Dear Matzav Editor,
I apologize for writing about shidduchim. I know all of you have probably had enough of the topic, but for people like me and our parents, it is a consuming topic and one that we suffer through every day, and it seems like this is the place where serious, quality shidduch-related discussion takes place.
My issue is with boys who lead girls to believe that they are interested in continuing dating or don’t know how to end a shidduch.
I just finished two such experiences. In the first, I went out with a boy a number of times. I probably would have continued going out, but he ended it. But he didn’t stam end it. He gave me a whole speech about how he so had a good time on the dates, and how he so might consider going out with me again at a later date, but right now he just doesn’t feel that it is going anywhere. He said he thinks I am a great person and I am really nice, ans yada, yada, yada.
Right after that disaster, I dated another boy. With this boy, I went out fewer times, but he really gave the impression that he was having a great time and that this might actually go somewhere. After the final date we had, he even said that he had a super time and was all jolly. Twenty minutes later, I got a phone call from the shadchan that he said no. He was dropping me like a hot potato after leading me to believe that it would probably continue.
So boys, two tips: If you are going to say no, say no. Don’t sugarcoat it. Don’t say how nice I am, and don’t make me believe that we might one day go out again.
And number two, if you know you won’t be going out again with me, don’t end the date having me believe otherwise. I would say that it might even be geneivas daas. Why do you have to play with my heart and my emotions?
A Girl in Crisis