A man with a tremendous heart, Reb Shuli Halpert saw the uphill battle and frustration faced by so many of our young boys and girls trying to find suitable high schools, botei medrash, or other institutions where they could thrive and develop, and felt he could do something about it. Together with Moishe Rosenthal – his good friend since childhood – he founded Gesher L’Yeshivos, an organization comprised of these two men working the phones, meeting and conferring with students and their parents, and convincing menahalim to open their doors and hearts for these youngsters.
Shuli quickly establishes a rapport with boys and girls who have difficulty communicating with their parents, teachers, or peers. Once familiar with the issues, he can properly match them with what might be a suitable school. He then uses his special blend of humility and tenacity to gently convince the school that this is our child – a member of Klal Yisroel – who has a right to a proper education.
In running Gesher L’Yeshivos, Shuli works with many levels of at risk. It’s common for him to meet parents who are in denial about where their kids are holding.
In a recent interview in a Lakewood publication about his vital work, Shuli remarked, “Denial is a normal reaction; some might argue that it’s a healthy one. Still, it is critical to pick up on the first signs of trouble and address issues before they have grown roots. A new hairstyle, a different way of dress, and changed social behavior are all indicators that something is wrong.”
Shuli made an interesting observation regarding technology and kids going off the derech.
“More often than not, inappropriate technology use is a symptom, not a cause, of struggle. It’s rare that a happy, thriving teenager will throw their life away for the internet,” said Shuli. “Kids turn to cyberspace when something is hurting them.”
When a child is in pain, says Shuli, they are desperate to escape and find a place where they feel comfortable. As a result, their Yiddishkeit is often first to suffer.
“By coming down hard about religion, parents allow their intense pain to get in the way of their relationship with their child. Monitoring and controlling your child backs them into a corner; they are suddenly forced to lie and hide. I’m not telling you that we have to accept all behavior, nor am I saying that we cannot establish and enforce rules. When it comes to dealing with at-risk kids, there are many approaches and few definitive answers. However, one thing is key: When kids know that their parents love and support them, 75 percent of the problem is solved. Parents must understand how much they can help their children by standing behind them.”
{D. Stein – Matzav.com}
Thank you Reb Shuli. You’ve spoken the truth that so many of us understand but are intimidated not to discuss because it goes against the talking points of the modus operandi.
Reb Shuli is right about that when a child is in pain they are desperate to escape and find a place where they feel comfortable.
But as someone with experience in chinuch/kiruv of bochurim and teens I strongly disagree with his statement that “It’s rare that a happy, thriving teenager will throw their life away for the internet,”…
It’s not a one second decision when a boy starts “going off”. An encounter with the bad side of internet/social media even once by mistake can open the door to a dark and slippery slope.
It’s not only about kids with troubles who are turning to the internet. Any person who happens to see a picture on Whatsapp/Instagram etc etc, can get hooked very quickly. It has the power to transform a “happy bochur” into a terribly unhappy one very quickly.
Rav Aharon Feldman wrote about addiction to inappropriate materials, “It has spared no class of Jews: from teenagers to kollel members, from office workers to rabbis, and from single to married men.”
Rav Twersky writes, “I doubt that at any time in our history has there been as grave a threat to the morality of our people and to the stability of the Jewish family as the plague of addiction to internet pornography. It has ruined more marriages than anything. It has ruined families. It’s been terribly destructive.”
Now Reb Shuli is correct that it may be a symptom in some cases, but it’s a potentially poisonous tool in any boy/bochurs hands. מה יעשה אותו הבן שלא יחטא
What is the chiddush, this is lechora pashut ubarur your any “bar bei Rav d’chad yoma”?
My relative got onto a missionary site. It hooked him. He went otd. Without the internet we were better off here in spring valley. Not everything is about the New Test. I texted him.
I had my 9th grader speak with him and guess what! My Tzvi my little Tzvi is now a follower. Gevald can I get a break????!
Most 9th graders are not educated. A hever Kollel is the best option.
He’ll return if you’re lucky.
I hope you’re not serious
Even if internet is not usually the (only) cause of people going OTD it’s danger can not be underestimated. Both for those who did go OTD R’L and those did not go OTD from it but were severely damaged by it
Aside from the respect due to R’ Shuli for his tireless work and mesiras nefesh, I share my regard to this precious message. I have been in this sugya for years, including many years before cell phones and home computers. As with many trouble spots, the terrain is different. In fact, every generation has its unique characteristics. The underlying issues remain the same.
Our yeshivos and parents, in desperation to have the greatest talmidim and children, have resorted to approaches that they believe will yield the greatest numbers of successes. But with growing populations, this also means a growing number of “failures”. We have done much to try to teach kids. But we falter when it comes to inspiring them. And that’s where we lose them. Technology has a powerful draw. No question. But when our kids are uninspired, they are defenseless. This was the case before technology, and continues to be the case today.
Social media is a disaster. Schmutz is terrible. The propaganda online is devastating. None of this should be minimized. But R’ Shuli is correct. In the decades of my experience, I have not yet encountered a kid whose first step of OTD or related struggles was with technology.
Thank you.
I’m a sidelines observer. A few years ago I happened to sit on a bus from Teverya to Yerushalaim with a boy from Har Nof who’d gone otd after being overloaded in Yeshiva with 12 hours in depth Gemara learning a day that he couldn’t relate to. Everything I said to him about basic yiras Shamayim he drank up like a desperately thirsty person. When I showed him a card I had in my pocket with R’ Chaim Volozhner’s vort about Ein Od Melevado he begged me to give it to him and I had to remind him that he could easily copy it onto his phone.
Wow, u is a tzdik. Give him the paper card , u did not get it from Ganayziem auctions.
Genoynok
The rabbi has great points. However technology can be addictive no matter how happy or well adjusted you are
Get off your phone, now-somewat
If people don’t feel satisfaction in their lives, they can easily get that feeling from the web. Dopamine is supposed to come from working hard and achieving. When you waste time on internet/movies/etc., you get that boost that makes you feel satisfied as if you worked hard, but you didn’t. Ever see a video titled ‘watch this MOST SATISFYING half hour…’? It can be an innocuous clip of someone painting or baking cakes. It gives the satisfaction that you would feel as if YOU had spent that hour baking 40 cakes, while instead you got to relax on the couch. It takes away the drive to succeed in REAL life. Why should you work through the struggle if you can get it for cheap while sitting at your screen?