Matzav Inbox: Why Have Our Weddings Turned Into Disco Clubs?

10:15 am
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Dear [email protected],

I am writing to express my concern about the loud and non-Jewish-sounding music that is often played at Yiddishe weddings.

As someone who values and takes pride in my Yiddishkeit, I find it disheartening to attend a wedding that is supposed to be a celebration of a bayis ne’eman b’Yisroel, only to be met with loud and disco-like music that has little to do with Yiddishkeit. Why do I feel like night after night I am going to a nightclub?

Many frum weddings today feature music that is overly loud and designed to appeal to a crowd that, well….I don’t know what crowd!

This not only detracts from the kedusha of the wedding, but also sends the wrong messages to the younger participants in the simcha.

I understand that chassanim and kallahs want to make their weddings a memorable experience for all of their guests, but I believe that this can be done without sacrificing the Yiddish identity of the event.

Sincerely,

DT

New York


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41 COMMENTS

  1. More than one issue here. The volume of the music is a serious problem. It is deafening, damaging to the ear, and thwarts any effort to speak to anyone, including the sharing of mazel tov wishes. The second is the choice of music. For those of us who are old enough to remember some of the music from the 60’s and the next few decades, even the non-Jewish stuff that blasted on the radio, we are likely to be offended by the contrast of how Jewish the old music (fromthe goyishe velt) sounded, and how goyish the current Jewish wedding music is. Many singers have deteriorated into performers, and the cavorting on stage is more reminiscent of Tom Jones and other low lifes.

    At a recent wedding, I encountered a full band, which was completely unnecessary, and one of the star performers in the Jewish music world was invited to perform. His lengthy nigun, in Yiddish, was irritating. It might have made a pleasant audio or even video clip, but the volume made it impossible to hear the lyrics or even appreciate the music.

    Has anyone here ever tried to ask the musician to lower the volume? I tried, and failed. They won’t do it. There was once a takana about this, and it was ignored. Today, I choose to enter a wedding long enough to share my mazel tov wishes, and I leave. At family weddings where I need to stay, I come equipped with ear plugs.

    I don’t know how to fix this.

  2. DT. There is an expression “Al Taam Vareiach Ain Lehitvakeach”. People have different tastes. Just because you don’t like it, it doesnt mean that others cant enjoy it. Or do you just want the holy lakewood rabbonim to issue more of their edicts and bans?

  3. Thank you DT of New York for bringing up such an important issue. And like everything else about us yidden and our way of life, many will agree with this writer and many will disagree and some will disagree in not the nicest of ways.
    I wholeheartedly agree and if I can add that its not just the type of music and the volume but also the type of songs. What ever happened to the songs of the past where words were taken from Tehilim or other parts of Tenach or Mamorei Chazal?? Today, song after song can only be with all Hebrew lyrics where every singer must also scratch his voice as he pronounces those ‘holy words’ for added talent and it’s always the same reasoning; this is what the oilam wants today.. I can assure these artists that many people like myself don’t care a didley about these type of songs and as such have never and will never bl”n buy their songs on any format…

  6. Stick to the narrative please: smartphones are assur. Smartphones are evil. Smartphone owners are evil. Those married to someone with a smartphone is just as evil. Smartphones is thee cause as to why Moshiach has not come yet.
    Everything else is commentary. Go learn.

  7. Why Have YOur Weddings Turned Into Disco Clubs
    My two Weddings looked nothing like Disco Clubs
    Practice what you believe in.
    Don’t give attention to others actions not in line with your disciplined principles

  8. THE WORLD EVOVLVES AND CHANGES ROM GENERTION TO GENERATION SO TO THE HEIMISH WORLD IN ITSELF

    FROM MISHPACHA MAGAZINE 3/2021 RE: Wedings in the 50’s60s and early 70s’
    Back in the day, there were three orchestras that most people would choose from David Wakely Orchestra (at the high end of the spectrum), the Rudy Teppel Orchestra, and the Epstein Brothers. All these players were standard American musicians and had a limited Jewish repertoire. They weren’t exactly what you’d call a yeshivish band today, and most of them were over the age of 50 and going strong. And then came the revolution: A couple of young yeshivah bochurim began to play, which eventually led to the birth of Neginah Orchestra, started by Isaac Gross and Yerachmiel (Rocky) Zweig a”h. Most of these new-generation musicians were just out of yeshivah, looking for a way to make a supplemental income, and the music suddenly got much more heimish. There were the Lamm brothers, Leib Konig, Yossi Leshkowitz, Shelly Lang, Sid Stadler, and Dovid Nulman, just to name a few, with bands like The Messengers, headlined by Heshy Walfish with Yehudah Isaacs, Josh Goldberg, and Stanley Miller.

