Rav Gershon Ribner, rosh kollel of Kollel Nesivos Hatorah and son-in-law of Rav Shneur Kotler, has succeeded in applying classical Talmudical analysis and methodology to understanding all areas of Yiddishkeit, bringing out its profundity and sense.
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Whats his opinion to divorce after marring off all children?
I appreciate the perspective that quotes the Torah leaders of yesteryear. However, the clarity needed to predict whether a family of children will fare better with married but fighting parents or with divorced parents who are not communicating at all is something we do not have. Both approaches have been tried, and the results are mixed. Bottom line, you cannot know beforehand. This subject has been subjected to a bit of research, and the scientific world has no conclusion either. Granted, the research did not involve the frum community, but anecdotal evidence in our community does not shed any light here.
It should be noted that there is one huge factor that distinguishes between the two scenarios. That is the outside opinions. Applications for yeshivos do not have an item requesting the shalom bayos status of the parents. But they do ask if the child is of divorced parents. And the children who are in the latter category are often refused acceptance based on that. Aside from whatever negative impact a divorce has on those kids, this pattern of rejections just ups the trauma level for that child. I wonder whether yeshivos are even aware of that.
What about divorce after marrying off all kids? I would love to hear your opinion
Here’s mine. Divorce is never a nice thing. It’s not a form of recreation, and it’s never enjoyable. But there are circumstances in which it becomes necessary, and the Torah provides us with this option. There’s far less damage when a divorce occurs after all children are married. Even then, it has an impact. If we could only witness failed marriages being dissolved without the revenge and bitterness, we might save many lives, bundles of money, huge amounts of aggravation. As is, most divorces in our community are bitter battles, perhaps supporting those in the industry (lawyers, toanim, batei din, askanim, therapists, and sundry others), but impoverishing others, creating huge swaths of emotional damage, destroying families, and trashing reputations.
When a divorce occurs matters. But much more is how it gets conducted.