WATCH: Someday is Today! A Simpler Richer Wedding

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Let’s take a lesson from the recent Simchos, and make the commitment to change how we will make our Simchos in the future.

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48 COMMENTS

  1. you gotta be kidding me
    this is what is wrong with klal yisroel ?
    wake up and smell the coffee
    a year in seminary cost more then an above average wedding
    can go on and on

    • I dont know what planet you live on, but what seminary costs $100,000?
      This is the given number in many Heimish “in-town” as well as out of town communities for the total cost of a wedding, including the engagement party, gifts, sheva brochos etc
      No one is saying to do away with a yiddishe wedding, but the the expenses of jewish married life are big enough without the extravagances associated with weddings, which trickle down to all simchos.
      $25,000 for seminary is also an extravagance that needs to be cut down but so is all school tuition.
      Please go on & on, we need to cut all the unnecessary extras.

  2. It’s very nice and cute! In fact it’s noble and most idealistic! But… is it practical? I reckon not! Take me, for one, I hope to be making a wedding in June, so help me G-d. The caterer states that there is a 450 guest minimum. That means that I’m going to pay for 450 people even if only 10 show up! Am I supposed to alternatively make a backyard wedding like these corona weddings have been! I don’t think that’s reasonable! So what is the option! It’s not all in our control. We consumers have a rope around our necks!

  3. With all due respect to the sponsor of this video do you think it should be the norm that the chosson kallah walk down to the chupa from a garage on east 18th street? Do you think it should be the norm to have dancing in a classroom in a yeshiva with no family or friends? I have made a number of weddings and I’m still paying off my debts. I can give a long list of things that should be changed, but first changes have to be based on reality. The first reality is that when this is over weddings are going to be made in halls. The halls have to pay rent and pay waiters, therefore, they will have ridiculous minimums and if you don’t upgrade they will nickel and dime you for everything. In one hall I had to pay for a coat room in June. In another, I had to pay extra to have a white stage. If the halls aren’t part of the equation nothing will change. I would love to invite-only immediate family, not even first cousins to the meal and everyone else for dancing, but as I said halls would never agree. The second reality is everyone is talking about toning down the wedding itself. I definitely agree, but there is much more waste of money on the vort or tanayim, chosson watch, Kallah presents, gown rentals, invitations. parents being forced to take on 2-3 jobs to support a son in law in kollel, buying them a car. Anyone that made a wedding can add to this list.

    • Let me say ..good for those families!!! I wish all weddings and simchos would be that simple!!! Besides all the money that would be saved that could go better to helping the young couple with numerous life expenses. But also imagine all the hurt that would be prevented by those that were deliberately or accidentally or with no choice, left out of the simcha. If a person included just immediate family and perhaps relatives, there would be no hurt and less debts!!! I think this idea is fabulous!!!

    • um i could think of a lot of good reasons- for starters if all the aunts uncles cousins grandparents- who belong at the simcha!!- are there, chances are thats already more than 30-50. and neighbors who watched the chosson/kallah grow up want to come be a part of the simcha! and good friends of the chosson/kallah actually belong there too!! i dont think youre thinking so practically… yes i get it you dont have to have a 20 piece band and every friend doesnt need a meal etc but 250 ppl sounds very very reasonable… and it doesnt sound like if you need to have 255 ppl, you will be considered baddd under this new initiative… oif simchas iyH simchas by everyone bkarov!

  4. I feel very bad for this people. But even as they make a wedding in these horrible places. They are still wearing expensive gowns and the alike.
    Wedding expenses aren’t only the halls there is much more that need to be toned down.
    May Hashem bless all of us.

  5. Yes! It’s reasonable to make a wedding in your backyard or a shul catering hall. It’s reasonable o make a beautiful wedding with a happy chassan and kallah, in the street in front of your house.

    The craziness that goes on today is just that – craziness. We never had this in history. So make it stop now. To have to beg and borrow and shnorer to make a wedding??? To mortgage a home? Are you folks nuts in the brain? Enough of this stupidity already. Grow up! Who needs the show??

    And to you, Mrs. Anonymous, the caterer has you by the throat? No. Your society has you by the throat. Walk away from the caterer and make a small wedding somewhere else. Make it in a small hall – there’s hundreds of ’em.

    Make it in your friend’s giant back yard. Make it somewhere but don’t be a sucker and a fool to spend so much money on a five hour event. And the gowns. Stupid gowns. Don’t get me started.

