Dear [email protected],
Every summer I ask myself the same question: Is this really what we have become?
We spend ten months a year speaking about ruchniyus, shalom bayis, family values, chinuch, and living simply. Then July arrives, and suddenly an entire segment of our community embraces a lifestyle that seems to contradict everything we claim to believe in. We call it “going to the bungalow colony,” but for many people it has become something far uglier. It has become two months of prustkeit, materialism, social climbing, and endless comparison.
Let’s stop pretending otherwise. Walk around many bungalow colonies. You’ll find groups of women sitting on porches or around tables for hours upon hours every single day. The conversations are rarely about anything meaningful. It’s who bought what, who renovated, whose husband is making more money, whose daughter is dating, whose son got into a better yeshivah, who is wearing designer clothing, whose bungalow looks nicer, who hired which decorator, who is serving what for Shabbos, who has the bigger deck, the nicer swing set, the newer outdoor furniture. It’s an endless, exhausting culture of comparison. People don’t even realize they’re doing it anymore because it has become the air they breathe.
And what is perhaps even more tragic is that nobody seems embarrassed by it. We have somehow transformed idle sitting and endless fatzing into an accepted way of life. Hours disappear every day. Entire mornings. Entire afternoons. Somehow there is unlimited time to sit and talk. And let’s not kid ourselves that it’s all innocent conversation. Anyone who has spent time in these settings knows that gossip, judging, and comparing are woven into the fabric of the culture.
Meanwhile, the husbands are nowhere to be found because they’re back in the city all week. This is perhaps the craziest part of the entire arrangement. We have normalized husbands and wives living separate lives for two months every summer. The husband works, eats supper alone, sleeps alone, wakes up alone, repeats that routine all week, and then drives for hours on Friday just to spend barely a day with his family before getting back in the car on Sunday morning. (We’re not even talking about those men who may engage in unbecoming behavior. I won’t elaborate here, as Matzav is a family forum.)
We speak endlessly about strengthening marriages, about communication, about shalom bayis. Then we voluntarily choose a lifestyle that keeps husbands and wives apart for the majority of the week and somehow convince ourselves this is ideal. Since when?
And don’t tell me it’s all for the children. Children need fathers during the week, not only for forty-eight rushed hours. They need to see their parents together. They need to watch a father come home from work, eat supper with the family, help with homework, learn with them, and simply be present. Instead, for weeks on end, many children grow accustomed to a father who exists mainly on weekends. We have accepted this as normal only because many people do it. If someone proposed such an arrangement from scratch today, most people would call it unhealthy – or insanity.
Then comes Shabbos, and instead of finally reconnecting as a family after five days apart, the social circus goes into overdrive. Every meal becomes another opportunity to entertain, to visit, to be visited, to see and be seen. There are “toamehas,” Kiddushim, porch hopping, backyard gatherings, and endless social “obligations.” The comparisons continue. Who has the nicest table? Who invited the “right” guests? Who has the fanciest food? Who bought new dishes? Who has the best location? Who’s the prettiest? Even Shabbos, the one time when families should simply enjoy being together, gets swallowed up by the social scene, not to mention men talking to women, women talking to men, and more details that I’d rather not get into on a forum that is read by all ages.
What frightens me most is what our children are learning. We think they don’t notice. They notice everything. They notice what excites us. They notice how much time we spend talking about people instead of ideas, possessions instead of values, appearances instead of character. They learn that success means impressing others. They learn that happiness comes from having what someone else has. Then we wonder why so many young people struggle with contentment, why they feel pressure to spend money they don’t have, why they measure themselves against everyone around them. We spent the summer teaching them exactly that.
Before anyone writes in accusing me of painting with too broad a brush, let me say it myself. There are beautiful bungalow colonies. But let’s stop pretending the culture I’m describing doesn’t exist. It does. Everyone knows it does. People complain about it behind closed doors every summer, yet nobody seems willing to challenge it publicly because they’re afraid of offending people.
Maybe it’s time someone said it. People have built a summer culture that encourages precisely the values we spend the rest of the year fighting against. They’ve accepted a lifestyle that breeds jealousy, gossip, overspending, neglected marriages, absent fathers, and endless pressure, all while convincing ourselves it’s somehow wholesome because it happens in the Catskills instead of the city.
I don’t know exactly how to fix it. But I know one thing. If this is what you proudly call our summer, then you shouldn’t be surprised when it follows you home in September.
