Rav Chaim: “Your Zivug Is Not Yet Born” – Now You Know The Rest of the Story


rav-chaim-kanievskyA man seeking a shidduch visited Maran Rav Chaim Kanievsky, seeking advice and a bracha. He was one of the many individuals who visit the Torah giant at his home on Rechov Rashbam in Bnei Brak during the afternoon hours.

The man, in his thirties, visited Rav Chaim about two months ago. Teary-eyed, he explained that he could not find a shidduch and asked Rav Chaim for a bracha. Rav Chaim probed the man’s details somewhat and reportedly responded, “Your zivug hasn’t been born. Bracha vehatzlachah,” leaving the man in tears, apparently despondent over hearing these words.

The man recently returned to Rav Chaim, this time with a smile on his face, announcing, “I am engaged.” Those present were somewhat surprised, wondering how he accomplished this during the two months after hearing Rav Chaim’s previous words.

The happy chosson explained that his kallah-to-be is a giyores who converted a month earlier, thus explaining the great Rav Chaim’s words, “Your zivug has not been born.”

{Yair Alpert-Matzav.com Israel}


  1. Rav Chaim Shlit”a is such a great man! There are so many ways to illustrate his Gadlus. Why must we come uo with such ridiculous stories???

  2. “Rediculous” is in the eyes of the beholder. If you cant take chizuk from such a story, why must you share that with everyone else?
    A Freilchen Chanuka!

  3. I heard that some askonim in america had the chutzpa to request this “odom sheloi posek pumei mamash” to travel to amreica to be mechazek their planed text message ban.

  4. Something does not make sense. Why would Rav Chaim Slita tell the man that his zivug is not yet born, potentioally causing the man much grief? Sometimes stories are not told over properly leading to exagerations and misquotes. Can someone verify the details of the story.

  5. This story is ridiculous – do you have any corroboration, do the chosson and kallah have a name? Why do we need to come onto bubbe myselach to have emunas chachomim?

  6. When a non-Jew undergoes a Kosher conversion and becomes a Jew, it is as though he or she is re-born.

    Maybe whatever the Rov Shlita said was all that he was permitted to say, and he ended the sentence with something good: “Bracha V’Hatzlacha.”

  7. I have talked to many older singles and after hearing their ridiculous list of requirements for a shidduch, I too have said “your zivig hasn’t been born yet. Halavai, everyone looking for a shidduch should have the same happy ending as this one.

  8. When the man heard that he realized, as #24 said, that perhaps the person with the criteria he is seeking does not exist, and he decided to open up his mind a bit. This is the derech hateva explanation, not to take away ch’v from the chashivus of R’ Chaim’s ruach hakodesh, but as a lesson for others in hishtadlus!

  9. #1 (sarcastically) i agree with you. And you also heard that story 3000 years ago of the Red sea just parting and the Jews walked through and then it ‘magically’ returned to drown the Egyptians and then 3,000,000 people were sustained in a desert for 40 years with some kind of poppy seeds that fell from heaven. Gosh who made all this stuff up.

    Sweetie pie, just because you didn’t actually hear the story firsthand is a very silly reason not to believe it! When you go to a bakery to buy bread, do you demand to watch it being made. ‘Maybe’ someone bought some bread from a different store and put it on the shelf in this store. And when you bought your car (big expense, something that you would want to know is not a dud) did you go to Japan to watch it being made? How can ou trust the guy that says that another guy sold him the car who told him that the importer told him that the distributor told him that the agent told him that the car was made in the factory that he claims it was being made. And all this is from a Goy who stands to make a big buck from you.
    There is a lot more I can say nut I will stop here!

  10. Comment from #14 Yid from Flatbush is certainly pertinent. Why would Rav Chaim want to cause a Yid grief?
    However what Chana wrote in #24 is a great way to go without hearing the full details.
    Great Remark!

  11. #24, exactly. Didn’t the heilige Steipler, Rav Chaim’s father himself, famously say those very words to another alte bucher? All he meant was, you’re out of your mind, young man, to be so picky at 39. Take stock of yourself, open your mind, drop your list, you’re not G-ds gift to women, and be more reasonable! Your zivug has not been born, a girl with money and looks and brains and yichus and height and weight precisely as you “require.”
    Bracha vhatzlacha! He dropped his list and found a fine young woman. Baruch Hashem.

  12. The story may be true in essence, but hard to accept that R Chaim would cryptically tell someone something which would cause so much pain, even if temporary.

  13. I think we yiden can be so gullible these days. Why do we so quickly believe these stories. I am not saying that such a story, unlikely as it is for any thinking person, happened but to have instant absolute belief in any story that comes along like this is silly. I know we have gedolim that are amazing, but even R’ Moshe Feinstein’s family complained about this with regards to him. Anyway, I am going back to my talking fish.
    Shallom! Ben in Monsey, NY.

  14. Perhaps RavChaim saw the zivug was not born yet, but did mot see it refered to a geyores,therefore he couldnot console the bochur then since .We bave to always judge favorably!

  15. sorry but this is not his gadlus.his gadlus is that he is ?? ???? ???? and nothing else.this should inspiere you and not these stories.

  16. Reb Chaim might have said “azans is noch nisht geboiren”, meaning such a girl (like you require) has not been born yet.
    In Hebrew it would sound: “Od lo nolda kazoth”.

  17. chochom odiff minovi this describes r chaim shlita his toradig penetrating mind borders on prophesy the gmoro says that ruach hakodesh did nt exist by bais sheni we re left with our tzadikim and their tora