Matzav Inbox: Is This Too Much To Ask From My Guests?

Get a cleaning lady and stop kvetching. If chesed is to difficult for you and your not getting the kavod and thank you’s that you expect, so lock your doors and stop inviting people in. It’s a free country/world. You come off sounding like a selfish grubby narcissistic pleasure seeking yenta.

I host guests almost every week, I don’t want them taking off the linen. I want the room to look presentable until my cleaning help can do it mid week. If this is your personal preference- kindly ask them if they can remove the linen. I am sure they wouldn’t mind if you asked. They can’t read your mind.

May I beg to differ? I have probably hosted hundreds (literally) of guests throughout my over 50 years of marriage.
Almost ALL guest ask if they should remove the linen. Nine times out of ten I say no, but thanks for asking. It works better for me to remove the linen ( or have it removed) by my cleaning lady just before I wash it and put it back on. I don’t appreciate a room with no linen and no time to do it as I work. I can honestly say that in all the years (still ongoing) 99% of guest leave the premises ok enough.
A Yiddishe Mamma

Why not complete your welcoming remarks to your guests with a request that they remove the linens and put them … before they leave. Tell them where you want them to put the linens.
If the guest will likely be in a rush when they leave, then suggest that they remove the linens as soon as they get out of bed.

Omg! Seriously! I thought they left the room in disarray. I’ve read diff articles and surveys about this topic. Not everyone agrees with you. I FOR ONE PREFER THE LINEN STAYS ON THE BED UNTIL IM READY TO WASH IT BEFORE THE NEXT GUEST ARRIVES. Wow! What have we come to! Writing public forum letters about any topic we deem catastrophic. If u give out ur rooms for guest and are so particular about what you want from them -by golly- leave a nice written list of rules and expectations where they can see. Stop bashing klal yisroel!

I have a guest room where we host guest almost every shabbasy. I prefer they do not remove linen and most of the time lined gets ripped / zippers broken etc when guest try to take off.
The question is why can’t you simply ask the guest. When you leave please….

Leaving trash around – not nice
Leaving linen on – ok

Maybe they expect you to reuse the linen?
Seriously though we have had the same problem but the linen isn’t something I expect them to remove. It’s worse. They break lamps (or thoe kids do), stain carpets, etc.
And unlike many, we let orchim use our guest suite for free.

I actually don’t like when the linen is taken off by guests I prefer the bed being made until my house keeper takes it off and washes it
As a guest though I do ask my hosts if they want me to take off the linen

I find something much more irksome than the linens. Everyone knows you don’t flush baby fresh wipes down the toilet. Oh, but it says it is flushable. Tell that to the plumber when he comes. Secondly, when applicable, don’t run electric heaters or air conditioners 24hr if you are not in the room for more than an hour. I have given guests electric timers and told them to use them and have noticed it not being used. They could leave the room at 10 in the morning and not come back before 3. Hey, that cost us money and they are staying for free. Don’t abuse the system.

Actually, I’m with you on the linen issue. I always request (if asked) that guests strip the beds. However, I have to tell you that many times when I’ve been a guest the host specifically requests that I not remove the linen (for a variety of reasons). This often leaves me unsure of what to do. So, darned if you do. Darned if you don’t.

You make a great point but with all truth and honesty perhaps the reason the guests leave the linen on the beds is because they want the guest room to look the same nice way it looked when they first arrived to stay in your house. Versus leaving your house and the room with a pile of linen on the floor and looking ugly and looking as if they are messy disorganized people.

You contradict yourself

” It is a fundamental expectation that guests should leave the accommodation in the same, ….For crying out loud, take off the linen! ”

so they shouldtn leave it the same?

I am appalled that someone can have these feelings if my guests would take off the linen I would never survive the embarrassment of it, just like I don’t want them to mop the floor so too I do not want them to take off the linen
Avrohom Avinu and Sarah Eemeinu did not require or expect their guests to take off their linen.

