Rav Avigdor Miller: Why Do Weddings End So Absurdly Late?

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Q:
What do you say about weddings that go till late at night?

Rav Miller zt”l:
Why should weddings take so long?! You need hundreds of people to ruin their health just because you want to make a wedding?! People should go home early — it’s a crime to keep two hundred people up till very late at night! The next day two hundred people will be walking around looking like ghosts because of you. It’s a strain on the heart and a strain on the kidneys. It’s too much!

The truth is that it’s too much to expect even of a good friend. Even a good friend should sneak out! Don’t bother to go over and excuse yourself. Because then he’ll start importuning you. Just sneak out and forget about it. He’ll be angry? Your body will also be angry at you if you stay, and it’s more important to be friends with your body.

Rabbi Miller’s recorded lectures are the property of SimchasHachaim.com
Copyright © 2019 Toras Avigdor, All rights reserved.

19 COMMENTS

    • I don’t know what time his children’ chasunos ended but it is widely known he left his grandchildren’s chasunos at 10:00 PM (as I heard from his son-in-law R’ Yeruchom Lechinsky).

      • Grandchildren are not children and MANY grandparents leave early. What time did he end his children’s wedding?

  1. Lateness is the least of the problems. IT’S THE INCESSANT LOUD EARDRUM BREAKING (so called) MUSIC THAT’S COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTROL!!! When will these mazikim be brought under control?

  2. sunday weddings in the morning or noon would be a great solution.
    The extra loud music is really a problem. we have a right to walk out of a wedding with extra loud music/noise.
    It appears the weddings are starting late because the females need so much time to prepare the dress, make up and hair (all at the Baal Habus’s expense of course). Cutting out the excessive makeup and hair would be a wise decision as well.

  3. Maybe its because it starts late?
    For me, it is always the distance that kills it. Even if I leave after main course, it is unlikely to be before 10:30 – (nevermind who wants to eat that late to start with), and then need to get my car & drive back home. If wedding is in Lakewood, Or even if the wedding is in Brooklyn (which will always end later), family coming in from Monsey need to leave before benching to get home to their babysitter etc.

  4. Rav Miller z”l had some great points and teachings.

    Despite the snide comment by “achassidisheryid” above, some of the most ardent fans and disseminators of his teachings, like the above piece, are Chassidim! They like his emesdik approach and adore him despite his being a Litvak.

    A great yasher koach to them!

  5. I don’t know what time his children’ chasunos ended but it is widely known he left his grandchildren’s chasunos at 10:00 PM (as I heard from his son-in-law R’ Yeruchom Lechinsky).

  6. One solutions is to take pictures with the Chossen and Kallah before the wedding starts. Then 400 people would not have to sit at their tables looking at pickles and cole slaw for an hour and a half and engaging in sicha betaila.

      • Yes, before the Kabbolas Ponim and the guests arrives. The pictures should be on the family’s time, not that of the invited guests. This change would get the dancing started much earlier and help diminish the collective bittul zman, bittul Torah, and allow parents to get back to their children’s families earlier. I know of one Rosh Yeshiva who will not personally be Mesader without this t’nai.

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