The Matzav Shmoooze: Frumkeit and Father’s Day

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fathers-dayDear readers,

Today is Father’s Day. What a wonderful concept. Of course, we Yidden celebrate Father’s Day and Mother’s Day every single day. We don’t need a solitary day to recognize the love and devotion of our parents. But for some reason, there are people who think that it’s a terrible thing to even talk about or recognize Father’s Day. I believe it is a harmless thing, and, if anything, it is a nice time to show our appreciation to our fathers.

Not everything has to be a “shitah.” We don’t have to have a “shitah” against Father’s Day just because our hashkafah is that every single day is Father’s Day and Mother’s Day.

So go and call your father. Wish him Happy Father’s Day. Tell him thanks for giving you the things that are beyond thanks and appreciation. Tell him how much you love him. You’ll get a mitzvah.

Happy Father’s Day.

A Ben Torah


The Matzav Shmoooze is a regular feature on that allows all readers to share a thought or analysis, long or short, one sentence or several paragraphs long, on any topic, for readers to mull over and comment on. Email submissions to

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  1. well said.
    I’d like to add 2 points.
    Firstly, while of course “every day is father’s day”, the gemara tells us kibud av is one of the hardest mitzvas to fullfill properlly. Taking one day a year to make an extra effort in this hard mitzva is not only “harmless” but positive. Hallevai at least one day a year we had proper kibud av.
    Secondly, any argument over father’s day is quite silly and moot. If your father expects or would appreceate a “happy father’s day” wish, then les man dipalig (if you think for a second) that wishing him happy fathers day is a mitzva asei deoraisa, for which the award is arichas yamim. If he doesnt care for it or even doesnt like it, then obviously there is no reason to wish him. It isnt really talei in how you or we feel about it, but in how our fathers do.

  2. “our hashkafah is that every single day is Father’s Day and Mother’s Day.”
    I can’t imagine any religion saying otherwise – stop patting yourself on the back, we aren’t unique here….

  3. “Of course, we Yidden celebrate Father’s Day and Mother’s Day every single day. We don’t need a solitary day to recognize the love and devotion of our parents.”

    Unfortunately, we live life with only mumbled thank-yous. I truthfully think that Father’s Day (and Mother’s Day) is something we should all use as an opportunity too display our required gratitude.

    In substance, though, I wholly agree.

  4. I agree with this letter 1,0000 percent. I have always said this vort – dont make a shitah about everything!

  5. Excellent post.
    I never understood the “logic” of those who say “every day is father’s day” Basicly what they are saying is “I wont do anything special for my father today, since I really should do it every day” How does that make sense? “Every day is father’s day?” Great! so wish your father happy fathers day every day, including today!
    Could sombeody please explain it to me?

  6. 100% . In yidishkeit there are days to emphasize different inyanim . like a yom tov for torah ,emunah , tikun hamidos ect . Which one of us is so perfect he doesnt need a reminder to be mechazek us in kibud av vaim. but avadeh it shouldnt be observed as a holiday , bechukosaihem lo sailachu .

  7. A breath of good old-fashioned common sense. Yes, we should go our own way and not be controlled by what the world thinks. BUT making it a point to always do the opposite of what mainstream society does is also giving it a form of control.

    A lot of parents have found out that “If you want him/her to do something, just tell him/her to do the opposite!” That works great on middle-schoolers. Aren’t we a little older than that?

  8. Can’t agree more!! We are so full of shittas about everything that would make us seem ‘Frummer’ but we forget how to be ehrliche yidden that have chein b’ainai Elokim V’adam. It can only be good to dedicate at least 1 day of the year to think how much hakaras hatov we owe our parents and maybe do or say something to express that to them.

  9. Before you inform everyone of your “???? ?????” and then have the nerve to sign off “Ben Torah” it would behoove you to research the issue you are raising. Ask someone who went through a few ???? ???? in ???? ??????? to tell you whether this would qualify as ??? ?????? or not. It is high time people stopped blaming their own childish musings on the Torah.

  10. Boy! I can’t believe I just read a sane article!! Thank you and please go wish all the fathers you know a happy father’s day!!!!

  11. AH # 11, you must be reffering to the well known gemara which says not to make an extra effort for kibud av on fathers day, i believe it is on daf doesnt exist amud beis.
    “It is high time people stopped blaming their own childish musings on the Torah.” About that you are right, well said, though as always practice what your preach, before coming up with the father of all boich sevaras

  12. happy fathers day to all you hard working, underappreciated fathers-who spend most of you lives making your wives and children (and parents) your first work, learn daily, chauffer the kids, schlep to the country, buy gifts, fix stuff, keep quiet, and do most of the driving on trips and vacations. You run the shabbos table, prepare for Succos ,run to minyan, and even try to keep shalom with the in-laws. So HAPPY FATHERS DAY- I wish I could say it to the dad I just lost.

  13. Heartbroken – it’s a long time since I lost my own father, AH but I remember the empty hole his passing left in my life. May you be comforted with all the mourners of Zion and Yerushalayim..

  14. This is something to be decided by gedaylim.

    What about ????? ????? and ??? ???? ?? ??????

    Esav was gevaldig in ????? ?? ??? we are told by Chazal. But does that mean that we are supposed to copy him?

    The Maharal has a great vort that explains why he was so into kibbud av va’eim, by the way.

  15. To #8 MAYIM
    If you had a brain you wouldnt need a greeting card.
    I have 4 kids all in their 40s and 50s \. I got a call from each and each call warmed my

  16. Many many Gedolim (most outspokenly Hagaon HaRav Avigdor Miller ztvk”l amongst many others) have specifically forewarned us against celebrating in any way this goyish concept of father’s and mother’s day.

  17. Given that Father’s Day doesn’t deserve any special attention, the comment that by yidden every day is Father’s/Mother’s Day is stupid. If every day is, then no day is. In Israel we do not have these “days” and no one is worse off for it.


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