The Matzav Shmooze: Why I Go to a Hotel for Pesach

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pesachDear readers,

I have been finding the Jewish holidays more painful each year. I am a female, 59-year-old, attractive single, with no children and a small non-religious family (two sisters and a mother), all of whom live out of town. Despite the many invitations I receive in my community, I don’t have a family. Work is becoming more and more stressful and, frankly, I don’t have the mental energy to do all the preparations necessary. Changing over my kitchen has become more difficult…and for what?

I just am depressed and in tears with every holiday. The organized programs offer me a chance not to be dependent on others. I haven’t booked yet, because yes they are expensive and for single people outrageously more. There are no good options for Chol Hamoed if you are alone. And the programs are also family oriented and for someone without a family it is painful.

I have been Torah observant since my late 20’s and never thought I would consider becoming non-observant, but it frequently crosses my mind.

Sally E.

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The Matzav Shmoooze is a regular feature on Matzav.com that allows all readers to share a thought or analysis, long or short, one sentence or several paragraphs long, on any topic, for readers to mull over and comment on. Email submissions to editor@matzav.com.

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14 COMMENTS

  1. Hotels are great and if you have no family and that gives you a crowd to celebrate with, Baruch Hashem. That said, if you are observant and you can not be perfect thats probably the best you can do. Do what you think your Creator guides you to do and dont fret the details to infinity.

  2. You have two choices. You can either be alone for Pesach or you can be part of a family who invites you into their family for the chag. Why go to a hotel where you will be flying solo when you can accept the invitations extended to you from your own community? Connect to them and you won’t feel so alone. As a divorced woman myself, I frequently availed myself of this option, and I enjoyed being a part of several families.

  3. You said you do receive invitations – Pesach too?
    You sound like a very pleasant guest, why not share the holiday with your friends? For many people with families, it is a pleasure to have guests at the table. I was a single parent with teenagers, and found Shabbos HaGadol an ideal time to invite my friends with their families for a Shabbos meal. I also find Pesach preparations exhausting (this is the one time of year I actually miss being a parent of teenagers!) If you must make Pesach at home, simple meals, take out, make the most of life – there are challenges for all of us.

  4. it’s not easy being single and home either, even if you have family. often you can get forgotten and ignored, in addition to all the extra work when siblings come with their children- no! i do not want to babysit your children while you sleep. i put in alot of effort to prepare for your arrival and would like to take a nap too

  5. maybe there should be a hotel program for singles, what better way to meet people than spending a week together.
    to the writer, hashem took the yidden out in a flash, you’re mate can come just as quickly!!

  6. It is quite understandable the way you feel, and although I haven’t experienced that situation I know of others that are alone as well. I hope you have not given up on a shidduch, feel free to contact me at Ribco1@verizon.net I may have a name to suggest.

    Chag Sameach.

  7. I hope you enjoy your hotel friends; by now you probably have a warm working relationship; and that there is much to inspire and uplift and entertain. May Hashem be memaleh kol mishalos libeich for the obvious tova!

  8. I relate to what you write that “I never thought I would consider becoming non-observant, but it frequently crosses my mind.” Although I believe in Hashem and the Torah, and I believe in the infinite reward that we will one day receive for keeping Hashem’s mitzvos in such a dark world of pain and suffering, and although I believe there is meaning in all our suffering and one day we’ll even understand the holocaust… still and all, Pesach preparations are just too much. I often consider just throwing out my eternity and all the generations of sacrifice for G-d that my forefathers showed… just to get out of having to clean my home. So I fully relate to you.

    May Hashem open your eyes to His infinite love, and may you find your Bashert shortly!

  9. I fully relate to what you write that “I never thought I would consider becoming non-observant, but it frequently crosses my mind.” Although I believe in Hashem and the Torah, and I believe in the infinite reward that we will one day receive for keeping Hashem’s mitzvos in such a dark world of pain and suffering, and although I believe there is meaning in all our suffering and one day we’ll even understand the Holocaust (!)… still and all, Pesach preparations are just too much. I often consider just throwing out my eternity and all the generations of sacrifice for G-d that my forefathers showed, just to get out of having to clean my home. So I fully relate.

    Ok… Maybe NOT.

    But I do feel your pain. May Hashem open your eyes to His infinite love, and may you find your Bashert shortly!

  10. With your rotten negative attitude it’s no wonder you’re still single! Life throws us all, chalenges. Grow up & deal with it! Who are you threatning when you say you’ll go off the derech? You’re angry with G-D?!

  11. Sally E., I’m in basically the same situation as yours with much of the same feelings. I’m sure you don’t mean that you would, chas v’sholom, really leave Yiddishkeit. What would that help? After all these years of m’sirus nefesh to keep the mitzvos, you wouldn’t want to lose all your s’char. Is it possible you could get extra time off before Pesach to make the cleaning easier? I know I’m joining the thread quite late, so, you probably won’t even read this. If you do, please respond, so we can try to be m’chazek each other, and don’t pay attention to Mary – #10’s abusive and uncalled for remarks. I don’t want to elaborate now any more unless I get a response. Be well, and may H-shem help you to be renewed in this season of renewal!

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