If people have limited capabilities, then they should inform their guests, but chas vsholom not to be upset,
My issue is with your being upset.

“Your Host” meaning Matzav’s editorial board. You guys just do this to get the people hocking

Take the linens off?
That’s news to me.
I always assumed to leave the room clean and neat to look like it looked when I walked in.
So l make the bed and blankets and towels etc exactly like I found it when I first arrived.

Thanks for your Hachnosos Orchim. I hear where you are coming from, however, growing up, my mother (and my wife) were always annoyed when guests took off the linen. Often the linen cant be washed for a few days and it leaves the room messy. When i am a guest, i dont remove the linen.

As a bochur, I had no idea or thought to take off the linens..
Always left the bed neatly made, the same way I found it.
Actually I would have thought the opposite, leaving the mattress exposed, would be messy…
Thanks for bringing it up!

Seriously? If you don’t want to host guests, don’t. Not all hosts want the linen removed so to assume that a host does isn’t always accurate. Some hosts like linen to stay on the bed till their cleaning help comes. Some hosts want to wait until the next time they are hosting to put it in the machine. Some guests leave late at night or really early in the morning and just need to get out with their children. Don’t make this into the next big issue when this is your problem.

You are correct and wrong at the same time. As a guest it is basic courtesy to remove linen. However from a hachnosas orchim aspect you as a host should have no expectations from guests to do that. From the mere fact that you are writing this letter shows that your heart is not in the correct place while doing this important Mitzvah, I’m sorry to say.

Ive done it a few times but then the bed looks bad and sometimes the mattress is even dirty and that embarrasses the host. Also, i think some hosts keep the linen on from guess to guest and dont wash it every time. Im not here to judge or to make it more difficult for them. I think its expected to leave the bed the same way you found it.

Not every host wants guests to remove the linen. If you have things that you expect from your guest why not leave a paper or card in your guest room with your set of rules.

I have been a guest in homes where this was done and appreciated it immensely. I can’t read my host’s mind nor can they read mine. How about being Dan l’kaf zechus?

FYI, there are many hosts who prefer that the linen be left on, so the room looks neater, until they can get around to washing it. Perhaps guests should ask their hosts if they’d like them to strip the linen or not.

In my opinion, if they do, it’s a plus, but it’s not an expectation. As long as the room is left fairly neat and clean, that’s fine. (You’re going to need to clean the room afterwards anyway. )

It starts in Shul when they would not put back their Siddurim, chumoshim, or any other seffer that took out.
I was asked why some places they give the Choson “Psicha” either by shabbos sheva Brochos or the Aufruf?
I said it’s a “Shalom-Bayis” issue, Learn the marriage motto, “If you took something out, put it back as you found it”.

Why just take off the linen, why not wash it then remake the beds, vacuum up the house, wash the windows etc. etc.

A normal hostess doesn’t want her guests to take off the linen before they leave. Sleeping in the beds is a normal activity that the hostess undertakes responsibly for. If the guests did something unusual that created an unreasonable and unexpected mess that’s something else.

“Is This Too Much To Ask From My Guests?”

Why not ask them and find out!!!!

Clearly, your guests don’t know that except them to remove the linen because most hosts don’t expect them too.

Instead of whining on Matzav, all you have to do is let your guests know beforehand that you expect them to remove the linen before they leave. You can tell them verbally or leave them a nice note.

Not everyone knows…sometimes people leave the linen on. Other times a cleaning lady is coming by to do it.
It comes from a lack of knowledge.
The answer is simple. Put up a friendly sign. “Kindly strip the linen before you leave”
Then people know. I promise you it will take care of the majority of the problems.

.

