yeshivos should not accept Bachurim over the age of 20.
3. American Yeshivos should abolish the “freezer” rule.
Having the Bachurim go to learn in Eretz Yisroel at an earlier age means they will return to America at an earlier age, thus starting Shidduchim earlier and thereby narrowing the age gap.

These might be drastic measures, but we can all agree that the severe tragedy of having girls never get married, remaining Agunos for the rest of their lives, surely requires drastic measures. Now is the time of ‘עת לעשות וגו

If the philanthropists, Gevirim,& Askonim who support the Yeshivos want to seriously commit themselves to solve the Shidduch crisis, they would exert their influence on the Roshei Yeshivos and give them the “motivation” to take these necessary steps and policies to effect change.

couldn’t have said it better,my hat’s off to you
you are 1000% right

Is there any speaker in the world better than Jacobson? He should be nominated for the MC of Moshiach. May he come very soon.

IMHO, the Shidduch crisis culprits are the seminaries.
They fill the girls’ heads with impossible dreams.
What’s wrong with a good-natured, solid working boy?

Very good point Mr. Emailim

Thank you for your pearls of wisdom.
They were deeply taken to heart and will hopefully have a big impact on the klal