Russians Locked Inside Stadium to Sit Through Putin’s ‘Patriotic’ Rally

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Russians who were herded into Moscow’s Luzhniki Stadium on Wednesday to attend a pro-war rally featuring President Vladimir Putin have reportedly been barred from leaving the premises for the duration of the “patriotic” event, the Daily Beast reports. Organizers warned attendees that as soon as the rally kicks off, the exits will be closed and no one will be able to leave the stadium, according to the independent outlet Mozhem Obyasnit, which sent a correspondent to the event.

The move is apparently in response to the embarrassment of attendees at a concert last year walking out en masse before Putin even took the stage. Unfortunately for the Russian leader, the threatened exit closures apparently did nothing to reverse that trend Wednesday: Many attendees were seen walking out of the stadium 25 minutes before it was set to kick off. Others in attendance told the outlet they had been ordered to go by their employers: “They forced us,” said one unnamed rally-goer.


  1. Organizers warned attendees that as soon as the rally kicks off, the exits will be closed and no one will be able to leave the stadium.
    One astute attendee, who anticipated that the authorities would lock the crowd inside the stadium, brought along a porta potty with him to the event.
    “I know the way these ruffians think,” he said. “I knew they’d lock us in here like caged animals. I got a terrible stomach and a lousy digestive system, so I made sure to bring my porta potty along with me, just in case.”
    “I also brought my microwave with me, and plenty of frozen pizza and doughnuts, and a large variety of powder drink mixes with me, just in case I get hungry or thirsty” he said. “No one is better prepared for this event than I am. I’m used to this rough and tough kind of stuff; I spent several years of my life in a Soviet gulag.”
    “If you come fully prepared to these kind of events, it could actually be a lot of fun,” he said. “I enjoy the challenge…..”
    “Oye vey, wait a second!” he said in an anguished tone. “Oye vey iz mir!…”
    “Please excuse me!” he apologized. “The porta potty is summoning me, I got to go now! Sorry about that, but I can’t ignore nature’s call, can I?!”

  2. This is an old Communist tactic.

    Back in the good old days May Day parades were mandatory in the Communist world. People were also forced to vote for the right candidate of course.

    You can take Putin out of the KGB but you can’t take the KGBout of Putin.


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