I also have many guests. Some guests ask me if they should strip the linen. I have been a guest by people who specifically asked me not to strip the linen because their cleaning lady was not coming for several days. I think as a guest the most important thing is to leave the room orderly. If you can not ask your host if they prefer that you strip the linen then make the beds neatly. Make sure there is no food or garbage lying about. Leave the room as neatly as possible. Remember to thank your host or leave a note thanking them for your wonderful accommodations.
I was brought up in a home where hachnosis orchim was a given any time of day or night. To me I feel that having people is a zechus. If you really need to have the beds stripped then the best way is to ask nicely “It would be such a help to me if you could strip the beds.” Most people will be glad to help out.
May the zechus of hosting bring you much nachas from your family.
A well-seasoned Bubby.

Wow, this is seriously what someone writes in about and matzav thinks this is an issue worth our time? I thought she was going to say that they left garbage strewn across the floor or kids colored on the walls and didn’t say something, stained the blankets and pillows with ink, etc. Not removing the linens?!? When I am a guest (rarely), I often ask my host if they want me to remove the linens or not. I personally don’t like when guests remove the linens, as they sometimes put them in ways that are not helpful to me and I prefer to change them myself at my own convenience. Everyone has their own preferences so guests cannot possibly read your mind. It’s very sad that people do mitzvos with strings and expectations of their own preferences. If you are going to do a mitzvah, do it b’simcha. Be happy that you have the zchus of doing hachnasas orchim and time to do so – many people don’t have the space or resources to have guests. Also, that you have so many simchas going on, rather than tragedies, that many people deal with. I don’t usually like to criticize people who write in but this is so petty and judgmental, I felt it was important to speak up.

Not the fault of the guests who are not demanded to take it off in hotels either. Many hosts prefer the linen are left on the beds and they’ll take it off at their convenience. If this bothers you or anything else, hang a sign on the door or wherever, with instructions.

By the way, do you tell your married children to help you in the kitchen, clean off from the table and clean up after themselves before they leave or you don’t have the courage to tell them because they’re a rachmonus as it’s late and have young children to take home?

I would never want my guests to have to remove the linen before they leave. I am stunned that this letter writer considers this “basic mentchlichkeit, etiquette and respect”. Obviously, your guests have know idea that you expect this of them, so YOU JUST HAVE TO TELL THEM TO PLEASE REMOVE THE LINEN BEFORE LEAVING.

I am often a guest.

I always ask my host if I should remove the linen. You would be surprised how often the answer is no for various reasons.

I have a friend who hosts almost all the time. She had to put up signs in the guest bathroom about not flushing certain items.

If the linen situation is your only complaint consider yourself lucky.

how about filling up garbage cans in the bathroom and not emptying them before you leave?

How pathetic. People aren’t mentshlich because they don’t remove the linen?! Many people aren’t even aware that this is something that should be done. Many have housekeepers who deal with the aftermath of guests, in which case removing the linen is not on the table. And why is it less a part of the Mitzvah of hachnosas orchim to remove the linen yourself than it is to wash the linen yourself? Do you expect them to wash the linens for you too? Would you set up the room for your guests and leave the linens on a side table, leaving the guests to put them on the beds themselves? Of course not! So get over yourself, and deal with your guests magnanimously.

this has got to be a troll, but JIC.
We take off the linen every time.
And we have been told on occasion “pls dont! my cleaning help only comes wednesday, i would rather it stay on the bed and look mentchlich than sit crumpled in the hamper for half the week”.

Of course because were mentchlich, we ignored our host and stripped the linen anyway! just because THEY are obviously not mentchlich doesnt mean WE should lower our standards, no?!

Kidding aside, maybe, as in the above account, people have different ideas of what is appropriate?

Perhaps you can leave a small sign in the room, to the effect of “love having you, if you can help with removing the linen after your done…”!

ANd if you say they should have basic decency and leaving such a note is awkward, then I would say YOU should have basic decency to realize that not everyone shares the same idea of what is basic decency, so YOU arent being that mentchlich in assuming that.