  9. You are 100% correct. Not only that but the decibel level is often high enough to cause hearing damage. If you walk away with your ears ringing, your hearing has been damaged to some degree and each time you have this happen, it increases the damage. The musicians must all be hearing impaired or they are wearing ear plugs. It is an even bigger danger to babies and young children whose hearing is developing.

  11. So true, I’ve felt this way for some time.
    What’s with all the hand/arm pumping?
    Is that also למדו מהגוים שבגולה?

  12. I agree that the extremely loud music and rapid rhythm to mimic the vibe of a goyish party is not for our people.
    It is up to the people in control to control this. The bride or groom as an example. If they don’t want the music that way, stop dancing and tell the musician to fix it. The musician or disc player will immediately fix it. He won’t want the bride or groom unhappy with him in front of everyone.

    • Yes, you are right. When we picked a keyboard player/singer for our son’s Bar Mitzvah, our first question was, will you play at a reasonable volume and if we ask you to turn it down, will you do so? The player we got said yes and everyone told us it was the most enjoyable event that had attended in a long time b/c while the music was nice, they could hear people speaking and didn’t have their heads pounded.

  14. Unfortunately we are a product of our golus. The same reason why there are advertisements for “steaks to die for” and over the top fashion/style, vacations. And a whole litany of “issues”.
    This is our golus, and if the RBS’O wants to stop all this, he can redeem us already

  15. “As someone who values and takes pride in my Yiddishkeit” —you should have no idea what a disco or a nightclub sounds like.

    Perhaps, what is really bothering you is that the music brings back memories of you wayward youth — a time that you are trying to pretend never existed.

    The rest of us, who have no idea what a disco or a nightclub is like, have no problem with the lebidig’e music that is being משמח חתן וכלה

  16. I could not agree with you more! Sometimes I can’t even figure out what song they’re playing because they add in the weirdest sound effects into it. You need players like C. M. Schwartz who still play with real Yiddish sound and lebedig at the same time.

  17. you are absolutely right, rabbanim need to pull the hechsher on halls that allow for this non Jewish music, we wouldnt allow mixed dancing or trief this is even worse as it damages the neshama. Furthermore no mesader kiddushin should be involved in a wedding that allows for this type of music. In general all concerts should be banned. Let us return to the pure uncorrupted Yiddishkeit of Europe with Kedusha.

  18. When asked why he chose to play such wild music by his simcha, one baal simcha told reporters on Tuesday: “I don’t know, man! It’s cool music! The dudes really like this stuff! I’m just trying to be in sync with today’s music! You got to get to get with the program, man!”
    The baal simcha then removed a thin cylinder from his mouth that looked like a cigarette, but smelled like Hashish, and asked reporters if they’d like to take a puff of his “cool stick”.

  19. If you ask the band to lower the volume, the band will usually reply that the young people like loud music. Being that all genres of music are acceptable today (think of Nissim Black’s reggae ‘Jewish’ hip hop music) it was inevitable for other forms of music to creep into chasunas. You have the option to go in the hall or outside if the weather is nice, but during the meal, you don’t have that option, and often the music is too loud for you to hear the person sitting next to you. You can always bring earplugs!

  20. Not sure what crowd you are in. The wedding I go to in Lakewood are all BH full of only Yiddish Tam. Even nit Tajkana Wedding with large bands an lights

  21. AS A PROFESSIONAL MUSICIAN , HERE’S MY PERSPECTIVE 🙂

    In the chassidish velt, there’s no focus on singing tunes with words. Nigunnim are intrinsically Heilig.
    In the Litvishe world a large segment of the population don’t pay attention or even know what the words sung mean. Who thinks about the prayer we declare with full accompaniment when the Chassan and Kalla enter “Od Yishama…”?

