Dear Editor,
I am writing to express my concern over the excessive spending on Sheva Brachos, parlor meetings, and so on in our communities. It seems that these celebrations have turned into something resembling a fancy wedding, complete with singers, orchestras, and catering that is far beyond what is necessary.
While Sheva Brachos are certainly a time to celebrate, it is important to remember that they are meant to be a simple and joyous occasion. The focus should be on the chosson and kallah, and friends and family coming together to wish them well as they begin their married life.
Unfortunately, what we are seeing now is a trend towards over-the-top spending that is completely out of control. The amount of money being spent on these celebrations is simply staggering, and it is clear that this is not what this simchos and events are supposed to be about.
By turning these events into something that is more like a fancy wedding, we are raising the bar to a ridiculous level and causing tremendous damage.
I urge our community to reconsider this trend and to return to the simple and joyous celebrations. Let us focus on the true purpose of these events, and do so in a way that is inclusive and respectful of everyone in our community.
Sincerely,
H.L.
I am writing to express my concern over the excessive jealousy over Sheva Brachos, parlor meetings, and so on in our communities. It seems that these celebrations have turned into something resembling a fancy wedding, complete with singers, orchestras, and catering that create jealousy far beyond what should be. Fagin and be happy for others who BH can and do afford it.
What about $50,000.00 vach Nacht?
yup this yid is exactly the problem folks. Any time someone who’s actually happy with less oilem hazeh and more torah and mitzvos speaks out against this is canceled with the Jealousy argument. Couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s Chazal who said what you’re doing is wrong. Now if you’re more modern orthodox then just say so and I would know there’s no point in arguing with you. The Rambam writes that the more oilem hazeh the less Torah. Face that fact and own up to it and stop pretending to be torah loving jew.
Hershel – so well stated.
Keep it up, and decisively refute those who try to muddy the waters by turning things on their heads.
Would you rather these people spend on Superbowl tickets or Hidur Mitzva? On their wive’s wardrobes or on Tzedaka functions? Rolexes or Simchas Chosson vKallah? Luxury cars or Simcha Shel Mitzvah? We spend money on what we are Machshiv! The more we are Machsiv thing the more we spend on them! B”H these people are Machshiv Mitzvos!!!!!
Sheva Brachos, parlor meetings, and so on might be your idea of Oilam Hazeh but many chushuv people see them as Avods Hashem and gladly spend their hard earned money on them Likavod Hashem. Don’t be Dan L’kaf Chovah. and don’t be jealous, you too spend more for theses things than you spend for your vacations , just your vacations cost less than theirs do.
We have nicer esrogim, tefillin, taalesim, sefrei Torah, pesach sedorim, Chanuka menoras, Mehudar Matzos etc etc. We have nicer Shules and mikvaos and so many chesed oranizations with literally billions of dollars spent on Chesed and Mitzvos.
Kol Hakovos to those who spend on Vorts, Parlor meetings and Sheva Brachos and all other mitzvos.
It’s not a matter of jealousy. It’s a matter of right and wrong. And it IS wrong to.spend needlessly and make over the top parties. It is a travesty and sin to bring in a kallah on a ype of fancy chair with male porters to.go through all men on the way in to the sheva brachos. For example. And I wish that couple well.
You see a “trend”?? This has been bad for a long while already and even still getting considerably worse. It’s part of the excessive indulgence in worldly pleasures that is a sickness of this generation. It has nothing to do with Torah and Mitzvos and is the furthest thing from the Ratzon Hashem. Wake up Yidden!
Another miserable person who believes we came here to suffer and the more miserable we are the more Hashem loves us. I got news 4 u we are children of the king an that’s how we should treat ourselves. Spend an enjoy specially for dvar mitzva. Get out of our skin.
If you can lift up all your fingers and say what Reb Yehuda Hanosi said then I’ll let you be. Till then it makes me miserable that you and your likes think that fattening up on all this worlds pleasures brings happiness. Enjoy Seudas Achashverosh!
No. We don’t have to suffer. We have to enjoy the world within reasonable limits. Massive waste of money is not reasonable.