First of all, don’t jump to conclusions that it is a lack of mentchlickeit. There could be many reasons why someone doesn’t take the linen off after staying in someone else’s home. I for one, will always ask the host/ess whether they prefer i strip the linen or leave it on. either way i would at least make the bed, clean up garbage and if possible take it with me.
It can be that they were rushing to catch a flight.
They had three cranky kids and just wanted to get them to bed.
Many people have hired help that prepares the guest room and will clean up too.
Some people prefer to at least have linen on the bed if they will not get to wash it right away.
And lastly, if you are not prepared to clean up after guests in case they don’t, then say no to having them.

You clearly have different expectations than your many guests. Clearly, it is not considered basic mentchlichkeit for a guest to remove the linen from the bed before leaving. Proper etiquette is dictated by societal standards, you don’t get to decide what is proper behavior and was isn’t. So, you have four choices: #1.) You can tell your guests what YOU expect from them or #2.) You can accept that society doesn’t expect guests to take off their linen before they leave or #3.) You can stop hosting guests or #4.) You can continue to pretend to be nice to your guests and then complain about them behind their backs. — something tells me that you will choose #4

I actually prefer my guest don’t take off the linen.
If you can’t handle having guest then don’t.

I would consider it weird if a guest of mine took off the linen. I put the linen on the bed and it’s not their place to remove it!

Is it took much to ask for people to do chessed without complaining about it?

Come on and say already what’s really bothering you.

The truth is that you hate hosting guests but you are embarrassed not too. So you invite guests and then resent them.

Oy vey, my orchim left without scrubbing my floors and washing my windows

Must be Slow shmooze day

Again, for at least the THIRD straight “schooze”, Matzacv ahs let in someone who is obviously just trolling.

So yet again, I ask, WHO IS EDITING THIS SITE??

Respectfully, perhaps (not perhaps) this kind of chesed is just not for you. If you can make such a big deal about changing a few linens once a week – for guests no less to the point that you feel the need to vent on a public forum than you need to close shop.
This kind of wining has no place on a public forum. I will say this to the though, most probably your guests may not know what you prefer and feel uneasy asking you and so they assume if nothing was said than it’s assumed nothing needs to be done. You could have simply left a note welcoming your guests and requesting if they wouldn’t mind taking off the linen before they leave and I’m certain they would have obliged and case closed. With all the tzoros we have in klal yisroel, this is your biggest problem???

I’ve been at Hachnosas Orchim suites, where there was a poster of some rules/requests of guests
I.E. *Help yourself to whatever is in the fridge
*A/C …..
*Please strip the linen and put in the hamper
*Enjoy your stay

I think everything was covered here. But I’ll add anyway. I have a free guest room and I do not want my guests to take off the linen.

I will add , please DO NOT FLUSH ANYTHING EXCETP TOILET PAPER! you have no idea what a sewer backup causes and what it means to clean it up. In addition to the cost of having it cleared.

Bs”d
My husband, myself and my son recently rented an apartment for Pesach; i.e. we PAID for the use of the apartment for the whole Pesach, and for time before and after. My husband and I , felt it was only menchlich to not only strip the beds, but wash them also, as they had given us reschus to use the washing machine and dryer. We also felt it was only mechlich to leave the apartment as we found it, so we vacuumed where necessary, and cleaned up the kitchen.
However, I agree that the mitzvah of hachnosos orchim should be done with the attitude that, as long as the apartment is still in working order, it is sufficient. Hosts and guests both have to act in the right way.

Matzav.com – maybe do a survey – to take the linen off or leave the linen on?

I haven’t been able to read all the comments, but of the ones I did read, I see nobody mentioned Shabbos guests coming ten minutes or less to lichtzen, or, as I have experienced many times, arriving five minutes before shkiah!

We have a sign on the wall regarding הפקר and the linen, we write there:
“Do not make the beds upon leaving because we wash the sheets anyway after you leave.”

I won’t want guests make the beds, they are our guests, it is a waste of their time.

I personally would like them to strip the sheets.