H. L.
A Disturbed Reader
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cant say it enough! soo true!
“We’re not even talking about those men who may engage in unbecoming behavior.”
Yeah, and so Matzav headlines with a picture of young women.
you should seek counseling.
Normal, healthy people don’t need counseling. But thanks for caring.
Yes. They do tehillim groups. Raise money for tzedekah. Do challah bakes. Listen to shiurim together. Make kabbalas for tikkun hamidos. And the children get to play in fields and pools and live a little out if city life. But alas,some ppl can only see negatives
Ever since Jewish families stopped living in tenement apartments and installed central air-conditioning in their homes, this whole bungalow escape makes no sense.
Kvetch,kvetch, kvetch find the right place for you and your family..
The premise of your article which you even mention directly is that for ten months this does not happen. Uuuummmm. I don’t think that is correct at all. It may be done in a different setting or manner but the priorities and what is spoken about and held in high esteem is seen and heard by the children albeit less subtly all year long.
Moreover, today’s “bungalows” do not resemble anything of the bungalows of our youth. We went to decrepit old bungalows. Today’s “bungalows” are winterized and decorated by interior designers. Back in the day, there was not much shopping to do in town. As such, the bungalow life was much healthier.
This is not in a vacuum. It is the result of a new way of life and a new lifestyle. It is a result not a symptom. But lemaaseh, huge amounts of tzedakah are distributed and thousands of people are helped. I fargin the olam a nice bungalow.
Rav Pam Z’l famously said, for a good relationship (whether its with a spouse, neighbor, some random guy in shul, etc..) always remember the three F’s. Fargin, Farkuk, Fargest. Clearly, H.L cant fargin those who go to “the bungalow” for the summer. That he took the time to write this annual drivel with all its “content” means he cant farkuk. The fact that he writes it annual, means he cant fargest.
Enough. We get it, “the bungalow” is not for you.
Kvetch, kvetch, kvetch. We were in a bungalow colony that had rebbeim and balabatim together, everyone got along. Why are you creating machlokes??
Do what’s right for you. You may have friends who will do likewise. Nobody is being kidnapped up to the mountains
Very well said!
Agree 1000%
What a nauseating article
H. L.
A Disturbed Reader
Let that sink in
Hey don’t be anonymous if you feel so strongly.
Are you serious??? During the three weeks you write up this article??? What are you doing??
FYI, we don’t go up to the cottages and we say to those who do to enjoy. Why can’t we talk about all the positive things about klal yisroel? Especially during the three weeks. Shame on Matzav for printing this letter!
My question to you – Are you jealous?
as we say in Kaddish-
Bungalow ub’z’man kariv v’imru amein
The article is very on point. For one, the social pressure there is enormous, bringing the pressure from the city to the “bungalow”.
While most really have good intentions and do plan to relax there, unfortunately the term relaxation has begun to mean “hefkairus and prikas ol”. In today’s society, it has become okay to do whatever you want as long as you give tzedoko or do chessed. Well guess what, you can’t buy Hashem with money.
There needs to be an awareness as to what is acceptable and what is not, and unfortunately those who know, are scared to speak out.
Saying the place is not for everyone is not the right answer, it may not be the place for any growing person.
those gevirim are guided by daas Torah
Dear Matzav Editor
All parts of Klall Yisroel are trying their best.Generally there are no selfish people(as the bus letter implied) and please tone down the letters that are attacking a large swathe of our community that serve Hashem by going to bungalow colonies.If you do it fine. If not not , but lets not condemn so strongly.
Why is there no such concept of fleeing every single summer to bungalows among frum Jewish communities in Yerushalayim, Bnei Brak, Tzfat, Chicago, Los Angeles, Miami, Paris, Golders Green, Stamford Hill, Toronto, Bogota, or Brussels?
Because Brooklyn is that bad
The question I ask myself is “Do these people hate their lives so much at home that they have to take off every summer for two months????”.
Our vacations are for a few days to get away, refresh, and recharge to get back to our lives which we love AT HOME!!!!
we need daas Torah to put out a BINDING kol koreh and have askanim fight this gashmiyus excesd
No, we don’t!
The whole country thing is against anything resembling halacha. For a man to be by himself in the city a whole week without his wife is a travesty. This whole country thing should be stopped at once. All rabonim should get together and assur anyone from davening in their souls if they go.