I suggest “Takahanah” sheva Brachos and “Takahnah” parlor meetings.
Herring and keechlach, juice and water. That’s it. Let’s not make other moisdos and other couples feel as second class moisdos and second class young couples.
No more the 25 people at these events. 30 people For those whose need “exceptions”.
That the Torah way. Pas bamelach tochal in this case herring b’pas…
The money part meaning the profit for the moisad or the youngehmann is already “bashtimet” on Rosh Hashanah.
The only other idea is to make these parlor meetings on Rosh Hashanah as ‘simanah milsah’ but the details have yet to be worked out.
There’s a vast space between herring and kuchel, and Dubai themed, or actual Dubai sheva brachos
What about 2 city 2 vorts and each at 5k minimum?
Going to extravagant Pesach “programs” in exotic goyishe locations are 100 times worse.
100% THIS
True
100% correct! People with little self esteem often try buying it for money.
nailed it
I fail to grasp who is the target audience of this message. The reality is that we have heeded the treife message of the culture that surrounds us, and we have relabeled luxuries as necessities. This crosses all boundaries and groups. Can women wear the sdame outfit to more than one family simcha? How often do we hear of the need to buy additional dresses because “I already wore that to an earlier event”? Why do so many weddings need choirs of singers, besides the celebrity main singer? Must the fund raising dinners have elaborate musical entertainment and lavish menus (that actually deduct from the potential for profit)? Must we provide huge amounts of nosh, candies, and delicacies in our homes? Must we have every single nosh that is available in the goyishe world produced with a good hechsher so we can have it in our homes? Why, before Purim, have our grocery stores limited food items, refilling that space with every imaginable form of junk food? Have we redefined Purim as a day of pigging out?
It is much broader than the parlor meetings and Sheva Brochos. It is about shifting our lifestyles into the decadence of preoccupation with luxury. This comes at huge expense. Can’t we do with less? SHouldn’t our money be spent on more useful things? Aren’t there enough charitable causes to support?
Just Wondering re: I fail to grasp who is the target audience of this message.
Target audience seeks those able to strongly convey a point in few words without needing to author a book-like comment. Sorry, you’re out.
Okay.
Yes – You are 100% correct. Same goes for aufrufs – used to be a simple kiddush in shul followed by a Shabbos seuda of the immediate family in the house. Now it has become a Friday night and Shabbos morning catered affair. WHY??
But the same is true of the dinners that are mosdos and tzedakah organizations are making. WHY?
If I attend a tzedakah affair, I feel that my donation is going to pay for the affair rather than for the tzedakah it represents. Doesn’t make me feel like I am doing something good with my hard-earned money.
And if I am making a simcha extravaganza and have to beg people to attend (I should be mevatel my shiur or not be able to eat the Shabbos seuda with my family, etc) am I doing a good thing or bad thing?
You be the judge next time you are asked to attend such a simcha and you either decline or begrudgingly attend because they came to you.
Wake up rabbosai – we are creating our own problems. WHY??
Amen! Many of our schools and charity funds are hurting for money that’s where our money and focus should be.
Actually we have more well-funded organizations, more Yeshivos and Kollelim and more tzedakah given than ever before. Exponentially more.
We have nicer esrogim, tefillin, taalesim, sefrei Torah, pesach sedorim, Chanuka menoras, Mehudar Matzos etc etc. We have nicer Shules and mikvaos and so many chesed oranizations with literally billions of dollares spent on Chesed and Mitzvos.
Kol Hakovos to those who spend on Vorts Parlor meetings and Sheva Brachos.
Get a life and stop being jealous of people who have more money than you.
What sage advice. I’ll definitely do this but I’ll still be pained and saddened at the state Klal yisroel finds itself in. Dor Yasom! Remember folks only a fifth left Mitzrayim! Amazing how easily the goyishe culture has allowed so much of Torah and its teachings to be overlooked and rendered irrelevant….Hashem Yerachem!
Okay. Np.
Eat drink and be merry
Perhaps the author is right for most people. People that are not part of the well-heeled frum and fancy crowd would be wise to listen to him.
