Frum Yidden are always trying to grow. We have our ups and we have our downs, but even the weakest among us know in our hearts that our duty is to grow and become better people. I would like people to realize how we can be more sensitive. If you think about someone’s situation before you speak, you can be more sensitive.
We have to be so careful about what we say. Words can hurt so much, even though a person doesn’t even mean to say anything hurtful at all. We must think before we talk.
Here are some examples:
1. To someone who is looking to get married, but isn’t yet, it hurts when a person says things like, “My husband…,” “My wife…,” “My shaitel…,” etc. Don’t ask them, “How old are you?” Minimize talking about your spouse to someone who has not found his or her shidduch yet.
2. To someone who does not have children yet, it hurts when a person talks about their children in front of them. When you complain how tired you are and how the kids kept you up all night, it is very painful. You show a lack of appreciation for having children, which they long for so much. It hurts when you ask them how long they have been married. When you say things like, “Oh, you have free time,” or, “When you have children you’ll see,” it hurts. Likewise, it hurts when you ask them to be kvatter at a bris. They know you are doing it to be kind, but they don’t want to be singled out in a crowd and everyone seeing that they need the segulah to have children.
3. To someone who doesn’t have a job or needs money, don’t talk about your job or the new things you just bought. Don’t ask questions like, “Have you found a job yet?” or, “Did you see the newest…?” It hurts a lot.
Just look at the other person’s situation.
There are numerous other examples. Think before you speak.
The Matzav Shmoooze is a regular feature on Matzav.com that allows all readers to share a thought or analysis, long or short, one sentence or several paragraphs long, on any topic, for readers to mull over and comment on. Email submissions to firstname.lastname@example.org.