Why Only After They Are Gone?


nosson-deitchBy a Yeshiva Bochur

I am a bochur learning at the Miami Yeshiva and was personally touched by the genuine kindness and infectious smile of Nosson Deitsch z”l, who got killed in an accident in Florida on Lag Ba’omer. The yeshiva is grieving for the loss of this great person who was taken from us at such a young age.

At a farbrengen this past Shabbos, a number of bochurim voiced an interesting question which was discussed for some time.

Why is it that only after his passing has Nosson’s purity and sensitivity been revealed and revered? Where was everyone before he passed away? Yes, everyone knew he was a nice person while he was alive, but would people go so far as to express similar sentiments that are being articulated since his tragic death even before his passing?

We realized that although everything about Nosson is true and even more than what has been written, when he was alive people took him for granted. On the day he died, so many people had to face the uneasy reality of losing a good friend.

Shouldn’t we endeavor to harbor similar feelings of fondness for people while we are still privileged to have them in our midst? Why is it that it is more comfortable to feel a genuine affection for someone we will not see until he is resurrected (may it be soon!).

This in no way diminishes Nosson’s authentic greatness. But as conveyed by many including Rabbi Y. Y. Jacobson, Nosson was a regular boy who ran a normal life. He was just an amazing person in this normal context. He wasn’t supernatural, wondrous or beyond understanding. He was a person who fulfilled his potential of kindness and lovingness.

In light of the above, we made a Hachlota to look at each other and at everyone in the way we view Nosson now. That is, realizing their good attributes, ignoring the negative and savoring the time we have to spend with each other.

This is surely a positive step in keeping Nosson’s legacy alive since he epitomized this uncontaminated viewpoint of every person, judging them favorably and kindly.

Appreciate everyone while we are fortunate enough to have them.

May Nosson’s neshama have an ascent in the merit of this great hachlata.

{Matzav.com Newscenter}


  1. I always felt this way.
    Thank you for speaking this out!
    May we merit to see only good in our fellow Yidden.
    Ube Middo she Odom dan ess Chaveiro Modedim Oisso!

  2. Very often only once a person experiences the loss of a strong friendship, do they realize what they had in the relationship.

    Every non-abusive relationship which has its ups and downs can be fixed up and achdus restored. Before Shavuos, isn’t it a good time to work on it?

  3. Talking about the Niftar in a good way is a form of nichum availim! Is there a need for that when the person is alive?!?

  4. Thank you so much for bringing this topic into the forefront!! If only everyone would strive to be like that in the way that you discuss in your article which you expressed very well, maybe there wouldn’t be so many Tzaros & hair-raising issue’s that many of us yidden have to deal with in our lives. Think about it everyone, if we all worked on our Bain Adam L’Chaveiro the way we should be, don’t you all think that it would give Hakadosh Boruch Hu a bigger Nachas Ruach to see his children acting to each other in a more accepting & respectful way which would hopefully then be a reason for HK”BH to finally bring us our yeshuah which we all hope for each & every day & are longing for, for so long!! Haven’t we all had enough of our share of Tzaros in which ever manner it came to us?

    May this be a reminder for each & every one of us when dealing w/ each other on a daily basis so that at the end of the day, HK”BH will have what to be proud of & then in light of this we should be zoche to see the geulah shlaimah very,very soon in our days!!