Girl Thrown Out of School After Becoming a Kallah

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chosson_and kallahThe parents of C. did not expect this for an engagement gift. Their daughter, now 18 years old, has been thrown out of Seminar Moreshes Dalia in Bet Shemesh for getting engaged.

The kallah, who is in 12th grade, according to sources, is an outstanding and capable student, who took her parent’s advice to pursue a wonderful shidduch that had been redd to her, and, after meeting on a number of dates, got engaged to the boy, a bochur from a respected yeshiva.

Yesterday, a vort was held in honor of the engagement, and the kallah invited her friends from school to attend. Also invited was the assistant principal of the school, who was asked to join in the simcha.

The assistant principal indeed accepted the invitation – not to join in her celebration however, but to tell the kallah that she has been expelled from the school.  “You cannot return to school, because your engagement will create a ‘rifyon’ in the classroom,” the kallah was told.

According to a report by Kikar Shabbos, the assistant principal went to the home of the kallah where the vort was being held and made the kallah‘s friends leave the event and return home.  “The principal does not allow attendance at such events,” they were told.

The father of the kallah, shocked and dismayed, asked, “What is the my daughter’s crime? What offense did she commit?”

This phenomenon, it turns out, is not new. This is also common in certain yeshivos, when a boy decides to get married earlier than usual and is forced to leave the yeshiva immediately after his engagement.

Some have stated that there is a difference between a boy and a girl, and that with respect to a boy it can have a more drastic affect on his surroundings and his chaveirim. “With a girl, the effect is less,” said one chinuch expert. “And in light of the shidduch crisis, even in Israel, one would think that this would be taken into account.”

Many are dismayed by the school’s decision, especially prohibiting the girl’s from participating in their friend’s simcha.

{Yair Israel}


  1. ”You cannot return to school, because your engagement will create a ‘rifyon’ in the classroom,” the kallah was told.

    Maybe the hanhala of this school has a “rifyon” in their educational policies.

  2. I just put my daughter on a plane for seminary in Eretz Yisroel a couple of days ago. The seminaries have rules, and the student handbooks (or whatever you call them) say clearly that dating is forbidden without seeking permission in advance, and it is grounds for expulsion. I can not believe that there is a single parent that doesn’t know this. If marriage at such a young age is so important, then don’t go to seminary.
    A yeshiva, Bais Yaakov, a seminary or whatever institution is entitled to create whatever atmosphere it chooses. If a bochur or girl decides to make such a major move in his/her life, which absolutely does affect the atmosphere in a mosad, and not consult with the rosh yeshiva/mashgiach/menaheles/eim habayis or whomever, they probably don’t belong as a talmid there anyway.

  3. With teens maturing so early these years, and technology opening opportunities (no always positive) parents would do a favor by taking note and seeing which of their children would be better off marrying young. Yeshivos and girls schools should wake up and smell the coffee, change their ridiculous rules, let the parents be the ones to decide, and let friends rejoice with the kallah. Where in the Torah does this behaviour come from? Halbanas ponim, sinas yisroel, causing disrespect for elders.this could really tip off rebellion.
    I feel very sad to read all this, sadly I had teachers who could have acted the same way in the name of holiness, it just made everyone hate them more, and the girls who were shky in yiras shomayim got a good push off the deep end from these scenes.
    A gut yohr, may we have seichel to conduct all our dealings beruchniyus and gashmiyus in a way that is tiferes l’oiseho v’tiferes lo min hodom.

  4. The rule may be valid but the behavior of school after the infraction is beastly. The should be ashamed of themselves for making this furer at the simcha

  5. Has this become a seminary bashing website?
    These sources are probably nonfrum media who wish to discredit the Chareidim in every which way and look to find something wrong with us.
    You may not agree with this seminary but your daughter and my daughter didn’t attend there, so it’s not part of our business to fight their battles, we have enough of our own here!

  6. I’m trying not to read this too carefully, as I just remembered my Machsom l’fi hours started. Question: what’s the school policy? Do they have one?

  7. I should just mention that I remembered after starting to read. I did have this question and am trying not to read anymore on my way to posting it.

  8. Usaly when news is reported, it would be nice to hear if the other party “The School” was call and asked to explain. We all know in what kind of times we live in. Rules are rules.

    Post #2 I thank you for you post.

  9. As far as I know, it is not a new policy. I have heard often that schools have a rule that senior kallahs (and I guess kal vchomer junior) are not allowed to finish the school year with their class. I heard this from my sisters and they are out of high school for a number of years. And the truth is it makes sense. A kallah certainly will cause an upheaval in the class. They are now focused on and busy with something that is very different from high school lessons.

  10. If a girl and a boy and their families decide that the girl and boy are compatible and that they should get engaged, where does it say in Halacha that a school has the right to tell them that they should not engaged?

    Did the assistant principal have to shame the Kallah in front of her classmates and ruin the Simcha?

  11. #4,

    You say teen are mturing earlier now. Funny, on a nother thread where they were talking about a teenage kallah, people were horrified because chilren do not mature as early as they used to.