The ones who are loudly protesting may belong to a different economic class.
On the other hand, rich people have different needs, to a degree. Chazal even taught us about די מחסורו, that rich need extra and different type of help should they be hit by a downturn.
Haha you bring a chazal to back your point. Such a picker and chooser here what suits you and your type best. Get the real understanding and context.
My worry isn’t as much for you as it is for the next generation growing up in this lap of luxury. Mamash like being at the doorstep beis zona! Hashem yishmor
Basically mind your own business!!!!
Fargin for the other family.
If you don’t want to spend (or can’t) then
don’t.
Why do you want to set rules for others to follow.
You chose your lifestyle & they chose theirs.
You decide for yourselves & maybe your very immediate family.
You don’t decide for anyone else
Sorry for the tough truth but you’re in the wrong religion with that attitude! You may be a good jew who Davens, puts on Tefillin, learns the Daf, etc. but that’s not what Yiddishkeit and Torah is about. It’s about our tafkid in this world and kiddish Shem shamayim and Torah dictates what that is. Farginning is an essential midah to be used in the right place and right time. You would have told Pinchas to not kill Zimri I suppose. Start working on this before it’s too late.
Yad Eliezer has an Adopt-A-Wedding program where any Baal Simcha who is making a wedding can sponsor a wedding that same night for a needy couple in Eretz Yisroel as a zechus for the Chosson and Kallah. It’s all right to choose how you want to spend your money, but doing the extra Chessed by showing others that you care about them at the time of your Simcha will go a long way. Maybe when a couple is zoche to marry off their child, they can think of a Shidduch for their child’s friend/classmate/cousin and show that they care about others. Mazel Tov!
The Holy Reb Aharon Kotler of lakewowas was wont to quote the Chovos Halevovos who states explicitly that ahavas olam haze and ahavas olam habo
Can’t coexsist in one person.Check it it is the Mishnah Aharon.(as for yid learn
The Chovos Halevovos BIYUN.)
It has nothing to do with jealousy. Take a look at mesilas yesharim and you will discover that life on this world is temporary and one’s purpose is to serve Hashem and not to serve one’s desires. This over the top spending is antithesis to the Torah and wreaks from Gavah
First of all you must differentiate between parlor meetings, dinners, and other mosdos related events which are really business events designed to bring in money for a mosod and personal events like weddings, sheva brochos, vorts, vaccht nachts, bar mitzvas, kiddish. I agree in principle with the letter writer some people do go overboard however 2023 is not 1983 and 1983 is not 1953. Let me explain, I have a friend whose eldest daughter got engaged he was going to show everyone he’s going to make a lechayim in house. The problem was he and his wife have many siblings. They have many children ke”h. They only had one entrance to the house so men and woman used the same entrance. By two hours in it was pure chaos. His wife had to take off from work to set up and prepare. da Yes it’s doable but you must know your circumstances. I was once upset about the big vacht nact parties as its not even a sudas mitzva. Yes once again people go overboard but as I have seen many times, a yungerman has a baby and he wants to invite his friends. Most can’t come to the bris so the vaccht nacht became the second best. Bar mitzvas, Weddings and sheva brochos have a minimum. In addition as I learned the hard way some caterers especially for weddings have 3 or 4 packages but, if you don’t upgrade, they’ll nickel and dime you which will come out about the same as the upgrade. Yes the hot kiddish can definitely be downgraded. Shuls should make takonos what can be served at a kiddish in a shul.
You make some good points.
Btw, they attempted to institute “Simcha guidelines” back in the 80’s and it went nowhere. At the end of the day, the ashirim rule the land and can do whatever the heck they please without anyone of authority having the power to stop them.
When the Gerrer Rebbe started takonos among his chasidim, a very wealthy chosid approached him, saying that he can well afford to celebrate as before the takonos while still giving plenty of tzedakah. The Rebbe, in typical fashion, told him he can buy a new rebbe. That’s the kind of leadership we need. Honestly, since when does a wedding double as a concert?!
Kesef yaaneh es hakol.