The concerns raised about “bungalow colony culture” are not fundamentally about geography; they are about middos and priorities. Chazal already identified the forces that destabilize a person and a community: “הקנאה והתאוה והכבוד מוציאין את האדם מן העולם” (Avos 4:21). When comparison, materialism, and the pursuit of status take center stage, the setting—whether city or country—becomes spiritually corrosive. The problem, then, is not summer living itself, but what values are amplified within it.
Torah does not oppose rest or recreation. On the contrary, מנוחה can renew a person for greater avodas Hashem. But “בכל דרכיך דעהו” obligates us to bring awareness of Hashem into every environment, including the mountains. If extended separations strain shalom bayis, couples must reassess and strengthen connection, for Chazal teach that a husband must love and honor his wife deeply and consistently. If idle gatherings drift into gossip, we are reminded that guarded speech is not seasonal. If children observe that excitement centers on upgrades and appearances, we must consciously model simcha in simplicity and kavod for Torah instead.
The solution is not condemnation, but intentional elevation. Families can enter the summer with clear kabbalos: protected family time, fixed learning, limits on excess, and deliberate redirection of conversations toward substance. When enough individuals quietly choose depth over display, the culture shifts naturally. A bungalow can be a stage for competition—or a home of renewal. The difference lies not in the setting, but in the standards we carry with us.
is there daas Torah in the mountains
There isn’t much daas in these comments.
Dear Matzev,This is major loshen horah on a huge part of klal Yisroel.Its Asur Lhalcha to print or read this letter.
You also may have forgotten Cleveland ,Baltimore,Montreal,Mexico ,Japan,west gate,Milwaukee,Uganda,South Africa,south east Asia,Montana,and yihupitz
Spouses belong together, of course. Children need both parents as well. That is definitely a significant deficiency of the “bungalow” system. Like anything else like it, one should consult a Rav or other daas Torah about this if it is relevant to them.
Matzav, this letter has several valid points. However, I don’t think the picture is appropriate for this article
I’m from “Out of New York” & for the life of me I can’t understand how anyone would consider going to upstate New York & being surrounded by a million Jews could in anyway be a “Vacation”
As someone that has been going to the colonies all my life, I have no idea what this guy is referring to. All I know are nice colonies where people have a wholesome summer for their kids to enjoy. If anything in the city I see a bunch of stuck up people trying to be “chal” and in the summer they head to their small bungalows and enjoy. I used to send my kids to city day camps, it’s not ideal, they sit in school buildings and serve them slush and treats the whole day. Go upstate enjoy the weather the grass etc.
Sorry but if you use the term “chal” you are obviously a 10th grader…
The article is lashon harah, jealousy, and sinas chinam, and the picture is not appropriate for a “Torah News Site”. Please remove it. I may stop reading Matzav. Not at all accceptable.
Matzav doesn’t have any morals. All they care about is clicks.
i think the rabbanim should get together and ban the yetzer hara,and all its manifestations,altogether.
is there daas Torah in the mountains that can give mussar?
some spouses need to be apart.no judging
You are very right, and so many times their being separate for a bit is what makes their relationship stronger!
As a out of towner, I never understood it either. But I also dont understand how some spouses live on different continents for weeks at a time.(Those that make aliyah, but keep their job overseas) To each their own. Thats no the life I want though.
Did the author produce that musical video for the 3 weeks?
A lot of ignorance in this letter. Obviously the letter writer has not been in Sullivan County in a while and so have many commenters who are negative. Come here for a week and you will see lots of positive. Is everything perfect? Most likely not but that is not a reason to pull the plug.
There are many reasons why people come up. Some parts of Brooklyn like Williamsburg have a decent amount of preitzus.
Another thing people do not realize is for many of the people who go back to the city it is for 3 nights. They come Thursday and leave early Monday morning. Go on the highway 5-6am Monday morning and you will see what I mean.
not understanding the issue here, i thought that as long as you support adirei hatoira, go to kvarim in europe in the winter, than this all fine?! did i missunderstand something?!
not understanding the issue here, i thought that as long as you support adirei hatoira, go to kvarim in europe in the winter, than this all fine?! did i missunderstand something?!
BH the out of town world does not have this issue. There, the spouses both work hard to make things work. No bunaglows out here in the Midwest. But we survive 🙂 A different world.