  6. Weddings in Lakewood are already very reasonable. The halls there are very nice and most offer great takkanah options. This is already the norm in Lakewood for quite some time. everyone should make weddings in Lakewood.
    (I guess that’s not very practical though come to think of it)

  7. Anonymous seminary guy:
    So don’t send. Don’t send. Nobody said the girls have to go.
    By the gulf war, they asked one of the gedolim if the girls should go back home. He said “who said they should come in the first place”. They could go to rabbi mintz in lakewood or to baltimore or many others.

    People, stop allowing yourselves to be a prisoner of a warped society. Do what makes sense, no what you think other people expect.

    Our grandparents didn’t do these crazy things. We don’t have to either. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.

  8. Suddenly it’s not practical. Hey! It’s not OUR fault! It’s the hall, the other side, pressure etc. When we’re challenged with halachic issues at a hotel on Yom Tov we figure it out, with learning during spare time, we have an excuse etc. Suddenly we’re being shown a clear message but “the caterer has a 450 minimum” oh well. I know smaller places and caterers that will be just fine doing business with much less. And noone is suggesting the weddings be like these. Everything toned down – just relatives at the meal, and yes, less on the “extras” that also contribute and it’ll be about the chosson and Kaplan, not the performers etc.

  9. A journey of a thousand miles begins with but a single step.

    May this be a zechus for all forms of yeshuos including refinish, shidduchim, parnassah and shalom. And may those in the chasunah industry get their full parnassah through more and more simchos!

    If there is demand the halls will support it or smaller simcha venues will get the business.

  10. Am I the only one who ever learned (many decades ago) Sh’monah P’rakim L’Rambam? He urges taking the middle path. The key is: if someone has a certain poor middah, he should go to opposite extreme, in order to balance himself out. This is what’s been happening here. All these families have toned down their simchos, and shown the rest of the world that yes, it’s possible, yes, it’s beautiful and joyous even with your junk showing from your garage, no grandparents, a menu made up of what you prepared for the aufruf, no sheva brachos, and the hall just a revamped storage room. Then, when this is over, we will gratefully have Bubby and Zeidy present, but not the distant folks, just close family and friends, not a five-piece band and choir (free concert) but a single musician or two, and everyone will rejoice anyways. The neighbours will maybe host sheva brachos instead of dancing in the streets. No one will feel they’re missing anything because the norm has been adjusted! Oh yes, cut down on the “obligatory” wedding gifts. The kallah doesn’t need leather bound machzorim with her name on them, a regular one will do. The chosson doesn’t need a (name your price) watch when his mechutonim are wearing $10 Casios that work fine and last for years. Use smaller halls, 200 people should do even for enormous families, fewer for smaller ones, provided they invite only those closest to them.

  11. In europe they got married fridays and had their meal on shabbos with the delicacy of chicken. If the rabbanim pledge to not to do kiddushin at rich askanims weddings then were talking.

  12. I’m sorry, but this is absolutely rediculous. The mothers of those kallos were all crying. The kallos themselves… this is what they expected for their special day? Perhaps Hashem doesn’t want the elaborate shows of gashmiyus etc. But He does want simcha. And this is not it. Ein simcha elah b’basar v’yayin etc. Hashem made beutiful things in the world for a reason, and people who have the means to make a truly beutiful simcha have every right to do so. This is ridiculous. Yes. B’rov am hadras melech. It makes a difference. How about in seven years from now, we should do the siyum hashas ha’olami with 20 people in someone’s backyard. Why do we need a stadium? We can celebrate just fine in someone’s backyard. Ah, but when rabbanim are involved, and it’s the agudah, and there’s a dais, all of a sudden no one cares abou ostentatiousness. This is absurd.