    Now I am not saying that you were one of the commentors, but there seems to be a stirah. Unless the tzad hashoveh is they are both opportunities to crticize thers and then hypocisy is the rule of the day.

  12. If the girl was encouraged by her parents to hear the shidduch, why was the school upset?

    Dating without parental approval – sure, that’s a real problem.

    But here it was at the parents’ request. So why the fuss?

  13. We hear so much today about the Shidduch crisis, and here B”H a girl and boy found each other at a young age. The girl is 18, not 15. She entered into the Shidduch with parental approval.

    If the Seminary doesn’t like it, I’m sure that the parents and the girl and boy can put the Seminary tuition money to better use.

    There’s no law in the Torah that says that a girl has to go to “13th Grade.”

  14. I agree with those opposed to early marriage. Promiscuity and out of wedlock birth is a better approach and is the one adapted by the U.S. public school system. In New York city you can even get birth control in school. It is good to see the schools in Israel are adapting the enlightened approach of the US. Sarah Palins daughter would not have been expelled since she was not married.

  15. #6, are you serious, or have been hit in the head?

    6. Comment from someone who cares
    Time September 3, 2009 at 2:27 PM

    Has this become a seminary bashing website?
    ***These sources are probably nonfrum media who wish to discredit the Chareidim in every which way and look to find something wrong with us****.
    You may not agree with this seminary but your daughter and my daughter didn’t attend there, so it’s not part of our business to fight their battles, we have enough of our own here!

  16. YZ,

    Did you read the article? The girl is in 12th grade. Not seminary or 13th grade.

    The school did not say do not get married, just that the girl cannot stay in high school.

    It will be very disruptive if she stasy. Just imagine, all the girls normally would be busy with their studies and preparing for finals and even for seminary if that is their plan and there is one girl who instead will be picking out items to set up a household and going to kallah classes and picking out a trousseau. Hardly items that are consistent with being in a high school class and probably not items that are meant to be discussed with high school friends.

    I am fairly certain that there is more to the story anyway certainly as relates to attendance at the vort.

  17. im really curious to know what would happen if this girl was a daughter of a prominent supporter of this school or big rosh yeshiva if the outcome would be the same . me says NO!

  18. i think the problem today is is that everyone is so busy worrying about their girls and they are forgetting that they have boys in there twenties still at home waiting.

  19. This is standard procedure in most American Bais Yaakovs as well . If the girl were allowed to stay she could destroy the whole year for the rest of the class . In addition in some cases ,she is busy talking to her choson weekly or more often ,and it is not necessary for her to share all of her chasanah preparations and personal issues of this nature ,with her classmates .

  20. #21, the girl is 18, not 15.

    Does it matter whether she’s in 12th Grade or Seminary? Why can’t she finish out the year and graduate, if she met her Zivug?

    Even if she’s picking out household items and a trousseau, are these “dirty words” ?

  21. The concept makes perfect sense and many schools have it as a matter of policy. The way it was reported as done sounds wrong, though with news reports, who knows what really happens?

  22. 25,

    If this is just hitting the news, I assume that it is the beginning of the school year. Presumably she will be getting married shortly. So it is not a matter of finishing out the school year, rather it is a matter of a full year in school as a married women together with a high school class.

    The words are not dirty words, however it is not consistent with high school.

    This has been a policy for years in many schools here in the US and overseas. I do not know what the big shock is.

    It is the same in the sephardi schools here, where it is common to have senior kallahs.

    # 19 obviously has no sense. I suspect he will be marrying of his children at 14 with the approval of a judge.

  23. they threw out a grandchild of Rav Ch.Kanievsky from yeshiva for getting engaged
    early. he was very upset and did not accept the
    menahel’s excuses

  24. The school is 100% right. The girl should have waited until after the school year ended. A girl getting engaged in 12th grade is a big distraction.

    My mother is a teacher in Bais Yaakov High School in B.P., and she said it is common practice that girls who get engaged in 12th grade are not allowed to continue the year.

    However, from the way the story is written, it appears the school could have used a lot more tact in the way they handled the situation…

  25. to #20
    I was referring to another recent story about not wearing makeup on the wedding day and then I saw the source was Yediot Achronot.
    I don’t think that it’s our job to go around Israel looking to bash all of their schools, and often it’s the media who looks to discredit our lifestyle who brings forth these stories and prints them out of proportion. Why the insult? I don’t think I said anything wrong!!
    I think especially in Elul we should not look to criticize everyone out there, if our children don’t go to those schools, perhaps we don’t know the whole picture and can’t look at these stories objectively.

  26. When I was in 12th grade (years ago) 2 of my classmates got engaged. WE understood that they would have to leave, and indeed they did. Another girl who wanted to finish HS pushed of announcing her engegement officially till after finals, becuase of the rule. The rule makes a lot of sense.
    However – we, the classmates, were permitted to attend the simchas and be mesamayach our friends.


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