    Once you remove the words, all you are left with is instrumental background to dance to, so as to celebrate and be mesameach the Baalei Simcha.

    In that case, why does it need to be a chassidic / Yeshivish tune? It doesn’t make any difference at all.

    Why disco music?
    Possibly because Jews have ALWAYS had music similar to the local non Jewish styles, possibly because we have a mission to be mekadesh every aspect of Olam Hazel.

    Regarding the excessive volume – that’s been a real issue for many years, but a totally unrelated topic to the style of music!

  24. Besides Weddings we can address a whole slew of changes that have come to the Heimishe world.

    Weddings and Times have changed from back in the days of Yiddle mit a fiddle, drum, and clarinet and will keep changing.

  26. Most of today’s young kids that get leibadik at weddings don’t even realize that they are playing Eye of the Tiger as the intro for the chosson and kalla coming in to the hall for the first dance. Not exactly the yiras shomayim a new couple needs to start their Torah home.

    • Vos iz eye of the tiger ?? like the ziyoinim not knowing HAtikvah song is from 1600 “La Mantovana” or “Il Ballo di Mantova” (Mantua Dance)

  27. Recently, I was begging the musician by a family wedding the lower the blasting volume, but with NO success. I assume that the musicians hearing was already impaired, so he did NOT grasp what I was saying.

    • It was a niggun put out by a group called Survivor in 1982. It was played in the movie Rocky 3, which starred Sylvester Stallone. A gantz feineh movie. The niggun was the #1 song in the country for 6 consecutive weeks. The olam used to play that niggun in Lucky Dip in Woodbourne that summer, up in the Catskills. Yeh, I remember it well. Geshmakeh times to be a teenager. I’ll probably need a little cleaning up in gehenom when it’s all said and done. The yiras shomayim sheboh wasn’t the greatest, to be honest. A lot of fun nonetheless. Nu nu.

  29. Coming from a wedding now and I cant help but agree. But it’s intertwined with a much broader and bigger subject. Not for now… But it’s sad.

  30. Peer pressure and pressure on the parents, are exactly why our weddings look the way they do. How could a chosson/kallah face their friends at their own wedding with ‘nice, traditional music’ when everyone else is having strobe lights and trashy music? How can parents say no, when the chosson hires the band? It won’t be the Rabbis who change this.
    Nope.
    It will be people with strong moral compasses and the ability to say ‘no’ to their children. Yes, to their grown kids. “No. Your wedding will not sound like a nightclub. It’s a holy day. A once in a lifetime opportunity. We don’t act that way. We’re Jews.”

    When parents start being parents again and stop whining, ‘but my son insisted! And the kallah friends made up this dance especially for her!’ then weddings will hopefully one day return to its original holy occasion. Your money, your choice.

    I watched about 15 choshuvah looking men leave a wedding, en masse, as soon as the lights dimmed and choson and kallah’s intro music played. It was embarrassing.

  31. I had the song “Sandstorm” at my wedding. I was an older single and didnt have much of a social life and the few friends that I had didnt plan any shtick for me. That song was honestly the highlight of the dancing for me. I gave out glow rings and everyone loved it. My chosson had a great time eventho it wasnt his style. It was my joy music from when I was single and it helped put me in a good mood when I was lonely. There is No actual words to the song its just techno. Who cares what music u use. if it brings simcha to the chosson/ kallah it shouldnt matter.

  32. when my son-in-law, many years ago, asked the band to lowere the volume., the band leader responded the that’s how the bochurim like it. my s-i-l answered: but i am paying the bill, and the band stopped short right then

  33. You dont like it?
    Don’t go to the wedding and complain to gd to bring moshiach.
    It’s their wedding. Their money.
    Mind your business.

  34. To break down the issue:
    1. In my opinion the main issue is the new style one man band players that are using techno-style rhythm and sounds which is something the “Old School” bands were not able to create. This causes both a disco-tech type sound as well as very loud volume as all the sound is from this one keyboard.
    2. This in turn causes the composers to create new up to date songs that are in synch with this new style music.
    3. What to do about it is not a simple solution.. Yes this is part of the golus… Yes the kids are running the show…but like anything else if there is a strong push to stop or curtail this type of music, it might send a message to all that Klal Yisroel wants better.

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