Nobody ever asks if they should strip the sheets. (That would be mentschlich of them to ask in my opinion.)

99% don’t strip the sheets and make the beds anyway, I would assume that they don’t want to leave the house in disarray.

We once hosted bochurim on Shabbos, and one of the bochurimn apparently got drunk and threw up in the bed and just covered it up with the blanket… we found it on Wednesday.

גדולה הכנסת אורחין מקבלת פני שכינה

We try to do it as much as we can.

No mitzvah should make you nervous.

Matzav is publishing one dumb shmooze after the other. Basically anyone with an unpopular opinion comes and writes something nonsensical. Matzav loves it cuz of the traffic it generates.

We used to get invited to stay by others and we’d always leave the apartment we stayed in looking so pristine you’d think no one lived there. What’s our secret? Simple – we’d strip the beds, remove all the linens, and carry them out to our van. Then we’d come back in and get the bedroom furniture. If there as a kitchen set? Ditto. For some reason we wouldn’t get repeat invitations, but we were extremely considerate guests who never left anything behind for our hosts to clean. As an added bonus, we now have a nicely furnished house of our own, although some of our furniture may be a bit mismatched. Perhaps one day we’ll have guests over. We just don’t plan on inviting anyone who owns a van.

P.S.
Don’t forget the towels, soaps, shampoos, toilet paper, post, pans, dishes – it’s like a mini department store, but it’s all a gemach!

for all those commenting”do chesed without complaining”
rthats not the issue
the issue is where is the menchlechkeit
someone opens their house to you for shabbos
the least you can do is a0 bring a gift
b) ask what should i do with the linen
C) dont leave your garbage empty the garbage cans etc
DO WHAT YOU WOULD WANT DONE IN YOUR HOUSE
we love doing chesed but its these unconsiderate people that make it very hard

FROM THE PERSPECTIVE OF A GUEST….

Most of the comments above are repetitions of the same 3 or so viewpoints. So, I think this comment is a little different, and so I hope it gets read by the author of this unfortunate opinion-piece.

1) When I used to be a bochur from chutz l’aretz and came to stay as a Shabbos guest in peoples’ homes in Israel, I was deeply appreciative of being hosted, and tried my utmost to be courteous and careful of the room and access that my hosts had generously provided me with. YET, I had never heard of “stripping the linen” – not the phrase nor even the concept. (Perhaps it was because I am a baal teshuva and grew up in a home that never really hosted guests. Perhaps because the closest thing I had to compare being hosted to was a hotel stay, where I don’t think one is ever expected to strip the beds.) But regardless, please don’t take my, or a guest’s, ignorance of that one issue as an overall attitude of disrespect or poor middos, when the guest is otherwise generally kind, respectful and careful with the room.

2) You wrote: “leave … in the same … condition than they found it.”
So you’re saying they found their rooms with the beds UNMADE!? What an annoying and niggardly host!

3) With an intro like “treat it with the utmost care”, then if not stripping the linens is your only example of this, your gripe is pathetically unwarranted and unfair.

4) Woe to one who regrets doing a mitzvah. Chazal looks down on such an attitude as worse than not having done the mitzvah/maaseh tov in the first place.

The op is very bored. this is what upsets you. Then I am sure every little narrishkeit of yeneh irks you as well. You have too much anger and are too particular or you are trolling.

This is an ancient discussion. It usually goes together with scraping the dishes or stacking the dishes. These were discussed 15 years ago in letters to the Yated.

Not everyone has cleaning help… this is your way of showing appreciation. I have guests almost every week, multiple guest rooms. I have a sign that says to please strip the beds – no, I don’t want to touch your dirty linen! And worse than leaving the linen on, is making the bed. Then I don’t know which bed you slept on and I have to wash all the beds! Most people take off the sheet, but leave the duvet cover on. Do they think it’s not washed between each guest?!? DEFINITELY TAKE OFF THE LINEN!