  13. Here is what needs to be done after this is all over. Big wedding halls should divide into several smaller halls and thus continue covering their expenses but it will help the public save on expensive weddings. This will save time for guests attending three weddings a night in different locations and instead be able to go room to room to give mazel tov. Of course we know rich people will continue making large expensive weddings but but but if all neighborhood halls are smaller divided into three or five sections they too will have no choice. Cut all wedding halls into sections. Also why not stagger weddings like early Sunday followed by a Sunday night one. And let big homes in Monsey or other such locations rent out their yards or homes and let people save a bundle of money. We give our homes out for fundraisers and other such tzedokkah events. Out starts with every hall in heimisha communities coming together to section off their halls. Otherwise if caterers want 400 or more guests that means people are under pressure to order fancy flowers,expensive gowns,etc etc so they don’t embarrass themselves and family to the massive crowd of guests. It all feeds of each other. Sure there will be mega wealthy individuals who will opt to make weddings in fancy manhattan hotels but they are a minority and how many of them have lost their millions in today’s destructive economy. Even they won’t be embarrassed and be able to say we are making the wedding locally so that guests don’t have to travel far and leave their kids home alone every second night. Rabbonim too must lead this charge. If all the big kehillas would have no choice but to make their weddings on the street in front or in their shuls due to wedding halls being sectioned off to smaller halls.

    • Thank you anonymous. I commented this morning. During the day I came up with a brilliant idea that you just typed thank you for saving me the time to type again.

  14. It may be practical to invite 250 if both sides live in the same town as well as most of their relatives and friends. Then you can invite the rest to the chuppah and simchas chosson v’kallah. But many out of towners make chasunahs in Lakewood either for financial or practical reasons. Each side would get 125 guests. If the father has 11 siblings and the mother 9 (like in my family) that’s 40 right there. If they have 10 kids and some are married thats another 15 making it 55. Then there’s grandchildren, parents, nieces and nephews. Which ones do you leave out? Neighbors? Rabbanim? Teachers and rabbeim? Other mashpios? Chosson and kallahs friends? If the neighbors live in chicago they should be invited to just the chuppah and simchas chosson v’kallah and wait outside in their cars in between? That’s not an invitation! That’s sdom! As much as this is a wonderful idea it’s just not practical for many people.
    And as long as we’re not toning down all other simchos, it won’t last. Brissim, kiddushim, sheva brachos, bar and bas mitzvahs vorts have all become over the top with rented tablecloths, props, vases, miniatures, extravagant cakes, party planners. Mothers now wear gowns to their son’s bar mitzvahs! Even our yom tov tablescapes cost a fortune with all the rentals and buying for every meal. What happened to just using our own china, tablecloths and vases?? So you see, until we tone down our expectations of what simchos in general should be like, the effects will be very short term. The actual number of invitees shouldn’t be the concern, rather the extravagance!

  15. Wow so Matzav is censoring comments again. Very immature of your website. You obviously are not interested in keeping an open respectful dialogue with your viewership. For shame. I thought you were better than that.

  16. Seminary local with trip also cost more then a wedding in a takana hall
    Wake up ,weddings today are extremely cheap in many halls

    • Really!! I made over 5 wedding ke”h I still never came across a “cheap” hall. As I wrote above if you take the minimum the halls nickel and dime you things like a coat room in June or to have a white stage. The halls are out to make a living too.

  17. So its more Tznius to make weddings in the street?

    So that everyone on the street can check everything out ?

    Where is all this coming from?
    Alteh Bucher

  18. Europe?
    Last I checked were in the USA , in a different time-set and mindset. Did everyone carry smartphones with cameras in Europe? Should we do everything they did in Europe. and who says it was such a good idea back then either?

    With the death horrors we are witnessing on a daily basis , is this specifically what GD needs fixed , of all things?
    Most weddings we all attend these days are in a elementary yeshiva dining room jazzed up with some chandeliers and mirrors and drapes , with a standard menu of old chicken , a potato knish , and two string beans wrapped together by a blade of grass, and one keyboard player.

    Is weddings the worst thing were doing ?
    A.B

    • you might have missed the forest for the trees. its not necessarily a question of showing off it’s a question if its reasonable to set a standerd that all family’s have to “abide” by. is it a necessary financial burden on the parents and the new couple. a example in history could be tachrichim

  19. Without getting into whether this is a valid idea or not, I believe they are going about it the wrong way. Instead of getting people to pledge, they should get Roshai Yeshivos and Rabonim to pledge that they will not attend nor be Mesader Kiddushin at a large wedding, no matter who the Baal Simcha is (and how much money they give). If that is done it will work. The leader is not supposed to follow the sheep… the sheep follow the leader.

