Dear Matzav.com Editor,
I think we are all losing our perspective when it comes to shidduchim. A friend of ours has a son who was driving home from yeshiva a few weeks ago on Sunday and he saw in the curb lane a car with the hazard lights flashing and two “dressed up” girls standing beside it. Since he was raised properly by his parents (sorry, I am editorializing here), he pulled over and asked the girls if they needed help. They had a flat tire and told him that they had called for help, but the towing company said it would be an hour and they were going to be late for a vort. So (because this is a boy whose parents taught him well), the boy (let’s call him Dovid) offered to change the tire for them. The girls were kind of astounded, but they actually took him up on the offer; he changed the tire.
While he was changing the tire, they made small talk and it turns out that one of the girls knows his aunt, and we figure that she used that information to obtain his address later that week, and she (the driver of the car) and the other girl sent him a thank you note with a gift certificate to a local seforim store. They explained they would have probably spent four times that much on the towing company, and they really appreciated his help.
So, one thing leads to another, the boy calls his aunt, one thing leads to another, the boy and girl have a conversation, and they make up to meet for a date.
Nice story so far, right? Gets better.
This is where the craziness starts.
Two nights later, Dovid gets a call from the girl, who tells Dovid that she cannot meet him. Why? Because she was about to be redd to a very choshuve bochur, and the shadchanis told her that if word got around that this girl was going to go on a date with a guy she had met without the inetrvention of a shadchan, (a) the choshuve bochur would not meet her, and (b) the shadchanis would no longer help her because “my clientele does not talk to boys who have not been checked out and cleared.”
Of course, Dovid was upset, because he liked the girl and thought it would be worthwhile to meet with her. The girl was upset, because she was torn between wanting to meet Dovid again, but not sure she wants to risk her relationship with the shadchanis if the Dovid thing doesn’t go anywhere.
So, let me understand: boy helps girl by changing her flat tire; girl thanks boy with small gift; boy thanks girl; they enjoy phone conversation; and now they’re not allowed to meet?
There’s something wrong here. I’m not telling communities to change their modes of dating, etc., but why must artificial boundaries be imposed when, b’derech hatevah, a chance meeting offers a possible promise of something good?
I told my husband that if I were the girl’s mother, I would send them to dinner, not just coffee.