  20. This initiative is worthless and will go nowhere. How about the following initiatives
    Scrap Israel seminary
    Make a boycott on all pesach hotels. Rabbis and Hashgachas should not attend.
    Sheitels should be capped to $200
    Hats should cost $100
    Matzah 4.99 a pound
    Gowns for weddings should be borrowed from gemachs.
    Going to a restaurant should be outlawed
    Everyone should learn shemiras halashon every day
    Daf yomi should be learnt beiyun with tests.
    Siyum hashas should not be so commercialized.
    Mid winter and summer vacations should be banned

    Let’s start with all of that first

    • Not sure what to do about sheitels, but I bought two nice (and “solid”) hats for my BM son for $55 each from YeshivishHats.com (this is not an ad for them; I don’t know the owner and I really did buy hats from them). I wouldn’t have paid what I did for my Borsalino had that site existed then.

      There are plenty of good reasons for girls to attend seminary in their home country rather than in Eretz Yisrael, though certainly some that go the other way, depending on various factors. There are seminaries all over, including, for example, Machon Basya Rochel in Lawrence, which is an easy commute for those near the Long Island Rail Road (I know almost nothing about it other than it exists).

      I disagree about restaurants, though they should be utilized in a sensible manner.

  21. Ikar chosser min hasefer. The root cause of our problems are living extravagant lifestyles. When the rich will tone down their way of life so regular folks dont feel peer pressure then we can talk. Until then this proposal is DOA

  22. CHASDEI LEV did something and 150 simpler weddings were done many by people who in the past did bigger ones ,i was a little involved in 16 of the backyard weddings between purim & pesach the beauty was how the chosson & kallah accepted the pitiful situation w bitachon & grace

  23. For sure, there are places to save, but not on a decent venue for a Chassunah. Cut down on singers and bands, overtime, You can get stunning gowns, bridal and family gowns at Gemachs at minimal prices, Fake flowers etc. But a wedding should still have a Tzura and a Simcha still should be comfortable. Of course, hard times call for difficult and uncomfortable measures. But we should absolutely not keep this as the norm!

    • I agree. This is why I didn’t sign this. Everything costs money. Buying a car cost money, shoes cost, groceries cost and a wedding cost. There is a larger problem here and just picking on wedding halls isn’t the answer.

  24. Mark my words: every chassan and kallah who had one of these street weddings will never be at peace with it. Not in 10, not in 20, and not in 30 years! Weddings have always been a big deal by us Jews. Now, move onto a real issue.

  25. Y is everyone bashing gown rentals .. fancy halls.. if u can’t afford an expensive gown then go to a gemach! The issue is the peer pressure! Gown rentals and halls etc need a parnassa too.. imho

  26. lets get the boys and girls to start caring for their parents in this matter, …. they can tell their parents that they really want a simple cheap wedding etc.

  27. In the shtetl things were simple, my zaydas big extragavence in his Europe wedding was getting new shoes and a new shirt, their delicacy was serving chicken to all guests. Simpler times made Yidden more happy we should emulate the wonderful and ehrlich life of the shtetel with its pashtus. Who heard of a vacation or trip on chol hamoed in europe it was simple they took a walk in the forest.

  28. Really now!

    If your married, and sounding miserable. Maybe its better that I do keep that title.
    Just do me one favor and don’t ever talk that way to your spouse.

    A.B.

  29. Weddings in shul / regular hall , with a buffet smorgasbord for the entire oilam – people can come, wish mazel tov, eat a little & go. No need for a “Wedding” hall. Size of the small hall & lavishness of food can be toned down / beefed up depending on the family / how much you can afford. Basically what is often done now for the “engagement party” done for the wedding instead. Then, the close family can either go home, or have a close family sheva brochos there in the small hall. No need for a sit down for minimum 450 guests. The rest of the people who feel ‘so close’ to the chosson & kalla that they think they should have been invited to the sit down, they should make the following 7 days of sheva brochos. One night the cousin, another the close family friend. Isnt that how its suppose to be? No need for everyone to be at all 7 days of sheva brochos. Shabbos Sheva brochos should not be a mini vacation for all extended family & friends, costing up to $15,000 (actual figure as per interview in recent heimish magazine).
    Its really all about expectations. If you dont expect to have this lavish lifestyle (which 95% of the community cant afford), then you will be happy with less. As can be seen from the recent backyard weddings, they were very much besimcha. A $25,000 furniture set will not make a young couple happy (and if it does, you have bigger problems).

    • We should emulate the shtetel where people lived simply were happy and had emuna. Even Lakewood today is full of gashmius.

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